MorganLionheart
Where shall I begin, perhaps with what brought me here. I started a certain journey about three years ago, I'm an OLEN writer, will you follow me on my journey now?...
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Your very welcome, what i would do is re-read the story and watch for key points. - Does the thought process between one paragraph and the next make sense. (Sometimes there might be a sentence or two of transition either missing or out of place.) - Watch out about changing POV’s not only in the same chapter but also in the same thought. (Going from inward like I, My, to outward “she wrigggled under shelly’s touch”) doing that can throw off your reader if its too sudden. Lastly, -Maybe hand it to someone you trust for some editing. But, I would only take the last step once the volume is done at this stage. You could re-release one chapter at a time if you want, but, for one it would cause a greater waiting period which your readers might not appreciate since you’ve come this far already.
Although the writing does seem a bit clumsy at times, there is NOTHING about this story i didnt like. Firstly, the premise is great, leaving the place you’ve known the best to retrieve what you’ve lost. The character development is on point, The author is very careful to peice together Shelly’s story in such a way that you can really connect with her. The story isnt bogged down with your typical tropes either, dont get me wrong, I love a good romance, but taking a step from that, giving Mou and Shelly the relationship like that of a sister and baby brother or even mother and son, it does something that i think actually draws you closer to them. Plus, Mou is a HOOT! I truly believe that as time goes on, the author has more time to develop and become more confident, these stories will be VERY hard to match. I look forward to the continuation not only of this story but, the creators growth as an author!
And neither is Makoto, Theres a DDUMMM DUM DUUUUUMMMM moment coming
Your right, shes not but... no spoilers
Vanpire Hunter Ascociation V H A
Dude i’mma make you cry at some point. Don’t write off Cassandra just yet
He couldnt just come out with it. When you get to the second to final chapter you’ll see why
Oh duuuuude, if you ONLY knew!
If you mean The wheel of a cart, you need a space
This is such a little brother thing to do! He’s so carefree and hilarious !
You’ve got a solid story, the only thing i would say is, try thinking of it more as a draft, each suggestion is a point to think through and decide if making changes makes sense to you or not