The Candyman Can ‘Cause He Mixes It With Love And Makes The World Taste Good

"I see. " Was all Vera said. Whether she knew what Milly said was true or if she thought the sword was mistaking me for someone else was unknown. The way she kept calling me Papa, I knew, had led people to certain misunderstandings. Either they thought it was me telling her to call me that or they believed the sword mistook me for someone else.

While their conversation went on I was on trying to calm my raging heart. First my roof, now my dark past as a goddamn man-slut who dares pork even his own daughters rears its ugly head.

I'm still more upset about my roof, though. 

"Sister Vera, excuse me. I have to kill sister Grey now." 

Mary stepped into the discussion with a, "I don't think that's a good idea. The Fae Queen is already a challenge. Let's not anger an Archangel too. If you two are sisters then perhaps we should even work together, no?"

"...Hmph! Milly never gets to have any fun." The sword sulked.

"Well hold up now....she tore up my roof."

Wait. But she IS my daughter. So…

I took another look at the destroyed ceiling.

"This isn't murder. It's sending her to heaven." I said, hoisting Milly and putting her over my shoulder with all the righteousness of a man trying to protect his investments.

And isn't that a wonderful thing? Yeah. And you know, technically she's not strictly MY daughter...I can't even remember that life at all. 

Which means I'm NOT a daughter diddler. That's the other guy. Okay? Fuck you. 

"If you get involved too the entire place is going to become a ruin. We were already holding back in consideration, you know?" Sera warned.

I had to admit that may have been true. These femme fatale powerhouses could easily wreck my humble abode without even trying had they fought a bit more carelessly. Especially this little Flame Belle here. I knew well how destructive she could be. 

"A man can't even kill in his own home without it becoming an unrepairable heap these days. What's the world coming to?" I muttered. 

I noticed the Angel-possessed Yesmina float down from the sky just then. Soft, incandescent feathers fell. "If I fix it, will you be happy?"

She stared down at me with her intense amber eyes and slowly descended until she was right in front of me. For some reason no one else reacted to this. In fact, their presences grew fainter by the second as numerous soft golden rays caused the whole room to flare up with a blinding brilliance. They were vague shadowy figures now, Vera and the others, and it was hard to look away from her. 

The system sent a notification I didn't pay attention to. 

The woman didn't make any movement that hinted at a spell and I felt no mana flowing. Yet even so, the various damage caused by the fighting began to fade. It was like a mirage shimmering out of existence. In place of the destruction was a new and pristine interior. Even the roof returned. 

In mere second all evidence of battle disappeared.

I sent out a low whistle of appreciation."Now that's what I call a convenient ability." I snapped my fingers. "Nice job!"

A serene smile lit her entire face while she silently took in my praise.

"Showoff." Milly disdained.

Grey ignored her. "Reward." She said.

"Hm?" 

Her somber, pleading gaze rammed into me. "Reward." The girl repeated in an almost tragic plea. 

I raised a brow. Simple one, isn't she? And here I thought she was some bad apple.

 Having had much experience in this area I knew exactly what she wanted. I laughed throatily and placed a hand on her head. "Good girl. " I patted her indulgently.

She stood there motionlessly for several seconds. I thought she was just enjoying herself, but the way she swatted my hand and frowned proved me wrong. "...The hell is this shit?" She cussed irritably. "Take off your pants, Papa."

 I wanted to cry. 

"Fuck off!" I swore. 

Good girl my ass. She's just after my Johnny!

The illusion of light and Angel feathers broke apart. I'm not sure what the purpose of it was, but it certainly didn't do anything to me that I knew of.

"You broke it." The woman's tone said she didn't understand. "Ah. Did you want them to watch? Or join?"

"Young Master!" Vera rushed at me. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Vera replied hesitantly. "I think she took you into a separate space for a bit. You two just disappeared."

I basically understood just then. "This crazy little…" 

She took us into a pocket space or some shit for private happy end time. What. The. Hell. No wonder I could barely see everyone else. 

How'd she do it? Wish I could use that. Seems pretty useful for a lot of things. I turned my attention to the notifications from the system, and lo and behold I was right.

[You have entered a pocket space]

[After having experienced the skill 'MInor Void Manipulation' and using your extreme comprehension capabilities, you have learned a unique form of Minor Void Manipulation exclusive to your class.]

[Void Manipulation skills of the same level cannot hold you. You have broken out of the pocket space]

[The skill 'Pimp Space' has been learned]

[Pimp Space: Create a customizable environment 225 square feet in size. The time it takes to train bitches is halved while within this space. You take up no room in the outside world while within Pimp Space and people outside of the Pimp Space cannot see or touch you unless willed. Pimp Space is the ideal skill for public humiliation and exhibition play.

Pimp Space has no cooldown but consumes 100 units of energy per minute.]

Of course. Every other protagonist gets the ever-useful storage space, but I get a damn perv station. How the hell am I gonna use this? Is there a point? The heck does it mean to train bitches? I ain't about to start whorin' people out.

What energy, though? It doesn't say. I would assume I could choose what kind of energy to use, then? 

