Kaiimei

Oh, you don't have to stop at all, it's more just making small changes to make it more believable. Make him have a few moments of hesitation before and after his first kill because he's never killed an actual person, never watched someone crawling along the floor, someone whose torso he tore in half with a shell with their entrails strewn on the dirt behind them. Not saying you have to start going into gore and horror or whatever, but make it more impactful that he actually killed people. As for his immediate picking up on exactly what Ironwood was going to do, it was the same issue with other characters, they came to the exact correct conclusion with no real evidence and no logical progression to their thoughts, that's a more widespread issue that just takes practice to get out of in my opinion, my own characters used to do that a lot and occasionally still do, despite my best efforts <3

Hey, constructive criticism is one of the best avenues for growth <3 I know my first reviews (Over on Fanfiction) were almost all just friendly and positive, and that was nice, but it didn't help me grow. It took me almost 8 months to settle into my current style of writing and I just look back at those old chapters and honestly kinda wish people were just a little more critical of my work, it would have helped me to write better stories. The thing is, I like this story, and I want it to be better. These little issues that I notice as a writer myself (1.7 million words archived so far, closer to 1.8 million though if you count AO3 stuff) are little things that might put readers off without them really recognising it actively. I might come across as a bit mean or not understanding but that's an issue I have with any story I read now. After writing so many of my own stories, I can't switch off that side of me that says "This sucks for these reasons" and I start disliking the story, even if sometimes that dislike isn't warranted. I can wholeheartedly say though I did enjoy the story, the review is as low as it is simply because of the issues mentioned, plus I think you are writing a bit too quickly and as such the quality suffers, with issues cropping up like spelling mistakes, at one point a few words in a sentence were missing (I tried to find it, idk if you fixed it or not but I gave up quickly, woo for a short attention span) and other small issues that, again, aren't story-breakers to most people but that kinda put me off. The way I see it is that if your story has a ton of easy-to-fix mistakes like that in it, it just tells me you don't care enough about your story to reread what you wrote and correct the obvious errors. I'm not saying you don't care, just that doing that is what it tells me <3

That's definitely best. I mentioned in my review that a beta would be a really good idea, someone to read the story from a different perspective. I know that when writing, what you think and what others think can massively differ, so having that second perspective can be invaluable. I look at it and I see him effectively just immediately deducing that the only possible option is the correct one, it's an issue I had with my own stories. You have to sometimes have characters make completely the wrong assumption because that's a natural part of life. If they always arrive at the correct conclusion, well, obviously that's not great story-writing. And the other problem is that he doesn't come across as that kind of person. Hanns comes across as only being SFAQL against Grimm, so it was out-of-left-field for him to just up and decide that literally killing people is a-okay, especially since what, a few days ago at best he was a normal person playing video games and being a lazy shut-in. He recognised that people weren't NPCs, they are people, he even said something to that effect, and yet, he doesn't have even a single tiny fraction of a moment of indecision or a moral dilemma about actually killing people.

They bring an army because he's a complete unknown. If a mysterious and obviously alien object with incredible firepower suddenly appears, even if it starts killing Grimm, you don't just go out there with a few people and risk them dying. You send a punitive force you think is strong enough to take it down if it's a threat. Put yourself in his shoes, and give yourself his time to react. The fact he immediately settled on "They MUST be here to experiment on me and tear me apart!" is unrealistic. I guess maybe you're of a much more militant mind and think that shoot first, ask questions later is a reasonable policy to have.

I don't know, maybe the fact that Remnant is a War World full of Grimm, and they have no idea whether he would attack them, so the principle of safety in numbers would occur. He's literally a war machine, and as far as they know he's attacked everything he's seen so far. He didn't hesitate even slightly and immediately decided they HAD to be there with hostile intentions, and he shot first.

Okay, I'm gonna just be upfront about this: You need to get ahold of a beta, someone who will read through the chapter and make it flow better. There's way too many parts that either are just outright mistakes, or do things that you really needed to stop and think "Does this make sense in-universe?" The first major thing was Hanns shooting first at the Atlesians. He had absolutely no way to know what they were there for, aside from that it was likely for him. Whether they were there to investigate, to capture him, to kill him or simply to confirm that he did in fact exist, he couldn't possibly know, and yet he held no hesitation in shooting at them and killing a large amount of people without remorse or even a moment of real thought. The characters do that a lot, they very quickly reach the correct answer and nothing even remotely dissuades them from that answer. You need to put yourself in their position and give some serious thought as to whether that conclusion is the conclusion that they should have reached at that moment. As for the story itself, it's an oddball but I like that, the idea of a living tank with a game system, that's a fun story idea that I haven't read in a story before. A bit silly sometimes and picturing exactly what Hanns is doing can be hard since you seem to prefer more vague terms and broad strokes for the combat, but that's fine.

...No, he really wouldn't. His obedience would drop through the non-existent floor, you've already taken his vision, what else does he even have that you can take, when you've now utterly neutered his ability to fight. And with that, his followers would also become even more insubordinate. Fear only goes so far before it becomes useless, you have to be able to extend that influence. Stalin did it through his Secret Police, and Cinder? She has 2 goons, she can't impose that fear-based influence on the White Fang, she's just completely screwed herself over by doing that, removing a very valuable fighter from her side of the board entirely and at the same time removing multiple pawns.

Or, alternatively, it's teaching them to look for the valuable information mixed with the chaff. Think about it, he usually tells them how a Grimm can be defeated, but he does it in the midst of a story that sounds self-aggrandizing and boring. The same kind of story a civilian leader might tell them whilst also mentioning pertinent information.

Ahh yes, immediately kill the burgeoning trust she has in you, that's the best way to strengthen the team. Seriously, you tell her that you wouldn't interfere, she acts genuinely sincere in thanking you, and you immediately betray that by going ahead and interfering anyway. Honestly, if Blake runs away from her team now, it'd be perfectly justified.

I'm just gonna point this out: Think about whether that was actually a good idea. Potentially ruining an exceptionally elaborate and delicate weapon that might take weeks or months to repair to full function again. I get this is ya first story boo, heaven knows my first was a garbage fire of stupid decisions, but you need to put yourself into the shoes of your characters more and give some HARD thought about their actions and whether they make sense in the moment.