wellappd
Hi everyone! Thanks for checking out my profile! I just started on this platfrom and would love to make friends. Also, I'm writing my first web novel, "The Omega Princess's Choice" so check it out :)
Écriture
de la lecture
84
Lire des livres
Badges
6Moments
44
wellappd9mthPosté"The author only has 4 chapters released so far, but it's showing a lot of promise! Sure, there were a few minor grammatical errors, but they didn't really get in the way of my reading. One thing that might help is breaking up the paragraphs to make the reading flow even smoother, espeically after the dialogues. I absolutely loved the prologue; it really helped me get a feel for the world where Aei lives. Your storytelling is definitely comming along, and I'm digging the way you're building up the plot. It's got that perfect pace that makes me want to know what happens next. Keep doing what you're doing!"
- wellappd9mthCommenté
I think this paragraph could be eddited better. One change could be: "About three unfortunate people, near the point of collision lost their lives, while several others endured severe injuries." Another could be: "With the bus now overturned, the passengers found themselves suspended in their seats, while the less fortunate crashed into the floor."
If the occupants of the bus-like vehicle were ordinary individuals, the accident would undeniably have claimed all the passengers' lives. About three unfortunate people near the point of collision perished, and several less unfortunate souls endured severe injuries. With the bus now overturned, its inhabitants found themselves suspended in their seats, while those less fortunate crashed into the newly transformed floor, including the Escort Sorcerer who, due to his delayed seat belt fastening, suffered additional injuries. - wellappd9mthRépondu à Pixxie_Mysteria999
Can split between these 2 sentences: "The thick glass shield..." and "Aftre stepping inside..."
Aei boarded the bus-like vehicle, devoid of visible wheels, along with other Arcane borns who also had missions in the West zone. The interior of the vehicle concealed its true nature, appearing as a comfortable transportation device with neatly arranged seats equipped with seat belts. The thick glass shield at the front seemed impenetrable, requiring an immense amount of force to break. After stepping inside, Aei surveyed the surroundings and noticed a man in his thirties, of average build, standing and facing the entrance. Presumably, he served as an escort to the group, bearing a tanned complexion and brown eyes that betrayed little emotion. Judging by his age, he was likely an early sorcerer. He wore the New Order suit, adorned with six blue stars on his right chest. - wellappd9mthCommenté
It's getting more and more intersting as you read! I really enjoyed how character developemnt and how the plot is unfolding so far! I just have a small suggestion. When the man of the New Order started talking, maybe add a paragraph about the mission that Aei is going to be going on. I still don't have an idea of what his mission is (maybe you'll talk about it in a later chapter?) but I think it'll help me understand better
Ch 1 Aei. - wellappd9mthCommenté
Jeez! That's promisssing! .... 23 missing and 14 deaths :(
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - wellappd9mthCommenté
Love Aei's jokes lol
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - wellappd9mthRépondu à Pixxie_Mysteria999
You should split it after the conversations. Will help with the reading experiene a lot :)
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - wellappd9mthRépondu à HaremKing777
I think you should name who he is in this sentence: "The previous night, he had received a message from him." And then maybe give a brief 1-2 sentene follow-up on why he received the message? Up to you, but I think that would really help me understand the context of why the message was sent better
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - wellappd9mthCommenté
Can't believe her own family did that to her!
As a result, Gu Xiao did not become famous. Instead, she became a rat that was hated by everyone. When she returned home, she was even despised and insulted by her parents. - wellappd9mthCommenté
oh no! This is so sad! But this usually happens to people in the country side I guess. They don't check everything and end up getting blindsided
The production team arranged for three children from the countryside and three children from the city to stay in the same villa. They gave everyone a script that mainly reflected the elegance and dignity of the children from the city and the vulgarity of the children from the countryside. However, the audience loved this. - wellappd9mthRépondu à MindHNtR
lol I'm glad that you looked it up for my story😊
"How would that change that no one knows that I am an Omega mother?" - wellappd9mthRépondu à 002_Yuki_Onna
Yup, at least so far! So hard to break traditiona sometimes....
The palace's halls were adorned with portraits of past rulers, their stern gazes a reminder of Lumina's history. While some whispered of change and progress, the majority clung to the comfort of familiarity. Evangeline was burdened with the weight of her lineage and the expectations of her future role as queen, even as her own identity was stifled. - wellappd9mthPosté
I've only read Volume 1 but love the storyline and pacing of the story. I was not sure at first what was happening between the plologue and the first chapter but as you continue to read, you begin to understand what the story is about and get more and more involved in the plot line. This is usually not the type of genre I like to read, but I would defenitely recommend to give it a chance.
- wellappd9mthCommentéCh 3 Through the doorway!
- wellappd9mthCommentéCh 4 The Elves