XP_HAVOK

familiar not family

nice the book he bought for the order is useful for him

this is pretty much a repeat of the part above lol maybe could mix em together 🤔

as your going through the earlier chapters I think one small mistake I commonly see that I'm not sure if you've done much is time clashes where someone says a few days or weeks or more passes then later it's only been 2 days stuff like that is very common in translations for some reason but I don't think there was much or that in the chapters I remember

yeah sorry about that I came off a different spree of reading different books where the translation got slowly worse and ruined the whole book so I'm more annoyed when I see that as this seems like a good book just needs good translation

yeah I was wrong I got him and another character from earlier mixed up sorry about that

in English usually when you have a creature or animal ect you define the gender or just say it or they whatever is better sounding to you. we don't really have the language thing of masculine or feminine words so in English when it translates and you call something a her then a he it throws off the whole character or the readers immersion

at the end of of the paragraph you say "fingers he has" after referring to the creature as a she multiple times. then lying behind her should be it instead of her as it sounds like your talking about the crate and calling the crate female lol otherwise it's well done.

dothrakis do not sail or like the sea it was a massive problem in game of thrones as they must be with their horses and all that jazz

if it can effect blood there is zero reason it can't effect water as both deal with minerals In a liquid with blood being much more complicated