shacochan

Well written. .....................................

eighteez nuts

Rune knight's fire rune!

Now that I've read the chapter, the obnoxicity of the repeated use of 'I' is quite apparent. I'll revise it when I'm feeling clinical and I'll ommit this oddity in my upcoming chapters.

You don't have to listen to my advice after all I don't know what your motivations are. I am well aware being a successful webnovel author doesn't exactly correlate with better writing skills.

Wasn't expecting a conversation. I'll be more upcoming with the review. You claim the story goes slow. I don't believe that is the case. Pacing aside, you are focusing on the wrong things to describe. Perhaps you have improved over the months. I only have 18 chapters to work with. After the read, I am left utterly oblivious to the Mc's thoughts. How could I begin to speculate when you gave me nothing to work with? What food does he like, what ticks him off, what does he love, does he have a sense of humor and much more. 'Bob ignored the loud questioning with a nonchalant expression.' is breadcrumbs compared to a sentence like 'Bob glued his eyes to the flickering candle light. The barrage of questions was too much to take in at once. He needed time to sort his thoughts so he relaxed his face and tried his best not to flinch. Predators lunged on prey when they flinched, he hoped to give them pause with this universal law.'. This is an example of what you should aspire to call slow. As for chaos, well, idk what meaning you labeled it. What I mean by chaos simply put is not peaceful. It can be as simple as mosquitoes bugging the Mc every afternoon or some minor family disputes to something exaggerated that I'm sure I don't need to describe. I'm willing to read just to know how the mosquitoes are resolved. I am not looking forward to reading nothing. As I said, chaos is a writers friend.

Review till chapter 18 Focus on the why than the what the character reacts to stimuli. The read was a childish forcing edge lord behavior. The beginning chapters are too lackluster and peaceful. Chaos is a writers best friend. The mcs insentives for progress are also lackluster. There is no sense of urging or worry. Work on that.

I'll keep in touch and let you know what I think when I do. I like works that take progress slowly, takes its time to set the world and character personalities. Although you've failed to do it decently, I believe it's what you strive for at the core. I want to see you succeed so I can get engrossed in a story I like. Prologue is everything. I suggest you rewrite it multiple times until its decent. I myself am a moody novice writer, lazy and irregular perhaps. In the past few days and month, I've written Prologue after Prologue, all for the same novel, each with different thoughts behind them. When I'm bored, I write something else and go back to the prologue soon after. It's helped me find a writing style I enjoy and 'perfect' the prologue that matters so much. Many readers simply read the first chapter before deciding to continue or move on. Webnovel had recommended your novel as a potential starter. Fate may not be kind the next time around. Perhaps you may find the redundant action boring, perhaps there are better ways to improve in writing. This is what I'll be sticking to for a while however and perhaps you may find it helpful to do the same.

Review for a read until chapter 8. I will never understand the appeal of systems for readers nor what motivates authors to purposefully go against the core of story writing. Putting Grammer and my bias aside, there are unsalvageable mistakes that makes the read unpleasant. The prologue is not catchy at all. It simply follows the bland current of a river mechanically that I can't fathom to understand. It's too normal, too peaceful, too nothing. I want something exci ING or thought provoking that makes we want to read the next chapter, ignoring the small scale of them. The characters are, well, I can't give my opinion on them because I wasn't given the chance to meet them. Who is the Mc and why am I following him in the journey? Not a shred of personality, monologue or otherwise. It makes or breaks a story. The world is never described. Vague mentions of them aren't enough. Making them too detailed is undeniably tedious and unnecessary, I understand, but a middle ground must be found else leave the readers confused. What does the magic school look like, is it hogwards like or modern campus like? What is the buses color, the street, is the sky normal or is green light the norm? I have no idea because they were never briefly touched on. The pace needs to be be slowed down with these corrections. I hope you get better at writing.