38. Meredith on Morphine vs SGH

AN: I think this was one of my very favourite chapters to write. It's hard enough getting into Meredith's head at times. But here, it was get into Meredith's head and then add a healthly serving of morphine to the mix and then you get 6k words of...well, you'll see...

"George!" Meredith called after her retreating roommate, her attention already having left that of her cut-off conversation with Derek's mother. "Bring ice chips when you come back!"

George didn't respond as he hastily left her sight, Derek's cell phone pressed up to his ear.

Meredith sighed and laid her head back against the thin hospital pillow. She had never before realized how boring it was to be a patient. The few times she had been treated as a child, she had been much more interested in the medical treatment than the injury, in an attempt to find something to talk about with her mother, some common knowledge so that she could find a topic of conversation. There had been more than one time that she had made more of a small injury in an attempt to be taken into her mother's hospital even. But now that she was a doctor herself, and her mother was a black hole who she still couldn't talk to about anything, Meredith wasn't awed by the treatment, medication, plan, follow up... She knew how x-rays worked; she even knew how to read them. She knew how to stitch separated skin together, what type and number of stitches to use, and how the analgesic worked. She knew what antibiotics were. Antipuiretics. NSAIDs. Anti-histamines. Immunosuppressants...

Meredith Grey was a doctor. She knew how the human body worked, and she knew how to treat and fix problems within it. So, really, as a grown up and a as doctor, the whole patient thing? Not nearly as interesting as it had once been.

The only other time in her adult life that she had found herself to be a patient outside the yearly check up, blood work, pap smear, prescription kind had been the brief stint of 'we need to make sure your internal organs are still intact' after she had been caught in the bomb blast several months earlier. And even then the poking, prodding and laying still for scans had been a big, numb blur of shock; one of which her memory was still foggy.

Now, she wasn't numb. She wasn't in shock. She wasn't vying for attention.

Meredith had all of her faculties. She had been left alone. And her final ability to communicate with the outside world – Derek's cell phone – had been taken away from her.

With an irritated huff, Meredith crossed her arms over her chest, her trigger finger pushing the magic button beneath its tip. The cool, smooth knob gave under her pressure with a slight click, and a welcome calm washed over her.

She could no longer hear George's nervous voice wafting in through her open door. She was still optimistic that he would return with ice chips, but wasn't putting all of her hopes and dreams into the thought. After all, ice chips were only ice chips. Cold, hard, tiny pieces of water.

She bit her lip thoughtfully. She was thirsty, but not allowed to drink before her surgery. It was bad for her recovery, she knew, but she did wonder why ice chips were okay. What made the small chips of solid water so special, so magical like her button? And, seriously, how does one make water, which is a liquid, into ice, which is a solid?

Ice was cold. But water could be cold too. Just not as cold. And there was something that changed...something about the placement of the molecules...something... She scrunched up her face, willing herself to remember. She knew the answer, she did. She was a doctor, and doctors should know things like how water turned into ice.

Water was very special, very different. It was the only compound that's volume increased with cold. Something about the molecules. Oxygen. Hydrogen. Another oxygen; two for every hydrogen, in fact. It was a stable molecule, so then how does it- the bonds. The bonds between the molecules did something...changed...at a certain point. Zero degrees centigrade. Thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit.

"Seriously." Meredith muttered to herself as she wondered why she knew when water did something, but not what it was that water did when it did it, or...something. Whatever. What was she thinking about again?

Water, right.

But...why?

Meredith blinked. Water was stupid. She couldn't even have any until after her surgery. Though, she really did want some ice chips.

Being a patient was boring. Her trigger finger reacted on instinct.

With a heavy sigh, she turned slightly to her side to stare at her doorway. George definitely wasn't coming back. Maybe someone else would come and visit her. Derek; she really wanted to see Derek. He was her...everything. Boyfriend. Friend. First love. Last love. Lover. Everything.

Her eyes pricked and she sniffed, suddenly at a loss for not having him with her. She was never bored when she was with him. He always knew what to do and say to make her feel better, happier, lighter, freer. He made her feel good about herself. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was someone to be proud of being, someone who could be loved; who deserved to be loved.

And he definitely loved her. There wasn't a doubt in her mind.

