Xavier_Kaito

t's a good start and the writing structure is good too. I'm looking forward to more adventure and excitement coming from this book. It's a shame you didn't continue this story because it had great potential.

Could you tell me the original name of the story because someone deleted the comment about the name?

A beautifully done translation and I see that many in the comments ask for the original story so here it is: https://b.faloo.com/html_1184_1184624/ But I recommend you to read the story of the translator because Chinese is very complex to understand and it's all the more nice to read the story of the person who works to translate it.

Oui

No, I don't think I'm going to continue the story started by cywsaphyre because I'm currently overloaded with my studies and extracurricular activities. I recommend you search with the fanfiction name to see if anyone else has continued this story. Sorry for the late reply.

No, I don't think I'm going to continue the story started by cywsaphyre because I'm currently overloaded with my studies and extracurricular activities. I recommend you search with the fanfiction name to see if anyone else has continued this story. Sorry for the late reply.

Ivy Potter or Daphne is the best option for you in the story because so far you have built the characters to be sort of rivals and furthermore the development of the story means that the main character will have contact with both families. Personally, I prefer Fleur as I expect a development of why she falls in love with the main character (Common interests in magic, Intellectual chemistry...) as in the myriad of other fanfics, more often than not she magically falls in love with the main character because of her veela lineage which I find too simple, yes that may be one of the reasons but you need to add others to make it feel authentic.

No, just Edthyne.

I'm sorry for the confusion with the Merlin series and yes I recommend you rewrite the beginning by adding more childhood scenes with separate points of view to deepen the way the characters think.

First of all I write this review not to hurt the author but to give him my personal opinion on the story and so that he can improve it. At first, I find it good but not at all developed enough whether it is the world that surrounds the Potter twins before Hogwarts or the characters themselves. I think you should revise the development of the world even if it is inspired by other Harry Potter fan fiction. Concerning the development of the characters, it's almost empty of course if you saw the Merlin series and the Harry Potter movies, you can imagine them but the story doesn't develop them at all. As far as writing is concerned, one problem would be the text blocks that I find really horrible but otherwise on the whole at the level of spelling it is not too bad. Before the conclusion here are several advices: The first advice is to make character sheets for each character because it will help you to develop them in your story. The second tip is to take your time because currently the story is in the 11th chapter and you are already at Hogwarts while you could have approached a huge development of character and history in the changes that Jake has brought in the childhood of Harry. The last piece of advice is if you want your story to attract publishers you need to write much longer chapters. In conclusion, despite all the problems mentioned above, I think the story has real potential so keep going.