Review Detail of kuhaku_sora in The Sanctuary of the Abyss

Great introductions! And I'm loving it already~ The writing is smooth enough to carry me onto the next chapter of Dexter's stories! I commented down everything that I think needs editting. To sum it up, you could include more "showing" than "telling" especially how much pain Dexter had gone through, how it burns his flesh, and so on. You could also reduce the usage of adverbs and use more active verbs to amplify the descriptions of the story. Besides that, I know this novel is going to be an awesome book in the future!