Bran_Ng

Raw?

This novel is better than most other novels on this site with one major issue, the MC's intelligence, there are many ways the Mc can get powerful quickly but that would not be a good story so the authors makes the MC do dumb things and not think of others. A better way to write cheat novels in my opinion is to give your self points and use those points to create a system, positive aspects cost points depending on how op it is, negative aspects increase points based on how terrible the draw-back is. You can think of writing like a Dungeon Master in a rouge-like tabletop game like DnD, you want to make a compelling story but can't make it too easy for your Players ( MC/readers ), you also can't make the game harder by forcing plot points ( making the MC make dumb decisions ), so you make rules to what and what not the Players ( MCs ) can do via their characters ( cheats/systems ). I realized that this is less of a review and more of writing advice from a reader but Your story can be better author, your idea is original-ish but your execution is lacking as stated by the negative reviews. I am sure you realized this because you rewrote the story and added a limit to the system but you can't make your MC dumb to compensate for the power scaling. An idea for a negative aspect if you ever rewrite this a second time is to make your MC practice to break-through with the system just removing all the repetitive processes ( the MC has to get the idea of how to advance and can do it if given enough time to be able to advance to unlock the ability to advance, so you might as well remove the comprehension points feature ). Do take my advice with a grain of salt as I am not a writer, best of luck.

Capital letters, paragraphs and your style of writing needs work, good attempt for a novice author but you definitely write better.

This can be reinforced by chapter 340 in which Everblood gets the time codex and gives it to Kevin but why would Everblood give such a powerful artifact to someone else if not he was under the orders of someone else like future Ren using a mana contract or something similar ( I think this can be argued against ).

Spoiler bellow ( This review is a theory on the novel having read up to chapter 486 with many skipped chapters ): I have theory, the other Ren who can see the future ( chapter 484 ) is Ren, time traveled into the past as the ultimate plot to ensure Kevin defeats the demon king, future Ren is also the one who most likely gave current Ren the time codex ( chapter 10 ), fabricated current Ren's memories and set up everything which allowed the novel to progress. Every single dangerous moment was allowed because future Ren experienced it and those moments allowed current Ren to grow. This is most likely wrong but it is what I think might happen.

Perhaps an idea for this is to make the MC practice in order to breakthrough, like if the MC breakthroughs to Seaheart layer 2 from 1, he has to learn the technique but the mindless practicing can be replaced by the system and he has to practice in order to allow the system to allocate the exp to the technique allowing for a MC who works for his power and do provide an origin to his system, like future MC gave the system to past MC and at the end of some stage the system goes away but leaves behind the peerless talent MC displays using the system. All of this can be taken with a grain of salt as I am not a writer but a reader, if you ever want to rewrite this story, take your reader's advice into account.

I do believe his cheat is too broken, I want to see the MC work to get results, their cheats may help them remove limiters on talents but I want to see them work hard for their power. A good first attempt with passion but I feel that it has fallen into the same pit hole you tried to avoid.

Pretty good novel, hope you keep the quality and not fall into a pit trap that is making the mc too op and ruining the power balance.

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