There also wasn't a doubt in her mind that she loved him. Or that they were going to make the whole long term, relationship, forever thing work. Or that they would get married. Or that they would start a family.

In fact, she was surprised to discover she had a lot fewer doubts in her life than ever before. She knew what she wanted to do, and she was doing it. She knew who she wanted to be with, and she was with him...and doing him too...

A series of sniggers escaped her lips. "Doing it, and doing him," she mumbled joyfully to herself. "It's a good life." She shook her head, wondering why no one was ever around when she was being funny. How would her friends ever know that she could be funny if they were never around when she made a joke?

With a nod, Meredith decided she would make more jokes, so that she could-

"Addison!" She screeched as she caught sight of a flash of red passing her door. "Doctor Montgomery!"

After a pause, Addison appeared in her doorway. "You bellowed, doctor Grey?" The older woman raised an eyebrow, masking a hint of a smile on her flawless face.

"Hi," Meredith responded, suddenly at a loss for what to say. She had reacted so quickly, in an admittedly desperate attempt at some social contact.

The corner of the redhead's lips twitched, before finally curling into an amused smile. "You certainly are, aren't you?"

What was she talking about? "I am not high," Meredith retorted. "I'm a doctor; a surgeon. I don't get high. It's against the rules."

Addison pursed her lips, her weight shifting from one leg to the other as she contemplated her response. "Of course," she finally agreed. "Good for you, for following the rules."

Meredith beamed at the praise. Addison was, after all, her boss. One of her bosses. Her boss's boss. One of her boss' bosses. Her...wait. Where was she going with this?

"So," Addison prompted, pulling Meredith from her train of thought completely. "I hear you're having an appy."

Meredith nodded. "Yup. Bailey and George are gonna do it. And I have faith in George, even though he almost killed the last guy he tried to appendect... appendecomize... appendectomectomy...ize..." She trailed off and shook her head. "Whatever. It'll be fine. Second time's the charm!"

"I think that's third time's the charm, Grey," Addison corrected, striding closer to the bed.

Meredith blinked. And then she blinked again. Third time. There was the one patient. And her. that was two. Not three. Three would be the next one. Not her. She was only number two. And that was...bad. Third time's the charm doesn't bode so well for number two.

Laughter exploded from her mouth once more. "Number two..." She murmured. "Addison," she said suddenly, remembering her earlier pledge to be funnier. "Guess what? Third time's the charm doesn't bode well for the second guy... Get it?"

Addison's lips pursed again. "How are you feeling?" She finally asked.

Meredith shrugged. "Fine. It's boring being a patient though. Not much to do. And George took my phone away...well, it was Derek's phone, but still. He took it away. And now I have no one to talk to. Derek got paged," she informed. "And my friends are working. And George took away my phone."

"Who were you calling? Letting your family know about your surgery?"

For a doctor, Addison wasn't so bright, Meredith thought to herself. She would, of course, never vocalize that, because it was rude, but seriously... "I don't have any family," Meredith reminded. Everyone knew that. "Just Derek and my friends. And my mother, but even without the Alzheimer's she wouldn't have cared."

"What about your father?"

"He has a new family," Meredith answered, very matter-of-fact. "He wouldn't care either."

"Oh... I'm sorry, Meredith. I thought that maybe after he was here that you would have..." She trailed off and shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Meredith waved her hand at the apology. "It's not your fault my mother was a dirty whore and had an affair with the Chief and 'broke' my father, as his shiny new wife says." She made large, gesturing air quotes.

Addison's carefully masked expression cracked for a moment, and when it returned, her smile was a bit forced. If Meredith had been sober, she would have recognized shock and confusion, as well as a hint of understanding. "So, uhm, who were you talking with then?"

"Jane," Meredith said with a shrug. "She's actually really- Hey!" She exclaimed with a sudden realization. "You and Derek were married!"

"We were," Addison responded with a cautious nod.

"Which means Jane was your mother-in-law. Did she make you call her Jane too? Or is it a test that I failed miserably at? Because I want the woman to like me, and I really don't want to start out on the wrong foot, because that would be bad. Can you imagine if I did or said something stupid now? I'd be hearing about it forever. She'd be, like, a hundred years old, and Derek and I would be at some family...thing, and she'd be all 'remember when Meredith called me Jane?' So, did she?"