[An infinite source of energy has been detected within the Player. Updating skill. Update complete]

[Through the existence of the Player's Dragon Heart, Pimp Space has been upgraded to the skill Pimp Domain]

Oh what now?

[Pimp Domain: Through the use of a continuous source of energy, the Pimp Domain will grow until it reaches the level of a super-large realm. You are now the Domain Lord of this fledgling realm and can rename it as you wish anytime during it's infant stage. Note that the name of this realm will affect it's nature and cannot be changed a second time either during or after it's infant stage. The mixture of energies flowing from the Domain Lord to the newborn Domain will also affect the nature of all creatures born from within the Domain.]

[After the infant stage is complete you may enter the Domain at will and place doorways to the realm anywhere you wish. You may also destroy these doorways at will]

Okay…

[A great life-giving power has been detected within the Player. Life within your newborn Domain will appear at a faster rate and their evolutionary process will also be accelerated]

I have no idea what the hell is even going on anymore. How the hell did I end up with my own realm? I already got Sera for that, now out of nowhere I got another? Domain Lord...honestly…

 Qin Lie didn't get his own realm until well over a thousand chapters in and I already have two without even trying. 

What's next? 

"Minnie!"  Fucking really?

Just as I was thinking shit can't get any crazier, Dolly comes barreling in through the front door fully decked out in a maid outfit. No, you aren't reading wrong. Dolly, in a maid getup. Running through the short hallway, past all the women wanting to throw down for a piece of my tight little tush, and shouting excitedly for Minnie. As soon as she was just a couple feet away from the woman she fell to her knees and slid into a dogeza

The first words out of her mouth were, "Greetings, Minnie-sensei!" 

"E-Eh?!" Poor Minerva, like me, had not the faintest clue what was happening. Same for everyone else.

Everyone stood in place awkwardly. Sera's hands were engulfed in fire as she prepared to hurl flames at Chef Milf. Chef Milf summoned a crystalline sword that twinkled with a beauty as enchanting and deceptively deadly as herself. Vera and Mary hadn't put those damn roots away. Becks--still holding my hand to her breasts-- had ice spikes pointed at basically everyone except me and Bubbles had a clone by her side with Bubbles Prime holding a blue spear made of suspiciously familiar material. 

Dolly ignored all of that and only looked up once to say, "Cakey? Woah, you changed a lot!"  To the possessed Yesmina. 

"Dolly, we're kinda in the middle of something…" I coughed. "What do you want? What's with this Sensei nonsense?"

She smiled triumphantly. "Oh, Day...I found it. The method that traitor used to lead you astray." She took out a book from her apron's pocket and held it aloft. I almost imagined it giving off it's own light. 

The book's title read, "Maid In Heaven volume 1: Hold me closer, Master."

"I should've known. How else could Vee have taken you from me? Maids are the downfall of men! It's no wonder you fell for her tricks. But don't worry, I'll never give up on you, Day! I'm gonna become a maid too, then I'll seduce you and conquer ZA WARUDO!" She laughed maniacally at that, then got something caught in her throat or something and finished with a cough. "Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, after I get done with that then I'll make incest legal, marry you, and we can move in together. We can eat together every day, bathe together every day, and sleep in the same bed together every day. We can even do all kinds of lewd things like how you and Mary did. Day, by the way, about that...why have we never done lewd things before? It looks so fun and Mary seemed like she really enjoyed it. I felt really warm, fuzzy and excited just watching so it must be something really great, huh! It's really not fair.  If I knew lewd stuff was so thrilling and enjoyable I'd have had you show me how to do them a long time ago. But before all that I have to tempt you towards sinful desire. And for that I have to become a splendid maid. Since Vee's betrayal has left me broken and scarred, I can't turn to her. And Mary must be a terrible maid since Father never tried doing lewd things with her...so that leaves Minnie!"

She...fucking….saw?!

"Dolly, no!" I screamed in horror. 

"Dolly, yes!" She yelled back happily. Mary seemed ready to pass out from embarrassment, she was so red.

"She saw….she saw…." The woman's brain didn't seem able to process the information. 

After finishing her long string of words Dolly turned to Minnie with pure, starry eyes. "Minnie-sensei, please teach me your ways….the ways of a sexy maid!"

"I...this….s-sexy maid, you say…." Minerva's eyes were spinning. "Master, so many things are happening all at once, what do we do?!"

"Yeah, what do we do?" Sera frowned. "Are we going to fight or what?"

"Well, why are you asking me?" I blinked. I just found out my sister saw me fucking our maid, and that she's planning world conquest so she can marry me. Can I not have a minute to grieve? 

"This is all happening because of you in the first place!" Her nostrils flared. "And seriously, are you going to keep letting her do that?!" 

"Hm? Oh crap." I just barely realized that Becks had repositioned herself behind me and started clinging. The fuck? I was so distracted by all the bullshit happening, and so used to Mother doing the exact same thing, that I totally missed what she was doing.

"Warm…" She murmured.

I glared at Vera. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wanted to, but trying to impale her where the sun don't shine while Dolly's here didn't seem like a good idea." The girl explained calmly. It did make sense, I admit.

I switched to Bubbles. "Can you get your sister off me?"

