Alanray64

Lv15

Avid reader, particular interests in Urban, rebirth/cultivation, critical returns and such novels along the theme of “am I a cultivation big shot”

2018-05-27 JointAustralia

-d

Écriture

2.8kh

de la lecture

1777

Lire des livres

Badges

33

Moments

4672

Alanray646 hours ago
Commenté
Seriously does the author check his work at any stage? A very rookie error.
Here's a refined and engaging version of the scene:
An Extra’s Rise in an Eroge
Fantaisie · Sensual_Sage
Alanray646 hours ago
Commenté
Isnt Sol a female?
"What's so important there? Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Sol asked, his curiosity piqued.
An Extra’s Rise in an Eroge
Fantaisie · Sensual_Sage
Alanray647 hours ago
Commenté
Even though I am enjoying the read, I am finding the carelessness of the author allowing repeated paragraphs to continue. It disrespects the readers who are paying for this.
I composed myself quickly and shrugged, suppressing the grin. "What do you mean? We just had some light conversation, that's all." I forced my expression to become more neutral. "Were you expecting something to happen?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
An Extra’s Rise in an Eroge
Fantaisie · Sensual_Sage
Alanray648 hours ago
Répondu à Joethedeath
Maybe some note left in by somebody who helped fix the writings. Though very poor showing of the author to not check anything to ensure it was fine to upload.
Here's your revised scene with added expression, while staying as close as possible to your original text and improving readability:
An Extra’s Rise in an Eroge
Fantaisie · Sensual_Sage
Alanray649 hours ago
Commenté
What’s this ranking mean?
Skills: Observer's Gaze (B-SSS)
An Extra’s Rise in an Eroge
Fantaisie · Sensual_Sage
Alanray649 hours ago
Commenté
Not a very good job in proofreading own work.
Arthur lay sprawled on his bed, idly tapping his fingers against the headboard, confined to his room under the vigilant watch of his maids. Suddenly, the door flew open, and his mother Iliyana, sister Elena, and stepmother Elona hurried in, worry etched across their faces. Arthur lay sprawled on his bed, idly tapping his fingers against the headboard, confined to his room under the vigilant watch of his maids. Suddenly, the door flew open, and his mother Iliyana, sister Elena, and stepmother Elona hurried in, worry etched across their faces.
An Extra’s Rise in an Eroge
Fantaisie · Sensual_Sage
Alanray64a day ago
Commenté
I am surprisingly enjoying this novel. Never really been overly enthused with this genre, yet this one has me looking forward to the next chapter. I’ve just read to here and now privlage is available, but I won’t start now as there is only 3 days till next month. Anyways, pretty good. Translation and grammar is lacking in places and could have done with some proofreading, however It can be ignored if I wasn’t so OCD about things. Good stuff!
Ch 65 Charlotte Oral Sex
Lust System: Harem in Modern World
Urbain · Heavenly_Venerate
Alanray64a day ago
Commenté
Is Tyan just a typing error and is meant to be Ryan?
Apparently, his sister-in-law had just registered her very first WhatsApp account. Her first order of business? Sending a friend request to Tyan, which he only now noticed.
Lust System: Harem in Modern World
Urbain · Heavenly_Venerate
Alanray64a day ago
Commenté
4D? What is this referring to? I understand 3D but 4D refers to space?
Suddenly, a 4D interface appeared around him, displaying anatomical diagrams, gene sequences, and streams of text in English and other unfamiliar languages. It seemed to be an extraordinarily detailed explanation.
Lust System: Harem in Modern World
Urbain · Heavenly_Venerate
Alanray64a day ago
Commenté
Grammar is wrong.. should be…Your son in law…
"My son-in-law is also here to make it up to you."
Lust System: Harem in Modern World
Urbain · Heavenly_Venerate

I will Break The Heavens

Alanray64 · Urbain

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