Addison's expression broke again, and she sighed as she settled herself down into the chair by Meredith's bedside, her new expression both thoughtful and apprehensive. "It's not a test," she finally said. "She has everyone call her Jane, and...wait. Did you say start out?"

Meredith nodded. "Mmm-hmm. It was only, like, the second time we've ever spoken. And the first time was like a minute long, at Christmas, so it doesn't really count."

One perfectly manicured eyebrow raised. "Derek let you talk to her, in your condition, by yourself, for the second time?"

"Not exactly. He left his phone after he called her. See, we were supposed to fly out there tonight, at ten, which means we would have been leaving in, like, ten hours...though, with the time difference we wouldn't have to leave for thirteen... Anyway, the point is, we were supposed to go to New York this weekend so I could meet everyone. And we had to cancel last time because Denny died and Izzy was on the bathroom floor. And Derek was being weird today. He's really not explaining himself well, and he was creating so many misunderstandings. Maybe he was thrown off that Mark was here- Mark!" She exclaimed, turning a suddenly interested gaze towards Addison. "Did you know he was coming? Did he come here for you?"

"Grey, we really don't need to talk about-"

"Come on! I told you things."

With a heavy sigh, Addison sat back in her chair, her hands uncharacteristically fidgeting with her lab coat. "I didn't know he was coming. He said he missed me, but..." She shook her head and avoided Meredith's gaze.

Biting down on her lower lip, Meredith studied the older surgeon's expression. A faint line of concern creased her forehead. Her eyes were downcast, but holding a hint of the quality Meredith had once found trained on herself. And her mouth was set into a tense line. "You're glad he's here," she stated.

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you." Addison's hand raised on its own, her fingertips just brushing at her hair before she stopped its movement, as if reminding herself not to mess with her styled locks.

"Because I'm an intern? Or because I'm the bitch who took your husband away from you?"

Addison's lips curled into a playful smile. "Both."

Meredith scoffed, and returned the smile, though she wasn't sure why.

"You didn't take Derek away from me," she stated, honesty filling her voice. "He slowly took himself far away. And then I pushed him the rest of the way. You were just the next woman who...caught him."

Meredith bit back a laugh. "And Derek claims I have crappy metaphors."

"It wasn't crappy," she retorted, though her tone was light. "And it doesn't matter, because after the drugs wear off, you won't remember a word of this conversation, so really, I can say whatever I want." She smiled warmly at Meredith. "But, just for now, you're not a bitch, and I don't hate you, Meredith. I don't see you as the woman who took my husband. I see you as the woman who can make him as happy as he deserves..." She trailed off with a hint of sadness in her voice, but smiled warmly at Meredith.

Meredith smiled right back, still not understanding why she was doing so, but happy to be doing it. Smiling was fun. She should do it more often. "So, Mark?" She prompted.

"I had nothing to do with him showing up."

"But you're glad he's here now."

"I-" She was cut off by the beeping of her pager. "Saved by the bell," she murmured, standing. "Good luck with the surgery, Meredith. I'm sure everything will go well."

"Thanks, Addison. Good luck with Mark."

With a shake of her head, Addison turned to leave the room.

"Oh, and doctor Montgomery," Meredith called after her. "If you see George, will you remind him about my ice chips?"

000

With his emergency Burr holes successful, and his patient taken to the ICU, Derek had finished scrubbing his hands, and was just reaching for a few sheets of paper towel to dry them, when the door to the scrub room opened. He turned to recognize George, stepping hesitantly into the room, and his heart skipped a beat with sudden fear.

"Is Meredith okay?" He asked quickly.

"She's fine," George reassured quickly. "We're still waiting for an OR to clear up. But, um..."

Derek tossed the paper towel in the trash, trying to take a breath and cover for the fact that his heart had nearly doubled in pace for the brief moment panic that had set in. "What?"

George hesitated before reaching into his pocket. "Just as a warning, you're going to be in so much trouble after her surgery."

Derek furrowed his brow as he realized the younger man, his roommate, was biting back a smirk. "Why?" He asked cautiously.

George pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. Derek's cell phone. "You left this in her room."

"So?" Derek asked as he took the device.

