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At 17, Ella leaves the familiar constraints of her strict, religious home for the unknown freedom of university life. She dreams of a fresh start, a chance to break free from her insecurities and redefine herself. But life doesn’t follow her script. From a tumultuous living situation with a controlling family friend to the heartbreak of a love that was never fully hers, Aisha’s journey is one of self-discovery through pain, resilience, and growth. Along the way, she faces toxic relationships, crushing self-doubt, and the overwhelming pressure of an uncertain future. As she stumbles through love, heartbreak, and moments of despair, Aisha learns that the answers she seeks can only be found within herself. Her story is raw, emotional, and deeply human—a testament to the struggles of finding identity, purpose, and strength in the face of adversity. "You Are What You View Yourself" is not just Ella's journey—it’s a mirror for anyone who has ever felt lost, unsure, or unworthy. Through her words, she reminds us that healing begins with self-acceptance and that the power to change our lives lies in how we see ourselves. Based on a real life experience
Title: Stepping Into the Unknown
Journal Entry: January 20th, 2021
My name is Ella, but I prefer being addressed as Ezer. Ezer means "warrior," and that's how I like to see myself. Ella, on the other hand, sounds too delicate. As the third child in a family of six, there's no room for delicate. My parents are very practical, strict, and overly religious.
I grew up in a Catholic home where my dad had a 'unique' view of gender roles, along with a long list of rules.
No boys.
No phone until after high school graduation.
No leaving the house without permission. And if—if—permission is granted, be back before six. Not 6:01, not even 6:00. By 5:59, you'd better be at home.
And this applied to everyone, regardless of age or gender.
No, I'm not exaggerating.
These rules kept us in check, but they also completely ruined my social life. I'm 17 and have never had a real friend, let alone a boyfriend (if I ever did, my parents would literally kill me). I still get lost in my own state, for God's sake!
All of this contributed to my decision to pick a university far from home. Dad wanted me to "go back to my roots" since it's my hometown, but honestly, I just wanted freedom.
As I stand at the entrance of my house, I'm finally happy to get a taste of that freedom. But my emotions are a mix of hope, enthusiasm, and uncertainty about what the future holds. This isn't the first time I've left home—I went to boarding school before—but it was a missionary school, which meant more rules. I guess I had some fun, though.
My parents even gave me "the talk" about sex for the first time... ugh, awkward.
I'm excited to meet boys, escape the suffocating clutches of endless rules, and experience life. But I hesitate.
I hug my siblings and grab my bags, heading toward my dad's car. I feel overwhelmed—caught between high expectations and the thrill of independence. This is supposed to be my chance to experience life to the fullest.
For as long as I can remember, I've felt trapped in a cage, yearning for even a little freedom. But now, away from my parents' watchful eyes and rigid rules about who I should be, I am determined to find out who I truly am—or who I'm meant to be.
As I board the bus, I glance at my dad through the window. Suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore.
I've left all the rules behind, haven't I? I should feel happier to finally get away. But, as the Bible says: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
I'm realizing just how true that is. Unknowingly, I've built a wall so high that even I can't climb over it. Pretty ironic for someone who's been craving freedom.
