This Has To Be The Worst Trade Deal In The History Of Trade Deals, Maybe Ever

So there's quite a few things I have to do before I can go on a journey for ancient spaceships with which to shove the world's population into for our me-imposed exodus across the great starry sky.

First I should see what the hell happened to everyone last night, because I have no fucking idea. Dolly and Vee should be okay since they high-tailed it out before my doping of all the women in the room. But what everyone else was up to and where they were at was beyond me. I thought I may as well just start from where it all began. Hopefully they'd come full circle.

With that in mind I went back to my house. First thing I noticed was the mess. The remnants of Froggo's harem and the women who had decided to camp out until they found their families, jobs or a place to stay were all passed out. In varying forms of disarray. Bottles and mugs of alcohol were scattered everywhere and several fires were starting to finally burn out. I smelled badly burned meat and coughed.

"At least the house is intact." Mary observed. "Judging from what I remember last night--" She stopped. Her lips pursed.

"Right. Lucky, eh?" I understood that she didn't want to relive that experience. Eh, I guess I don't either. Not that I remember it anyway. Did I get married to a Girls Generation song…? If the idol training was just me hallucinating and I was actually getting hitched.

That's a little depressing. Much as I like them, they just aren't wedding material for me. Nah. I wanna get married to something classy and upbeat, like the Chapel of Love. Or Divinyls' I touch Myself.

Depending on how high I am, I also may not mind being married to King Kunta or Gangsta's Paradise. But the sung by British lolis version. Cuz you know ya boy loves me some rapping lolis.

Thoughts about my unplanned mass marriage reminded me of one of the notifications I'd gotten. Milly betrayed me! She took advantage of this Papa of her's and got married to me in the heat of the moment. How could she? Obviously that idiot sword needs to be taught a lesson.

Musing about how I'd punish her, I walked past the unconscious women and opened my door. What greeted me was a stack comprised of Rhiannon, Bubbles and, surprisingly enough, Minnie.

Literally a small tower. They were also all passed out, sleeping comfortably atop one another in the middle of the living room.

In particular I noticed that Bubbles was naked from the waist down and her ass was covered in a layer of white powder. There was a spot where a hand print was clearly visible.

"What the hell…?"

Mary took a thoughtful look at them. "I think that was you," She said.

"That ridic--" I broke off. "Wait, no. Now I remember…" I groaned.

So basically when I was doped out of my mind last night I came back home to try and pass out when I noticed a cute blue-furred Norwegian forest cat staring at me from the couch.

AWESOME, I'd thought, deciding I'd take it up with me. Suddenly another cat showed up, equally adorable, making me unable to decide which one to bring upstairs with me….and then yet a third cat appeared.

They all gave me curious stares and I just stared back trying to choose which one to take. I remember thinking, "Fuck it they ALL coming with me, them cute fluffy bitches," A while later and instead of sleeping Mary walked in asking what I was doing. I was stacking the cats.

They weren't cats.

"Hnnn..."Minnie stirred. She let out a soft moan and tried to stretch but ruined the balance and ended up falling on the floor. "Eek!" She cried, looking quite miserable and flustered, her eyes darting this way and that. "What? What?"

It was then Bubble's turn to wake up. The woman's face was buried in the Fae Queen's breasts and drool was hanging from her mouth. Speaking of, yeah...this Queen was certainly not showing off a least bit of the majesty befitting of her status, or the deadliness Mary and Sera had seemed to attribute to her previously.

"Haaaa~" Bubbles yawned, drowsily picking herself up. She rubbed her eyes and looked around slowly, confusion clear on her face. "Day already, huh." She gave another great yawn.

I was busy staring at that perfectly shaped, perfectly inviting ass. I smacked my lips and felt my mouth water, gulping as I started licking my chops to the thought of running my tongue all over those sweet powdered buns.

Mary then elbowed my side and I was broken from my stupor.

...Okay, fine. I admit it. I'm an ass and coke addict.

I see nothing wrong with that either.

"My head is killing me." Bubbles stated. "Does anyone have any water?"

"Coming at you." I shot a stream of distilled--I actually have no idea about the purity of liquid--water straight towards her open mouth.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"...What's this white stuff on my ass, by the way?"

