waurpel

Soon, I swear!

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Fig.2

Fig.1

The awesome world map! You can go thank the artist on RoyalRoad :)

So I'll start by saying that the story has a very good flow The events are orderly and it's great at heightening tension. The writting isn't bad, but there is a lot of ground for improvement. Due to some phrasing in the dialogues and the way paragraphs are organised, it sometimecreates misunderstanding (For example, I misunderstood for the entirety of the first chapter that the father expected his daughter to marry his friend... Not his friend's son!). There's also a bit of a 'world background' issue. I won't say too too much on the subject, but to make it short; when and where is this story set? From the names and other observations, I would assume it is suppose to take place in a western country in the modern day... And most likely english, leaving only the UK and the USA. Arranged marriage are *extremely* rare in both of these countries. In fact, it would be heavily frowned upon in society at large and only a minority would even consider it. It's also considered illegal fo the most part, although you could argue that they weren't 'forced' to do it. The mention of a butler also adds more to the confusion as butlers are extremely rare even in extremely rich families... If you tell me this was set before the 1950s or in a more traditional oriented country, I could believe it, but in the two countries I'm speaking of, and in modern times; it would be nothing short of outrageous. It's not to say that it makes your story bad, I just think that it could use more work on the background to make it more believable. There's a concept in writting called 'suspension of disbelief' or in other words 'how much unrealistic things your audience is willing to look past'. Your story kind of breaks past what the audience is willing to look past. If you were to set your story in Japan/Korea/China/India/Saudi Arabia.... or other more conservative country, it would make a lot more sense! (and would only require you to change the names of characters around to make it fit that setting) Keep your head up! For a first story, this is very good and I hope you keep working on it! Just remember to take the time to evaluate the 'suspension of disbelief' in your story!

That's right: “She’s like you. Father’s dirty blood managed to stain her after all this time.” Silka's mother and Goldie have the same father, but not the same mother. When she says, she is talking about their father which is why she doesn't 'my father' or 'your father'. it's something that equally 'stains' both their lineage. It just doesn't show for Silika's mother (Think of it as a recessive gene; two people with brow hair can have a blond haired child if they have the genes. Although in the case of heritage, only one of the parents need to have the gene in their ancestry to pass it on.) I also saw your message! I'll look into it asap!

The story has an amazing flow. It's so easy to get immersed when the events just flow so naturally into each other. The worldbuilding is interesting and the supernatural element keeps the world interesting while not being blown out of perspective. Great job!