"So, apparently she has decided that you are 'being weird and not explaining yourself well' today, so she took the liberty to make sure your, uh, mother understood the situation."

Derek paused. "She called my mother?"

George nodded, losing his battle to fight of the smirk.

"Okay. Okay, that's...okay. She just called to explain again. My mom knows what's going on, and that she's high. It's...okay." But everything in the younger man's expression told him it was far from okay.

"Yeah, but see, she's kind of in a chatty mood. In the time that I was in there alone, she told your mother about my first appendectomy patient, talked about Callie and the...naked peeing incident. And Olivia and the...syphilis..."

Derek had to bite back his own smirk at George's embarrassment. "Well, that's not too horrible, right?"

George made a noncommittal noise and averted his gaze.

"O'Malley?"

"I, uh..."

Derek sighed. "That's not all she talked about, is it?"

George cautiously met his gaze again. "No."

"What did she say?"

"Oh...I don't really..."

"George, for a moment forget I'm your boss. How bad is it?"

The long-threatening smirk finally broke free. "Bad."

"What did she say, exactly?"

"Well...she may have mentioned where you guys met...and how...and...you know, what happened after..."

Derek ran a hand through his hair. That was definitely not something he needed his mother to know. "Is that all?"

"I don't think so. I got the impression they were talking a long time."

"So, in other words, when she wakes up and realizes what she did, I'm dead meat."

George nodded. "Yup."

He sighed. "Well, thanks for getting the phone off her when you did. That's something at least."

George nodded, and then after slight hesitation, spoke again. "And, if we're still forgetting you're my boss, you totally owe me. She hit me twice when I took the phone off of her."

Derek cracked a smile. "That's my Meredith."

000

His emergency patient had been a victim of a collision, and his family had not yet been tracked down, leaving Derek with no reason to avoid returning to his girlfriend's hospital room. He could only hope that she was still happily high as a kite, completely amnestic to the phone conversation with his mother. And maybe, if Derek was lucky, she would wake up completely amnestic to her entire time on the morphine. His mother, he was sure could be bribed to never mention the conversation. And then...just maybe, Derek could be home free. He could pull this off; he just needed a sign.

His ex-wife leaving his girlfriend's room was not exactly the sign Derek was looking for. "Addison," he said suspiciously. "Were you just talking to Meredith?"

"Is that a problem?" She asked hotly, reacting to his tone.

"That depends on what you were saying to her," he retorted.

She took a breath, calming herself as she resisted the urge to offer her own retort. "She called me when I walked by, Derek. I wasn't going to ignore her."

Derek nodded, forcing his own tone to lighten. "What did she say?"

"Not much of anything. Or, rather, a lot, but didn't stick with anything for very long. Told me about George's first appendectomy. Asked whether she should really call your mother by her first name. Oh, and she told me my metaphors were crappy..."

Derek cracked a smile. "Don't take too much offence to that. She called me pathetic earlier."

Addison laughed. "Even on the morphine she's pretty observant."

He rolled his eyes good naturedly.

She smiled in response and paused for a moment. "I didn't know he was coming here," she finally said."

He met her gaze evenly and sighed. There was no need to ask who he was. "Why is he here?"

She hesitated, opening her mouth, but not making a sound.

"Is he here for you?"

"I... I don't know," she whispered. "I didn't know until you did this morning. And he...well, he's Mark," she finally offered. They both knew Mark Sloan tended to make spontaneous decisions. He wasn't well known to think very many of life's big decisions through. He had chosen his undergraduate university because it was where Derek was going. He had chosen to become a doctor because it was what the Shepherd kids were doing, and he had chosen his medical school for the climate. Plastics had been the first type of surgery he had scrubbed in on as an intern.

"Are you glad he's here?"

Addison met his eyes for several seconds before shrugging. Derek was disheartened to be so lost by the look in her eyes. Had there ever been a time where he would have been able to read this expression? Had he ever known her as well as he had thought, as well as he knew Meredith now, after only nine months?

"It's okay if you are," he offered.

She cocked her head. "Is it?"

He nodded, with only a hint of hesitation. "I'm happy. And I want for you to be happy too."

"That's awfully big of you."

He chuckled. "I'm growing."

