Review Detail of HANA_4345 in Man?Monster?God?.

So... Where should I begin? The story looks interesting and I notice that the author did try describing the characters and the setting so we, readers, could imagine it. The problem with this was that the author over-described (if that's a word) both things. It made the story confusing instead of making it clear. The second thing is punctuation and grammar. There are too many run-off sentences while describing the characters. Use periods and commas. They are your friends. Also, use a grammar corrector program like Grammarly or just write your draft in MS Word so it corrects the mistakes before you post the story. Remember, good grammar can captivate the audience in this sea of stories. I do think that with a bit of polishing and editing, your story could go far.