Countdown to the End. Part 1

ELLE

I woke up with a heavy heart. I was mislaid. I feel like I was homeless. A hermit on his own hutch.

I stared at the ceiling. I felt the silence, hearing the tickling of the wall clock here in my room made me realized one thing, I had gone so far.

Suddenly, I started reminiscing. I was a simple girl who only wanted to be loved and accepted by her Father. I chose to follow my father's foot steps in order for him to love and praise me as his own daughter.

Should I have been proud of making myself different from what I dreamed of?

I tried everything that I can. I climbed this giant ladder of life but I fell catastrophically.

I top-notch the board exam fulfilling my Father's dream, but it ended up oppositely.

Thankfully, my Father finally praises me. He's very proud of me. I'd finally fulfilled my wish- that is to make my Father happy. But it turned out differently for me.

I'm not happy. I used to dream of becoming a painter. But my Father didn't allow me to pursue it.

I ended up being an architect and it made me sad.

Now, I found love and got married. I have had experienced that magical moment that I know, it's every girl's wish. I though of having a not perfect yet happy family.

But with only one snap of second, it changed.

Everything turns out to be a mess! My dream family, my marriage, it became shattered!

I lost my angel. I lost my life. And I thought of having my revenge on them. I ended up victorious.

I triumphed on making their lives miserable. I thought I'll get better. It only made me sick more.

I grab my pillow and hug it as my tears began to fall.

I just want to have a peaceful and happy life. Why is it life doesn't want me?

Hindi ko pinangarap na maging ganito ako. Simpleng buhay lang naman ang gusto ko. Bakit hindi magawang ibigay ng mundo saakin yun?

Sinaktan ko ang pinakamamahal kong tao sa pag-aakalang giginhawa ang pakiramdam ko at huhupa ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ngunit akala ko lang pala lahat nang ito.

This is not you, Elle.. This is not really you.

Nanghihina pa rin ako buhat nang scenario kagabi nung nagtangkang masama si Jomari saakin. Pero wala yun sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Bakit kailangang maging komplikado ang lahat nang ito?!

Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko upang tumawag.

"Hello ma'am? Ano pong gagawin namin dito kay Ally? Hinihintay nalang po namin ang go signal ninyo." Bungad ni Richard saakin.

"Pakawalan niyo na siya." Mahinang sabi ko. "Ano po ulit yun ma'am? Tama po bang narinig ko? Papakawalan na namin siya?" Pag-uulit niyang tanong saakin.

"Yes. Don't ask me why. Huwag niyo siyang sasaktan and don't worry. I'll have the cheque ready. Bye." Tinapon ko na kung saan ang cellphone ko at pumikit.

--

Nagising ako dahil sa kalabog sa pinto ng unit ko. Medyo blurry pa yung vision ko, so I wait until fully adjusted na yung vision ko sa paligid.

I headed straight sa door para tignan kung sino tong kumakalabog.

"Can we talk?" My mood changed the moment I found out kung sino tong kumakalabog sa pinto ko.

"No. Go away." I said coldly.

"Please, Elle. I'm sorry for what happened last night. I was drunk and --" I signalled him to stop using my right palm.

"I don't need any of your explanations. If you have nothing to say, leave." Walang emosyong tinignan ko siya saka sumandal sa may pinto.

"No, I need to explain. Ayaw kong magisip ka ng masama about me, kaya I'm sorry okay? Please forgive me." He said.

"Hindi mo ba ako narinig, Jomari? I said, I don't need your explanation. Mahirap bang intindihin yun?" I'm starting to feel irritated. Ayaw ko sa lahat yung kinukulit ako lalo na't wala ako sa mood!

"Bakit parang nag-iba ka bigla, Elle? Hindi ka naman dating ganyan ah?! You easily get irritated, dahil ba to kay Kyle ah? Tell me." I must say that he's trying his best to stay calm but what hits me most, eh yung huling sinabi niya.

"Kyle has nothing to do with this, Jomari. Huwag mo siyang idadamay dito dahil wala siyang kinalaman dyan sa issues mo sa buhay." Kalmadong sabi ko sa kanya. I saw his eye brows frowned.

"And now you're even defending him, Elle? Why all of the sudden, nagiba ang ihip ng hangin sayo ah? Nagkabalikan na ba kayo? Kayo na ba ulit ah?! Sabihin mo saakin, Elle!" Bigla niya akong hinawakan sa magkabilang braso. Mahigpit ang pagkakahawak niya dito.

"Nasasaktan ako." Banta ko sa kanya. "Why? Sa tingin mo ba hindi mo ako nasasaktan ngayon, Elle ah?!" Tumingin ako direkta sa kanyang mga mata. I saw pain. He's severely in pain.

"Magmula nung wasted na wasted ka dahil sa tarantado mong asawa, sinong andyan para sayo?! Sinong tumulong sayo?! Sinong inalalayan ka para makabangon ulit?! Sinong nandyan para punasan lahat nang mga luhang pumapatak sa iyong mga mata?! Diba ako, Elle?! Diba ako?!!" I was surprised when I saw tears falling from his eyes.

"Sabihin mo nga saakin, Elle. Ni minsan ba, may naramdaman ka din saakin? Yung araw na may nangyari saatin, ano yun? Awa lang ba yun para saakin ah? Ginawa mo lang ba yun para kahit papaano, gumaan pakiramdam ko? Na para makabawi ka man lang ganoon ba yun?!" Aminado akong nasasaktan ako sa mga sinasabi niya. Hindi dahil sa naapakan niya ang ego ko, kundi dahil it's true.

"Umasa ako sayo, Elle. Umaasa ako na balang araw, masusuklian din ng tadhana lahat ng pagsasakripisyo ko para sayo, pero langya naman! Tinarantado ako ng tadhana!" Bigla niyang sinabunutan ang kanyang buhok.

Umiiyak pa rin siya. He's so wasted. Hindi ito ang Jomari na nakilala ko. Ibang iba siya sa Jomari na palangiti at positibo sa buhay na kilala ko.

This Jomari in front of me is totally different. And that's because of me..

"You can find someone better than me, Jomari. Someone who can love you more than the love I could offer for you. I know that she's just waiting for you." I calmly said thinking that it can comfort him.

Sandali siyang napatingin sa kawalan at bahagyang tumingin saakin. Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting takot dahil sa talim ng kanyang titig saakin. Sa isang iglap, biglang nagiba ang kanyang expression.

"No. Ayokong mangyari yun! Ayoko sa iba! Gusto ko ikaw lang, Elle! Narinig mo ba? Gusto ko akin ka lang! You're mine, Elle! At kung hindi kita madadaan sa santong dasalan, pwes pasensyahan tayo. Kaya ka nagkakaganyan dahil kay Kyle right?" Sandali siyang napatigil. And out of nowhere, he smiled wickedly.

"Then I'll slaughter Kyle from this story!" And with that he walked away leaving me hanging.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba. Dali-dali akong pumasok sa loob ng unit ko at kinuha ang cellphone upang tawagan si Kyle.

"Please answer.. Please answer..." Tensed kong sabi.

"Hello, Elle?" Para akong nabuhayan nung marinig ko ang boses niya.

"Kyle where are you?! You need to know something! You listen first okay? Jomari ---" Hindi ko na natuloy yung sasabihin ko nang biglang may nagtakip ng bibig ko at makalanghap ng hindi maipaliwanag na amoy.. Sinubukan kong manlaban ngunit unti-unting lumabo ang paningin ko hanggang sa mawalan ako ng malay.

--

To be continued.

A/N

3 more chapters to go!