She smiled. "I'm glad that you're happy, Derek." She motioned towards the room beside them. "She really is good for you. And she really loves you."

"You think so?"

She nodded. "I do, so don't screw this up, Derek. Don't hurt her."

He shook his head. "Never."

"Good. Anyway, I need to go check on my patient." She motioned towards her pager.

"I'll see you later. Oh, and Addison?" He called after her, and waited until she turned back towards him. "I meant what I said. If he makes you happy..."

She nodded. "Thanks, Derek, but I just...don't know yet."

He nodded and turned towards Meredith's door, only to be called back by Addison.

"Derek? She also mentioned something about ice chips. That may win you points for when she realizes you left her with your phone..."

"Is there anyone who doesn't know about that yet?" He grumbled.

000

After Addison left, Meredith hummed along to a tune in her head, that at one time she would have known the lyrics to, but now couldn't even place where it was from. It was so familiar... She really should know where it was from. A television show? Commercial? Product lyric? Something...

She sighed and cut herself off at the realization that maybe – just maybe – the morphine was beginning to cause mental symptoms. And she really hoped that the memory deficits were the only symptoms she would experience. She had seen patients on the drug exhibit euphoria, and extreme outgoingness and talkativeness. And that would be embarrassing, so she really hoped she was taken into surgery before any further symptoms set in.

"Hey," a welcome voice sounded from her doorway.

"You came back!" She called as her boyfriend approached her bed, one hand behind his back.

His lips twitched. "Of course I came back," he replied. "I love you far too much to stay away from you."

Meredith found herself beaming. "You really love me that much?"

He leaned down to kiss her. "Mer, I really do."

She sighed happily. "I love you that much too."

"Good to hear." He smiled warmly as he sat and pulled his hand from behind his back, holding out a small cup to her. "And I brought you something..."

With a questioning look, Meredith took the cup. "Ice chips!" She exclaimed as she caught sight of her present. "You do love me!"

Derek chuckled. "Ice chips say 'I love you'?"

She nodded emphatically, tipping the cup back to pour some ice into her dry mouth. "Mmm," she murmured. "Thanks, Derek."

"My pleasure."

With her free hand, Meredith reached towards him, grasping onto his shirt to pull him up and close. She pressed her lips solidly against his.

"What was that for?" He asked lightly when she pulled away.

She smiled at him and shrugged. "Because you're you. And you brought me ice chips. You're taking care of me, which I normally wouldn't like, but do right now..."

He smiled back before pecking her lips. "I like taking care of you," he replied tenderly, setting himself down on the side of her bed, facing her. "When you let me."

Meredith reached for his hand, entwining their fingers. "I like it to," she responded, breaking into a smile, "When I let you. You're like my knight in shining...whatever..."

He raised an eyebrow. "Your knight in shining whatever?"

She nodded. "Mmm-hmm," she confirmed, wondering why he wasn't getting it. "I can be funny," she told him harshly.

His eyebrow continued to be raised. "I never said you couldn't. And I wasn't aware knight in shining whatever was a joke..."

"It's not," she responded with exasperation. "It's the truth."

"But, I thought you just said-"

"Just because something is true doesn't mean it isn't funny, Derek."

A short breath, laced with laughter and amusement, escaped his lips. "I love you," he murmured.

Meredith felt her sternness dissipate immediately as her heart melted. "You're not supposed to be able to do that," she complained.

He smiled his patented McDreamy smile. "Do what?" He asked, his eyes twinkling.

"Just say three words and make me forget why I was mad at you. This isn't going to bode well for me in the future..."

He chuckled. "First of all, you weren't mad, just a little annoyed. And second, don't worry a bit about the future; you have just as much, if not more, power over me."

"Yeah?"

Derek nodded, before pressing his lips gently against hers for several seconds. "Yeah."

"Good. And I guess you're right. I wasn't really mad at you. It's just...you're being weird today, and I don't really know what to do about it."

Derek nodded, and if she had been sober, Meredith would have realized exactly how hard he had worked to keep a straight face. "I'm sorry. And I promise that after your surgery I'll be back to normal."

She cocked her head to the side, her heart suddenly going out to him. "You don't have to be worried, Derek," she offered, suddenly fearing that anxiety about her operation was what had affected his personality so drastically. "I'll be fine."