"Oh. Sorry, no." She cleared her throat. " Actually, we came to an understanding just now.

"An understanding," I repeated flatly.

"You're her soul mate, I want to seduce you and break your heart. See where this is going?

"Let me guess, she'll pick up the pieces after you're done." 

She grinned. She then walked over and whispered in my ear. "Don't worry,  I'll secretly come back into your life after a couple months and cuck her. She doesn't know about the last thing though, obviously, so keep it between us."

"You are fucking insane, you know that?"

"Am I not your friend?"

"Again with the fair points. I'm kicking you out of the house then."

"You're going to what now?"

"You can't seriously think I'm going to let you stay, right? I'm an engaged man and you're an aspiring homewrecker. "

"Oh. Right. Actually, I'm surprised you let me stay here as long as you have. You're strangely nice, you know that?"

Sera broke into the conversation. "Um, hello? Stop changing the topic! Focus, people! We're in the middle of an oncoming battle, aren't we? Aren't we…? I...I don't even know anymore."

"Okay. Jeez." I sighed. "Don't worry, I got this. Vee, if you would be so kind." 

The green-haired beauty nodded once. She understood immediately. Without further adieu, she went to Dolly and started chopping at her head. 

Dolly's eyes watered. She, still kneeling on the ground, covered her head with both hands and looked up at Vera with resent and injustice. "Junior, you dare?!" The girl hissed. I mean literally she hissed. "Hssss~!"

"Intolerable bullying!"

"You seek death!"  

"You'll rue this day...rue it!"

""I'll never forgive the trees!"

"I will have my revenge!"

My heart. It's breaking. Dolly, you're starting to sound like every villain ever. Even your hair is turning drill-like, isn't it?! 

Vera was merciless. No matter how much Dolly cried she didn't stopped. A series of pain-filled moans echoed throughout the room.

"You. Do not. Lewd your brother! " 

Mary saw this and snorted softly. "Should you really be the one saying that?" 

She's right. To be honest, it should be me. But I don't have time for that right now. " Wait...are we really not fighting then? Young Master, I don't know about that Angel and Miss Chelsea's sister, but the Erlking is a wholly different kind of person. She's dangerous."

"Agreed. I'm roasting the Fae-bitch." Sera sneered. 

Chef Milf--did I ever get her name?--looked dispassionately at everything going on. "What a ridiculous show." She shook her head derisively. "Forget it. I never planned on allowing any of you to live regardless."

"Oh no you don't. " I pelted Sera with water and then did the same to Chef Milf. "Not in my goddamn house. I just had it repaired. You two calm your tits and take a seat." I went to a nearby dresser, opened the secret compartment, and took out a baggie of pills, a hand-sized cloth purse full of coke, and a box of extra-fat blunts. "We're getting fucked up. No violence. No harming of innocent furniture."

"I'd rather kill." Sera quietly steamed.  " Stop messing around and--"

"I don't have the time to play around right now, lover. We can indulge in recreational activities at another time. For now--"

I accurately shot two pills into their open mouths along with a stream of water. To help them go down, because I'm just a nice guy like that.

As the Fae and Dragon were busy coming to terms with the fact that they'd just been roofied, I looked back at the others.

Vera had long since left with Dolly. Mary would have left too, I imagine...if not for one thing.

[This NPC's special abilities can be sealed. Would you like to proceed with the seal?]

But of course.

"Don't you dare…." Mary stepped back warily.

"Seriously, don't even think about it." Bubbles narrowed her eyes at me.

I smiled at them with all the innocence I could summon. "Pocket coke!" I yelled. It's like pocket sand, but coke!

Becks saw my actions and seemed inwardly torn. It only took her a second to come to a decision. She jumped away from me in an instant and tried to retreat. I would've let her, too. 

But to my surprise, Grey was on her like black on white and restrained her from behind. "Shh….it's okay. You'll love it, too." The girl's whole demeanor became somewhat sensual. Even the way they struggled against each other had hint of eroticism. It went full erotic when the girl grabbed Becks' chest and slowly fondled a mound. "I'll help you get ready." She lightly kissed her neck. 

Becks snarled at her and shards of ice appeared ready to make a pincushion of the pale-haired girl. 

I kinda wanted to let her. I mean I dunno WHAT that bird-brained Angel daughter of mine thought was gonna happen, but she's making me sound like a bad guy here. 

So after quickly powdering their noses I had Grey let her go.

Becks must've been pretty lightweight because she was high almost instantly. She stumbled forward dizzily until she was right back in front of me. I could already tell she was somewhere far away so I sat her down on the couch while everyone else started experiencing their own high.

"This is just like old times~!" Milly hummed cheerfully. "But this time it's Papa drugging them!"

I lit a blunt and took a puff. "I'm not unpackaging that one."

"Um, Master? What about me…?"

I forgot Minnie!

"May you be blessed with pot eternal, Sister Minnie. Here, have a hit."

....What, you thought this was gonna end in a fight? You crazy? Well I mean I guess in other stories you might have expected me to solve this with the power of friendship. 

But nah. Fuck that nakama nonsense.

We solve shit with the power of drugs around these parts.