The author writes competently and the idea is good, but he couldn’t cope with the execution; there is very little logic and frankly childish actions of the main character everywhere, and I generally keep silent about the system and its creator; in short, it’s horror and not fan fiction; the author needs to work on the story itself and then everything will be fine; good luck him in this 🤔

Author, no offense, you are a good writer, but specifically in terms of grammar, but your plot is terribly illogical for the actions of even a teenager, I was so stupid and illogical in the 3rd grade, namely until the age of 8, when I accumulated enough knowledge to make adequate decisions, and your y sounds like a real 8-year-old and not a reborn teenager :(

I have a feeling that you are trying to make a very stupid gg with a very stupid plot :(

Very stupid and naive :( If we assume that knowledge about chakra, in principle, through it can get to vegapunk and the world government.

The author writes very contradictory and stupid. There are too many inconsistencies in this fanfiction, both in the plot and in the construction of the characters. There are a lot of moments where they write to us about one thing and in the next chapter the whole plot turns 180 degrees, and it’s so stupid that this story is written by several different authors with different preferences and who don’t know what happened in the last chapter, in short, my personal opinion, this fanfic is needed read only to those who do not care about the plot in general and those who love NTR

I didn't understand how he got hurt by wind and lightning if he can use the power of lightning fruit??????

the author writes in a hurry, the text sometimes seems to have nothing in common with each other, as if a bunch of mini stories in one. I don't understand why he changed gender? could you just write about the girl?? In general, you can read, but the story is purely for a non-whimsical reader. P.s. It's just my opinion, it's up to you to read it or not.

Очень скучный фанфик. Автор постоянно пишет так будто гг силен но не проходит и минуты чтения как он делает из него наивную тряпку которая постоянно не достаточно силён чтоб справиться с противником. Я понимаю что автор пытаеться растенуть сюжет показав что гг со временем становиться сильнее и для этого он придумывает причину, стимул гг НО автор делает это так не умело что весь рассказ вообще не состыковываеться. Короче очень скучный и нелепый фанфик🤔

The author, I realized that money is needed and all that But why did he kill an innocent guard with his strength and chakra is enough and just hit the helmet pl harder to knock it out ?????

Well, in general, it was not bad before Robin Hood in the bushes, who knows how to hide no worse than a shinobi. And the poison on the arrows is serious? I don’t want to offend, but poison in ancient times was very expensive, not to mention the fact that they generally came to kill a bear? in short, the essence of what the story is not bad, but there are a couple of poorly thought out moments that hurt the eyes, I hope the author will pay attention to them in the future :)

Wasn't the scale 78/100 after buying the watch. Why is she now 60/100?

Many stupid and illogical moments, and the story itself was created only to extort money from us, I don’t advise you to even start reading.[img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap]

What kind of nonsense are you writing why? not knowing the canon, your hero follows the plot. Why do demons, knowing about the fallen, ignore everything? The fallen attacked them, which means they violated the contract. The hero didn't think that the fallen in the church were okay. But where to look for a priest then if not in the church, and it's not fate to ask where Asia was kept, or to chat with Sonya is much more important? Why didn't he manage to save Asia? Isei in the anime did not have time because of Rias, but what prevented the hero from coming on time? What has he suffered all this time? Why does he tell Rias and Sonya anything at all about his power, he doesn't owe them anything. And most importantly, where is the system and techniques from Naruto that you can learn yourself like rasengan or raikiri? Why did he limit himself to taijutsu hyuga the same Rock Whether much stronger in short nonsense I went from here I can't read it further.

What kind of nonsense are you writing why, not knowing the canon, your hero should he why the demons, knowing about the fallen, ignore them despite the fact that they attacked them and therefore violated the contract, He did not think that the fallen were in the church, but where to look for a priest then if not in it and ask where Asia was not fate or chat with Sonya where more important and why he did not have time Isei in the anime did not have time because of Rias and what did your hero suffer all this time and why does he tell Rias and Sonya about his strength at all, he does not owe them anything and most importantly where is the system and the reception from Naruto that you can learn yourself like rasengan or raikiri and why did he limit himself to taijutsu hyuga the same Rock is much stronger, in short, nonsense I went from here I can't read it further.

😤😤😤😤😤😤👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌

ты наченаешь писать бред если посмотришь аниме то узнаешь что о кулинарных боях Сома узнал уже после поступления здесь ты мог использовать фразу я докажу что лучший или типа того да и ты не написал названия блюда что они готовили для Эрины а по описанию у главного героя салат какой-то а не блюдо с яйцом которое в аниме требовали если пишешь рассказ про еду то хоть названия и описания блюд описывай и следуя канону старайся не упускать подобные режущие глаза мелочи иначе потеряешь многих читателей

он ведь тупой откуда тогда память? из жопы чтоль( Мне кажется автор себя описывает не буду это читать удачи надеюсь когда ни будь ты поумнеешь и напишешь нормальный фанфик(

you write huyinu this is not a word-of-mouth but the deeds of his curse bestowed by the god of life and death before you write a hundred, you at least read the description of the abilities in the original (you greatly disappoint as an author with such nonsense, on this I will stop reading your fanfic of good luck and I will put your next story more thoughtful (

are you serious? Is he supposed to be his son or what the fuck is Roger's pedigree?