There was a short moment where he remained relatively expressionless and failed to respond. Then a warm smile broke out across his face and he leaned in to kiss her again. "I'm allowed to worry," he finally said, his voice light and playful. "I am your knight in shining whatever after all..."

"You do get it!"

He laughed and shifted on the bed, moving to sit beside her, so that they were facing the same direction, both leaning against the raised back of the bed. "I do," he agreed, wrapping an arm around her waist to hold her close. "And I get you, which is the perfect deal."

Meredith smiled at him as she reached her hand down to entwine her fingers with the ones resting along the edge of her abdomen. "Do you want to hear my other jokes?"

"I thought it wasn't a- Of course I do," he stammered.

She sent him a questioning look, but shrugged it off. "You know the saying, third time's the charm?"

He nodded.

"Well, third time's the charm doesn't bode well for the second guy..." She giggled. "And that's me!"

Derek furrowed his brow. "Okay..."

"Do you get it?"

He pursed his lips and hesitated before cautiously shaking his head. "Not exactly..." He began hesitantly. "What makes you the second guy?"

"Oh, right, you weren't there," she said in remembrance, shaking her head at herself, and missing the subtle sigh of relief he took. "George screwed up his first appy. And I'm his second attempt. The next guy will be fine."

His arm tightened around her. "Are you worried?"

She shook her head. "I already told you I wasn't," she reminded, hoping he would regain his normal persona by the time her surgery was over. "I have faith in George. And Bailey will be there..."

"Good." He pressed his lips against the side of her head. "I don't want you to be worried."

Meredith smiled. "Do you want to hear my other joke?"

"Okay..."

She smirked, hoping he would like this one more. "I know what I want to do, and I'm doing it. And I know who I want to be with, and I'm doing him... You," she corrected quickly. "Crap. I said it wrong. The point is, I'm doing it, and I'm doing you." She laughed. "Get it? It rhymes."

He shook his head. "It doesn't rhyme."

She rolled her eyes. "Play on words. Whatever."

Derek warm laughter filled the air around her, making her heart flutter. "I really do love you."

"I love you too." And she really did. With a sigh, she pressed her button and laid her head against Derek's strong shoulder. "I'm sorry we can't go to New York, Derek. I know you were looking forward to it. But this is taking way too long, and I don't think we'll be able to make the flight..."

He twisted and his free arm wrapped around her, closing her into a tight hug. "I've already cancelled the flight, Mer. And don't worry for a second. We'll make it eventually, and all that matters is when I finally do get to go, that you're there with me, okay?"

She nodded against him. "Okay."

His lips found purchase against her forehead, and after a moment she felt him smile. "See, it's just like you said: Third time's the charm. And it didn't bode well for the second time..."

"You really do get me," she murmured.

"Of course I do." A whuff of playful air escaped his lips. "I get you, and I get to do you..."

Meredith broke out in a torrent of giggles, and shoved playful at his chest.

He only tightened his hold on her, keeping her comfortably close.

"You know, if Bailey caught you on the bed with me, she'd probably yell at you."

"You are absolutely right, Doctor Grey," Bailey's very familiar voice sounded from the doorway. She glared at Derek. "You know this is inappropriate, Doctor Shepherd."

Derek sighed and released his hold on her, but didn't leave the bed, choosing instead to remain beside her, one arm draped around her waist. He turned his gaze to the resident approaching them. "I thought I wasn't a doctor right now? That I was in this room as a friend or family member?"

"Family member," Meredith cut in with a roll of her eyes. When was the man going to realize how much he meant to her?

"And you wouldn't yell at me if I was any other family member with any other patient." He emphasized the important term and tightened his arm around his girlfriend.

Bailey grumbled something low in her throat, and continued to glare at Derek, but even she couldn't prevent the corner of her lips from twitching in amusement.

"It's really okay, doctor Bailey," Meredith quickly said, suddenly feeling the need to explain for Derek again. "He's just sitting with me. We're not having sex. See," she motioned to her hospital gown and his scrubs. "We're still dressed and everything."

"I can see that, doctor Grey," Bailey said with an amused voice.