I was sorely tempted to run my finger across her buttocks, rub it on my teeth, and say something like, "The results are inconclusive. Gonna have to sample straight from the source." And just lick that ass till it shined.

But that was likely the residual drugs in me talking. I obviously ain't gonna do that in front of Mary. Not that I would have provided she wasn't here or anything.

"Powdered sugar?"

"Why would there be powdered sugar on my--?"

"Good to know you survived the night. Moving on!"

"Wait." Mary held onto my arm. She was looking at Rhea with a gleam in her eye. "This is the perfect opportunity to rid ourselves of her."

"I think it's alright not to, though?"

She shook her head. "Are you crazy? ….No, don't answer that. Young Master, you don't understand. Your mother and Lady Rhiannon have been enemies for centuries, there's a lot of bad blood between them. What's more, she wants to steal you away. If it weren't for you mother being by your side, she would have years ago. We can't just let her go. She is not a good person and will not at all be averse to killing everyone here to get what she wants."

"Relax. She'd the mother of my adoptive daughter, I can't just kill her outright. Even if she is a serious cunt who abandoned her daughter just because she fell in love with a lesser Fae, doesn't mean MIra won't be sad if I kill her. Besides, now that I'm home she'll be easy to deal with. Here." I walked over to a certain spot in the room and lifted one of the floorboards. I then handed out bags of powder. "She starts anything, use Pocket Coke on her."

Bubbles sniffed at the substance warily. "...Drugs? Hey, isn't this stuff the same as what I have on my--?"

"Minnie, you good?" I interrupted her.

"Ah...Master…." I saw that her eyes were still a tad cloudy. "I feel...woozy…" She tried to walk but faltered, tipping forwards. I quickly caught her.

"You definitely need some food and some fresh air. I'll open the windows and made you something. Sound good?"

Silence. I took that as a yes and lifted her up. As I was about to sit her on the cough I felt something wet on my face.

She was licking my cheek. Vigorously. Then moved to my lips.

What? What? Why? I didn't really feel anything sexual from it, though it was definitely arousing. I held her a bit away from me and she reacted by trying to lean forward to keep at it.

I was reminded of both my cat, Sir Pomp-a-Romp, and my family's wolfhound, Hugo, at the same time. More Hugo, I would say, since he had a habit of running up to you and liking your mouth at every opportunity.

"Master~ Master~" The young woman called out childishly. I ignored her, wondering why she was acting so strangely.

"Young Master, you know how dogs like to lick their owners? Well, did you know that this originates from wolves? It's normally used as a way of welcoming new members into the pack, or for dealing with the highest ranking male. It can also be used to show affection." Mary seemed bemused by the whole thing.

"So?"

"From my understanding she's not just part feline, but also part wolf, no?"

"...Oh yeah…." That's right. I really almost forgot about that.

"Usually they suppress these urges, but I think the lingering effects of the drugs in her system are loosening her control. It's actually a bit cute."

Mary obviously thinks of Minnie as a pet.

I was sorta mad. All I had to do to make her honest was pump her full of weed?! All the missed opportunities…

I could've started on my first batch of kittens by now If i knew that! So then this means she does like me? Hm. But really I think that's just attraction and gratitude. Having already committed myself to Vee and Mary anyway I decided to let this go.

"Shh. It's alright. Get some rest."

I grabbed a blanket from the nearby closet and drapped it over her. She slowly closed her eyes and burrowed deeper into the covers. She gripped my hand, asking, "Master won't rub my head?"

The temptation was real. "Maybe Mary would like to do the honors?" I asked the woman in question.

"Well, I suppose I don't mind." Mary replied.

"No. It's no good if it's not Master."

"Come now, Minnie, don't be like that. Mary gives good headpats too, so just get some rest, m'kay? Here, take Mr. Bong with you. I'll be back with something delicious in a bit."

"So...we don't kill her?" Bubbles jerked a thumb to Rhea.

"I think we should take a vote." Mary suggested.

"This ain't a democracy. You two better not kill her while I'm away. I don't care what she's done or who she has beef with. Like I said, she starts acting up just throw some coke on her and we'll see if Mary can dump her in some other realm."

"Fine. Say, does anyone know what happened to Becks? Also, what happened to that Sera chick?"

