Chapter 13 - How I Started Smoking Weed . . .

Here I am still batteling with my fiesty attitude. I seriously have no idea how my partner deals with me, sometimes I don't even know how to deal with myself. It's hard for me to explain myself to people who can't see my reason from my point of view. Lately I don't force anything, if I am not meant to have something then I am not meant to have it. I stopped beating myself up about my losses and strted seeing the light at the end of every tunnel, no mater how dark it may seem at the time. Of course I am tired of struggling, but I also know that it only makes me braver and stronger. I love the fact that I can give other people advice because of everything that I have been through. What's the saying? When days are dark, friends are few. I have seen that happen way too many times.

I remember how I thought that I would be a zooligist and a diesel machanic. Then a photographer and a make up artist. I had so many dreams, so many dreams that started seeming impossible to achieve the older I got. I struggled fining my feet, especially because I always eneded u in relationships that were no good for me, relationships that broke me down at the time instead of builing me. I don't think I have ever been more greatful to be alive than at this moment. So many times I was facing death straight in the eye. and all of that just because of he bad choices that I have made. So ultimately I was left to face the consiquences.

I don't know what the future holds, but atleast I know that nothing is ever going to stop me from achieving all of my dreams. I don't care how long it takes as long as I achieve everything that have ever wanted to. People say that if there is a will there is a way. And I will make a way for my dreams to come true. How does someone like me end up doing drugs you may ask. Well . . . for me it started out as just wanting to fit in, wanting to impress

my friends. I was the girl who constantly chilled with the guys so all I wanted was to fit in with them. I wanted to make all the girls jelous. I wanted to seem like the tough girl who is afraid of nothing. Especially not of some stupid drug. Now I don't know if I wasn't doing it right, but I never seemed to get high. or maybe it was just a weak grain that I was smoking.

Eventually when I was done with school, I started working at a well known salon as a nail technician. I had a lot of stress to deal with and what better way to help me get through all of it. I started smoking weed on a regular basis and this time it kicked in soild. I don't think that I was addicted to the drug, I think I was more addicted to the feeling of forgetting about all of my stress for a few hours and not worrying about what people think about me. As the years went by with me smoking on and off, the need became more frequent. There I was not just dealing with bad memories from my past but also dealing with a guy who claimed to love me and want the best for me.

Soon I found out that he was entertaining other girls as soon as I turned my back. As soon as I left to work my butt off to get enough money so that I am able to provide him with anything that he wanted. Look this guy had a good heart. . . only when it suited him. which was only when he wanted money from me. . .