Review Detail of Moist_Yoda in My Beautiful Disciples, I'm really not the Main Character!
Détail de l’examen
is his name Eren or Ren because you kept changing it. also, the translation randomly drops off a cliff. overall, it's pretty bad or mid Translation. bad translation, really Ruins reading your story. I can't give it a higher rating. if the translation improves, I will come back and review it again. when I review, I'm normally mad or annoyed, which isn't fair to the writer. so I'm trying to be nicer. I will add two points: one, don't say your mc smart, let his actions speak for them Self. as it's annoying when a writer tries telling how smart they are, and later on, they can't rub two brain cells together. this hate comes from a story where the writer tells the mc has crazy high iq and was a number one genius, but he couldn't figure out how using lightning powers in water would hurt him. this less of you thing, and more of bad experiences when writers tell you their mc is smart. two, please try to make the system less in control, as in this story, when the system is determining all his actions, it really removes any agency from your mc. it also removes any chance for your mc to show his smarts. one of the better ways I have seen it. was the system give him Example 1 accept Disciple or 2 Reject disciple. doing 1 gives you a sword 2 gives you the pill. the system doesn't tell him how to do it. it will also reward or lessen his reward based on how well or bad you do. this is just one way you can give agency to your mc. again, this isn't the only way. but at the moment, your mc feels like he doesn’t really matter, and the real mc is the system, and your mc is supposedly really smart guy, but at no point does he feels like it. he feels as smart as your typical mcdonald's work. if you told me he was a fast food worker who loves novels, I would believe it more. this comes down he can't show off any intelligence you would expect from him. nor does he do anything intelligent. nor is he driving the story. jackal among shakes was good because he used his knowledge, and you felt it. this isn't the best or worst I've seen, but it's world better than what you have so far. because you're strangling him with how you're writing the story, I will give you two thumbs up, though. one, your mc isn't really annoying, nor is the story telling me china is the number one. The USA is number one, Russian are the real bad guy. blah-blah, you get the idea nationalist and politics are annoying and tiring. only a few times, they can be good, but this comes down to the story and writing. I write this because of all books with hyper nationalist and real world politics both in webnovel, royalroad, and other places, like I just want to watch/read guy Supplex a dragon. not foxnews. I will keep reading. I just hope this story doesn't go down the hyper nationalist route. I'm going to apologize in advance as I wrote this really late, so I'm afraid this is more of me ranting than a good review. last thing I will say is kept up the grind and good work.
My Beautiful Disciples, I'm really not the Main Character!
Revonne
Aimé par 1 personnes
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His name is Eren, as mentioned in the first chapter. But the character he possessed is called Elder Ren, or Ren, as first mentioned in the third chapter with Disciples calling him Elder Ren, since the people of this world don't know he is not that person anymore. Elder Ren, and Eren are the same person, so their names will sometimes be changed, depending on whose perspective he is being mentioned. Although I already mentioned it in a reply, I thought it's better to reply here as well. Anyway, thanks for the review.
I'm going to apologize, I was already drinking, and webnovel kinda started blending into the same Slush for me. honestly, it is getting harder to pay attention sometimes. I think the novel I was reading before was a complete mess. mc was called Wu Ying. his Gender kept changing, and his name kept changing. Example wu Ying would become tu Ying. then back to wu Ying then back to uy wing, yu wing wuting , etc and even sword would become sworp and another story Randomly put spaces in words every time. dull sw ord, with Eren and Ren, be so similar when i zone out when reading that I thought you had the same issue. as this issue with quite a few other novels. though probably still would get a little annoyed and but i would be more upstanding. as even switching back and forth name are bad Experience when done to quickly . Demonic sect elders cultivate righteous disciples on royalroad does something similar, it might not be the best example, but it was the first thing of recent memory something similar. it helps both names aren't similar, and how they write makes it easier to distinguish them about. I'm going to have to check the story again. removes some comments. this definitely improves it a bit.
Revonne:His name is Eren, as mentioned in the first chapter. But the character he possessed is called Elder Ren, or Ren, as first mentioned in the third chapter with Disciples calling him Elder Ren, since the people of this world don't know he is not that person anymore. Elder Ren, and Eren are the same person, so their names will sometimes be changed, depending on whose perspective he is being mentioned. Although I already mentioned it in a reply, I thought it's better to reply here as well. Anyway, thanks for the review.image
Revonne:His name is Eren, as mentioned in the first chapter. But the character he possessed is called Elder Ren, or Ren, as first mentioned in the third chapter with Disciples calling him Elder Ren, since the people of this world don't know he is not that person anymore. Elder Ren, and Eren are the same person, so their names will sometimes be changed, depending on whose perspective he is being mentioned. Although I already mentioned it in a reply, I thought it's better to reply here as well. Anyway, thanks for the review.image
Moist_Yoda:I'm going to apologize, I was already drinking, and webnovel kinda started blending into the same Slush for me. honestly, it is getting harder to pay attention sometimes. I think the novel I was reading before was a complete mess. mc was called Wu Ying. his Gender kept changing, and his name kept changing. Example wu Ying would become tu Ying. then back to wu Ying then back to uy wing, yu wing wuting , etc and even sword would become sworp and another story Randomly put spaces in words every time. dull sw ord, with Eren and Ren, be so similar when i zone out when reading that I thought you had the same issue. as this issue with quite a few other novels. though probably still would get a little annoyed and but i would be more upstanding. as even switching back and forth name are bad Experience when done to quickly . Demonic sect elders cultivate righteous disciples on royalroad does something similar, it might not be the best example, but it was the first thing of recent memory something similar. it helps both names aren't similar, and how they write makes it easier to distinguish them about. I'm going to have to check the story again. removes some comments. this definitely improves it a bit.
Revonne:His name is Eren, as mentioned in the first chapter. But the character he possessed is called Elder Ren, or Ren, as first mentioned in the third chapter with Disciples calling him Elder Ren, since the people of this world don't know he is not that person anymore. Elder Ren, and Eren are the same person, so their names will sometimes be changed, depending on whose perspective he is being mentioned. Although I already mentioned it in a reply, I thought it's better to reply here as well. Anyway, thanks for the review.image