"I'm sure they're fine. A fire Dragon and a variant like Miss Rebecca won't have had harm come to them. "

"There is literally an army of Angels in the city."

"Don't remind me." Mary frowned.

"Speaking of, what happened with them? Last thing I remember they were all--OH MY GODS THAT'S RIGHT!" Bubbles' eyes went wide. "The city!" She rushed out the front door. Curious, me and Mary followed.

The city lord's mansion was a little away from the rest of the area and we took the route that went around the city along a forest path that led home. Since the place was nestled on a hill there was a spot where you could see the city. It even had a bench overlooking the whole thing

When we reached her we saw her looking down at a state of disarray. From far away we could tell smoke rising in the air. Several buildings, we noticed, we entirely destroyed. In the distance I caught sight of people with white names above their heads. It was hard to tell, but I think they were helping rebuild.

It was then that I took a look at the notifications the system had left.

[Quest complete]

[Reward: You have won the Favor of the Divine. Having done them a great service by revealing yourself to them, they express their gratitude by allowing you to summon their services. For two hours upon activation you may summon one Angel to your side for aid or instead choose to command the forces of all Angelic beings in a ten-realm radius for an equal amount of time. Note that even if there are no Angelic beings within range the Favor of the Divine will still be used up. This is a special reward exclusive to you and you may not acquire the standard reward that would have been given to other players.]

[The item "Horn of Virtue" has been exchanged for the Favor of the Divine]

[The item "Heaven-Warping Divine Spear(growth)" has been exchanged for the Favor of the Divine]

[Growth items scale with player level and grow stronger alongside you]

Son of BITCH. My fucking items, man! They're gone! Just...gone! I want that heaven-warping spear, dammit. It sounds OP as fuck. Grows with me? Then it'll always be useful! Fuck! And who knows what that horn does?

[Quest generated]

[Quest: Reconstruction]

[Quest details: Last night a player led an army of Angels to kill his fellow man. Thousands of players have died and been made unable to return to the area due to the attacker destroying all the nearby spawn points.

[Quest objective: Help the city rebuild itself]

[Quest reward: The restoration of the spawn points and increased affinity with the city's NPCs]

Holy shit. I can destroy spawn points? Alright, that's neat.

But still...my poor loot….

I finished a SSS+ quest and instead of awesome items all I got in return was reverse-rape by a bunch of horny Angels.

What a rip-off

I mean it's just so sad, you know? Cuz tits are temporary but growth items are eternal. Then again it's a spear and I'm a strength boi. I need like a Dragon Tooth or something. Big D may not cut it if I wanna slay Angels and other top-tier beings later on.

Maybe I should try working on Dragon Slayer magic too in case mommy dearest tries that femdom shit with me later too. I don't trust that woman anymore. I've already gotten raped by an army of my own daughters, I ain't lettin' my mother have a chance too. Or another chance, if she's the one who reverse raped me that first time to begin with.

Father's the only member of my family I trust to not want a piece of my ass, and to be honest maybe not even him cuz his and Lucy's past relationship did sound pretty damn shady. But yeah. Me and Pops against an incestuous mother-daughter pair.

I still haven't forgotten Dolly's little declaration of World Incestification. That girl's brocon is getting out of hand. I love the kid as much as any normal siscon myself, but I certainly don't wanna fuck 'er.

….I say, having fapped to her image many times in my last life. If she wasn't my sister, and it was her future self? 10/10 would smash.

But that's all in the past! I don't care how sweetly sexy her future self is, I ain't poundin' my own flesh and blood. A man has to have lines. Once you cross those lines there isn't any turning back.

"Oops. Did I do that?" I could almost hear Steve's voice coming from my mouth. Honestly, if I accidentally ruin any more cities I'm going to have to buy some suspenders and change my last name to Urkel cuz there's no one else I know who makes as many epic fuck-ups as that guy.

"We are horrible people." Bubbles lamented.

Hopefully no NPCs were harmed in the making of such wanton destruction.

"To be fair, they did deserve it. Having sex in the streets like that....strange people. I wonder who they were? They felt different from everyone else. Like they were here, yet not. I can't recall everything about them due to the drugs, but they were definitely not indiginous to this realm. I would have felt it if they were."