"It's not like the time you caught us having sex in Derek's car," she continued. "We don't even have sex in the hospital. Well, except for the one time at prom in the-" She was cut off when Derek's hand clamped over her mouth. She turned her head and fought to rid herself of it, but he was determined, moving easily with her movements.

Bailey cleared her throat. "Anyway, I just came to inform you that an OR should be cleared and ready within the hour. I'll send George in to prep you, okay? Do you have any questions?"

Meredith shook her head and smiled widely after Derek removed his hand.

Her resident narrowed her eyes. "What?"

"You're pretty."

With a huff, Miranda Bailey turned and left the room.

Meredith watched her go, saddened once more at the realization that this operation, though it was necessary, would mar her skin. "Derek, will you still think I'm pretty when I have a huge, ugly scar?"

He clucked his tongue. "It will be a small scar. And I'll think you're beautiful. Just like I do now."

"Really?"

"Absolutely." He slid off the bed and carefully shifted the blanket down and the bottom of her gown up to expose her abdomen. Meredith shivered as his fingers ran along the patch of skin that would, within the hour, be cut open. The roughness of the very tips of his fingers tickled her bare skin, running back and forth along a short, invisible line between her navel and hip bone. "There will be a tiny scar right about here," he murmured.

She nodded and slid her hand down to lie flat across the small expanse of skin. "It will take a while to heal."

He nodded. "There are lots of stages. And it'll take a while to blend in." He gently pried her hand away from herself and tipped himself down to kiss all around the skin in question. "And I'll be here to watch it heal," he reassured her. "And fifty year from now, it'll just be a faint line, barely noticeable. But I'll know it's there." He smiled so tenderly at her that tears formed in her eyes. "I want to know every inch of your body forever, Mer. I want to know every scar, freckle, indent...everything. Every little imperfection that makes you so beautiful and so perfect."

Meredith felt a single tear slip over her lower eyelid and trail down her cheek. How had she gotten so lucky? She had never felt half as beautiful before as she did when she was with him. "Okay," she mumbled, reaching for a fistful of his scrub top and pulling him close to hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck on their own accord as soon as he was close enough, and she buried her face in the crook of his neck, breathing in the familiar scent that was Derek. Her Derek. "I really, really love you," she murmured.

"I really, really love you too."

She sighed. "I want to meet your family, Derek. I want to go to New York with you, and meet everyone. And I really hope they like me, because I'm sure we'll be going a lot."

"A lot, huh?"

She nodded and pulled back far enough to meet his eyes. "I know how important they are to you, Derek. And even if I've never done the family holiday thing before, I know what it's all about. And I get that you'll want to spend some holidays there; like Christmas and Thanksgiving and stuff."

"Only if you're happy to come with me."

"But that's what I'm saying. I want to go with you. I want to learn how to do all the family stuff. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Derek," she told him, not sure where the sudden burst of confidence was coming from, but not about to let the opportunity pass. "I want to get married. And I want..." She swallowed hard, meeting his eyes head on. "I want to start a family with you."

A faint hiss filled the air as a rush of air escaped his lips. And suddenly her eyes weren't the only with tears in them. "You...you want to start a family?"

She nodded. "With you, I do, Derek. I never wanted to before because...well, you know why. But right now? Right now I can't think of a single reason why a kid who had you as a father wouldn't be the luckiest kid in the world. And having you as a husband would make me the luckiest woman in the world. And we'd be the luckiest family ever, Derek."

He pulled her against his chest again, burying his face in her hair and breathing deeply. "I really hope you mean this," he whispered, his voice throaty.

"Of course I do. What would make you think I didn't?"

His hand ran up and down along her spine. "I..." He sighed. "You are on morphine."

She shook her head against him. "Don't worry about that, Derek. I'm not feeling any effects." He pulled back to meet her eyes, and still didn't look convinced, so she continued. "Plus, I figured this stuff out yesterday."

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. "Really?"

She furrowed her brow and shot his an incredulous look. "What is wrong with you today? First you're all over the place, causing one misunderstanding after the other. And this is like the millionth time you haven't believed me. And-"

He cut her off with a deep kiss. "It's just hard to believe how happy I am sometimes," he admitted. "You make me so happy, Meredith."

"You make me happy too, Derek. So freaking happy. Even when you're being weird..."