Police and Pastors

"Nigerian police and bribes are like five and six," a male voice with a deep bass said from behind. Uche turned in search of the speaker and found no one. Everyone was busy with their phones and those who were not on their cells were sleeping.

"They are not as bad as Nigerian pastors," the driver said.

Uche had a short laugh before asking, "How?"

"When you deal with a police officer, it is usually straightforward and easy. He wants your money and won't hide it. Continue preaching until Jesus returns, and he will still take that money from you. Try to be clever, and you will wind up in jail.

Uche slowly nodded in appreciation of the words of wisdom from the driver.

"Put on your seatbelt. That is a capital crime in this country." He ordered Uche.

His face twisted as he dragged the black belt across his blue polo and locked it in the red hood beside his grey-coloured seat. Uche is one who doesn't like taking instruction from people, yet what the driver just said was no lie. For such a minor infraction, the driver will still be forced to pay a hefty bribe, have their time wasted, and have their car pulled over.

"But you see these pastors," the driver continued. "They are worse. They pretend to be innocent, holy, kind, all-knowing, and genuinely worried about you, but in reality, they are vying for your ten percent of your earnings, your sacrifice, and your first fruit.

"Dri-ver!" a woman's voice exclaimed upbeatly. The car shook with laughter and those who were asleep woke up confused and in search of the reason behind the sudden laughter.

"The person that collects your money without lying and the one that collects it with pretends, who is worse?"

"The latter," Uche responded with a chortle.

"You are just being hilarious… who compares a Policeman to a Pastor?" the lady asked. Uche turned to have a quick look at the lady troubling the driver. Expecting to see an advanced woman probably dressed like the wife of a pastor but to his disappointment, it was a pretty young lady in a red collar polo with a blue jean skirt, seated directly behind the driver. Their eyes met and shyly, Uche looked away.

"I take it that you don't like Pastors very much," he enquired from the driver.

He took his eyes off the road and gave him a quick stare, saying nothing, yet Uche saw it all in his eyes.

"Are you even a Christian?" the lady added.

"I was born a Catholic but quit church about two years ago."

"What happened? It is very uncommon for Catholics to lose faith." Uche asked puzzled and in anticipation of the story that would cause this storyteller of a driver to leave Christianity.

Uche has been an atheist for over three years now. He lost complete faith in any form of belief in God after the brutal death of his father. To him, the Bible was just a book of fiction, a fantasy just like "Harry Potter" with stories of dragons and talking donkeys. He believes all gods are created by man in their own image and likeness. But before claiming to be an atheist, he always considers his surroundings because in some parts of Nigeria, that is enough to get someone killed.

"A Saturday just like this one year ago, I was travelling from Owerri to Onisha. A pretty lady was in front just like you." He pointed at Uche with his index finger and continued. "This young lady, probably in her early twenties, had a faraway look in her eyes. She was filled with intense worry. As a good driver who cares about the well-being of my passengers, I was concerned. So, I asked what the problem was. At first, she said nothing and kept to herself. But I'm one man with a great reputation for making good conversation." He said proudly.

"Yeah, you certainly do." Uche nodded in agreement.

I engaged her in humorous and light-hearted conversations until she revealed the truth. She was travelling from Imo State to visit the father of her unborn child.

"Is he not aware?" I asked.

"No," she responded.

"Is he going to deny the pregnancy?"

"No, I am not sure," she whispered.

"You don't love him?" I asked. She didn't respond, so I took that as a 'NO.'

"Then, what is the problem?"

"He is a priest," she said in a low tone.

"'A Priest?' I exclaimed. My eyes nearly came out of their sockets in surprise. Before then, I have heard people, especially non-Catholics, say Priest usually have children outside. Some even confess to having seen a priest having sex with married women in church. I personally... " He left the steering wheel and placed his hand on his chest like someone about to pledge. "I personally never believed them. To me, all these were lies and propaganda. People trying to put dirt on the white garment of the Holy Church. So, I asked her again, are you sure it was a Priest that put you in a family way?

'Yes,' she nodded, a sudden shyness present in her eyes."

"Hmmm," Uche murmured.

"You need to see me that very day; I was shocked to the bones..."

"Meep!Meep!Meep!" Another Sienna of the same company honked and zoomed past them.

"I greet you, my brother!" The driver shouted and waved after the car and soon it was lost among the numerous cars on the highway, all racing to various destinations.