"Eh, don't worry about any of that. We're getting the fuck outta dodge anyway. Besides I don't think anyone knows it was us. We were just part of the show, yeah? Total background characters. " I reassured them. "I'll go make breakfast. After that we can look for everyone else."

Pretty sure Mira would've stayed in her room. But I'm concerned about Baz and Charlotte. They had to be in the city somewhere. Who knew what they were up to when all this chaos went down?

Though, despite my concern I know they can handle themselves pretty well too. Charlotte, at least, should be fine, right? I don't think any regular guys could beat her given her Angelic Aura abilities, and certainly none of these low-level scrubs could touch her.

As for Froggo….Hmph. Disloyal pet. Cryin' just cuz my Chad aura be makin' her dick smaller. If she really thought of me as her owner she'd have offered me her ass. She's seen me reading and watching enough manga(hentai), anime(hentai) and light novels(hentai) to know that if a dude dies and reincarnates, and his pet dies and also reincarnates as a beautiful and busty babe, then its just common sense for the pet to become their owner's personal onahole.

Though I'd never take it as because I don't have any idea where that toad whore's been. But the least she could have done was help me more when I was looking for slime girls.

Thinking about my disappointment in her actions thus far, I went into the kitchen to prepare a meal.

I had barely gone two steps before I heard a feminine groan.

"Uuuhhhngggg…."

I followed the voice and lowered my butchers' knife upon catching sight of none other than Bazman! Er, Bazwoman.

The girl was hunched over the freezer--or the equivalent of since it was essentially just a cupboard a few enchantments carved into it--with thick, yellow...something all over her. Upon noticing the chocolate chips I realized the substance was the batch of cookie dough I keep frozen for a later cooking.

I saw her stare at me through dazed eyes. "Young Master?" She called, unsure.

"Oh no, don't you 'Young Master' me, pall. Look at this mess! What the fuck, dude? Are you out of your ever-loving mind?! You ate my entire stock of dough!" I grabbed her and started shaking the brat furiously.

I was heavily shoved. "Get off of me you beast!" She cried. Literally. Tears welled up in those bright green emeralds of her's. "You won, okay? I admit it! Just kill me like you did them instead of tormenting me like this, you sick fuck!"

"What the hell are you going on about?"

"Typical. Pretending you're innocent when you already killed so many righteous souls." She laughed bitterly. "What scum. I can't believe I actually...for this kind of person…" She broke off into another sob. The light inside her slowly died. "Ah, fine then...just get on with it. Do whatever you want to me. I'm too tired to fight anymore. " She leaned on me strengthlessly.

"Dude. What the fuck? You're talking crazy."

She gave me a warily, untrusting glare. "You...do you really not know what we did?"

"In case you didn't notice, I was kind of high as balls last night. Hell, I even woke up this morning thoroughly defiled and married against my will, so yeah. Safe to say not much of what went down last night stuck with me. So. What happened? Who'd I kill?"

Baz stared at me. Then laughed. "Nothing. No one. Just the cookie dough making me hallucinate, I'm sure. Don't worry about it. Heh...hehehe."

"....Whatever dude. Seriously, you've been so weird lately. I'm not gonna eat you, you know? What with this tragic hentai heroine act? I'm not gonna be trying to lewd you until AT LEAST a few more centuries." I joked. "You aren't ripe yet, after all." My arms cradled her tiny body and I forced her tear-streaked face to look up at me. "Don't worry. You'll be my cute little cookie slut soon enough." I promised softly..

She cried harder than ever.

I almost couldn't hold in the laugh. Oh man. Oh man. I'm evil.

That'll show this guy to send five waves of assassins at me. Damn Baz. Tryna honeypot me by going girly. Saying cookie whore this, cookie slut that. You know, he fears it so much that I think he actually secretly wants that and just don't wanna admit it.

I say fine, if he keeps playing these games with me I WILL take him on as my little pastry bitch. See if I don't make him lick cookie crumbs off my cock. It's what traitors like him deserve, really.

Gotta be careful, Baz, cuz you're finna become my bottom bitch at the rate you're going

[Would you like to designate the NPC "Basil" as your Bottom Bitch?]

Oh come on!