Will5010
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I love the stroy line but the story could definitely benefit from some editing. for example "yes we want chef" would read better as "yes we want to" strictly speaking this would still be not how a native speaker would say this however you may want to maintain it as a stylistic choice. overall great work but I'd love to see some minor tweaks to improve readability!
great work, the quality is good, there was a little dip in intrest when he first crashed but this is developing into an interesting side ark! looking forward to finding out how he will combat the malevolent power, cultivation maybe? on a side note, I think the date on the announcement is wrong😂
This book seems to have the foundations of a great book but is let down by poor writing. if you want to see what I mean I've left comments in the first chapter. another thing is the way speech is handled, having the name after every speech is disjointing. try to build the speech into the sentences. the name after style could then be used for greater effect in confusing fight scenes or when lots of aside characters are talking. Also in general work on the way you express ideas. eg aghh its my alarm is both a unnatural thing to say and disjointing. instead he jolted awake, realizing the dragon roars were in fact his alarm clock. This only an example, there's many ways to do it but this book has a lot of potential if you go back and rewrite it.
begets means from. Therefore "This seed begets infinate potential.........
another gave them manna, a magical energy with intimate applications. manna is repeated twice and use of and is tiresome
change above to monsters, great beasts and humans..... However the humans were meager and feeble, so the gods took putty on them..... three ands in one sentence it too much. try to reduce your use of and in your writing.
also the gods should be added to the above paragraph as life, the universe and the gods all come from the tree
"from which" repeated use of and