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Warhammer 40K: I Don’t Want to Be a Tin Can!

This is a translation- Original Author: Night Tales by a Dim Lamp In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war. The Emperor walks among men, striving to restore the glory of the Imperium. Yet, the fate of humanity has long been toyed with by the malevolent Chaos Gods. In this tumultuous future, there is naught but endless darkness and warfare. That is, until the appearance of a Deathwatch Marine named Hades. As the threads of destiny intertwine, can this outsider change the tragic fate that awaits countless souls? The gods place their bets. Yet, Hades remains oblivious to all of this. At present, he's weeping like a snotling that's had its toe stepped on. "Emperor's mercy! Why am I in the Warhammer universe?!" "And why in Terra's name am I a Deathwatch Marine?!" "Is it too late to bash my head in and respawn?!" A comedic tale where a nerdy, unserious protagonist finds himself in the grimdark Warhammer world, oscillating between moments of sheer terror and bouts of uncontrollable sobbing.

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Chapter 94: Friend, Do You Believe?

In the narrow, dark corridor, only wide enough for Hades and the Sage Gell Jordan to pass through, the high, pointed ceiling disappeared into the shadows.

The scent of machine oil permeated the air, and the low hum of binary hymns echoed for what felt like an eternity.

Hades felt a dull ache in his head, the painful memories of being force-fed alcohol the previous night still fresh. The potency of the Fenrisian ale was undeniable, and he suspected that Logan Grimnar had added something extra to it. He even detected a hint of antifreeze.

In contrast to the serious demeanor of the Tech-Priest Jordan, Hades was more nonchalant.

Now, the Sage intended to introduce him to the tenets of the Machine Cult. Hades didn't care much; it was just a formality. But what if he didn't believe, and the Machine Spirit became displeased? He'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

Hades refocused, bringing his attention back to the present.

Ahead of him, the towering, curved mechanical spine of Sage Gell Jordan rose segment by segment.

Jordan dimmed the luminescence of his eyes. On his elongated primary limb, a lantern slowly illuminated.

The metallic walls reflected a faint glow.

"The tale of truth begins here," Jordan intoned.

"[The Emperor defeated the Dragon.]" The mechanical voice was sharp and clear. "This world was once a realm of chaos."

A sliver of light from beside the Sage danced wildly on the wall behind him, chaotic and disorderly, like corrupted code.

It was a representation of disorder, chaos, and a world without rhyme or reason.

Wisdom was absent, and life was barbaric.

"But then, the Omnissiah appeared."

"The Omnissiah decreed, 'Let there be truth.'"

A massive hand, constructed of gears and steel, emerged from the towering wall, scooping up the chaotic stream. The once turbulent waves became calm.

The hand moved, and a straight line appeared.

Amidst the chaotic scribbles of corrupted code, this line was stark and out of place.

Yet, it was so simple that it seemed divine.

"The Omnissiah decreed, 'Let there be logic.'"

The line extended, connecting with others, forming shapes and patterns. Was it a circuit?

It was vast. Hades could only see a fraction of the grand design.

"The Omnissiah decreed, 'Let there be knowledge.'"

Endless streams of binary replaced the previous image, representing infinite knowledge.

The Tech-Priests who journeyed through the cosmos would, upon their return, contribute their knowledge to this sacred place.

Initially, there were only a few records here.

But now, as Gell Jordan walked through this sanctuary, the knowledge seemed endless.

At the highest point within Hades's view, an abstract symbol of an eye gazed upon the knowledge brought by these explorers.

The Sage continued his leisurely walk, immersing himself in this ocean of knowledge.

Binary data engulfed them.

When the coast finally appeared in the distance, Jordan's calm voice resonated once more.

"The Omnissiah bestowed intellect upon all."

"Those with intellect ushered in their golden age."

Planets appeared, and countless ships ventured into the unknown.

It was humanity's golden era.

Gold intertwined with the metallic walls, depicting the wonders of a race.

Humans wielded the power of technology. What was once the domain of gods in ancient myths was now easily achievable by any man.

They could terraform planets, harness the energy of stars, and even manipulate time, altering cause and effect.

Humanity thrived.

"But then, darkness descended."

Darkness engulfed everything.

Betrayal.

Humans were betrayed by their own creations.

On the pitch-black wall, crimson paint told of an era's sorrow.

Wars, unimaginable in scale, erupted. Countless technologies were lost, vast knowledge burned, and wisdom accumulated over generations was reduced to ashes.

The spark of knowledge was extinguished.

Even now, humanity remained in ignorant darkness.

"But in this age of darkness, the Cult Mechanicus remained steadfast in the teachings of the Omnissiah."

"[The Emperor imprisoned the Dragon beneath the vaults of Mars.]"

"The Omnissiah whispered to them, urging the Tech-Priests to reclaim the truths scattered across the cosmos."

"[In the dreams of the Dragon, the first Tech-Priests emerged.]"

"And so, the Tech-Priests embarked on their quest."

Countless Tech-Priests set sail, desperately reaching out to grasp the fleeting fragments of knowledge.

Many were consumed by their quest, never to be heard from again.

"But the Omnissiah watched over them. Their devotion moved the Machine God."

"And the Omnissiah had already provided the answer to his faithful."

"When rain falls on Mars, it will be the time of salvation."

Dark clouds gathered at the edge of the wall.

Rain began to pour.

"On that day, the Omnissiah sent his representative to walk among us."

The Emperor, clad in golden armor, stood amidst the torrential rain, arms outstretched, receiving the adoration of the crimson-robed Tech-Priests.

"[The Emperor commanded Magnus to bring rain to Mars.]"

"The true representative of the Machine God's wisdom, the Omnissiah, walked the earth once more!"

"[In fervent faith, the Imperium and Mars signed the Treaty of Olympus.]" "[With the Mechanicum of Mars joining, the final piece of the Imperium's industrial puzzle was set.]" "[The Great Crusade began.]"

"Under the guidance of the Omnissiah, the Tech-Priests will rediscover the truths of this world!"

Sage Gell Jordan's voice grew passionate, and unstable currents flickered in his eyes.

"Praise the Machine God, praise the Omnissiah!"

A blinding white light appeared, revealing the exit of the narrow corridor.

A magnificent dome, adorned with countless geometric designs, greeted them. Handsome servitors, their frontal lobes surgically removed, sang praises. On their crimson robes, intricate gold patterns depicted the glory of the Omnissiah.

Rune-priests lit incense, a blend of nanomachines and special fragrances.

As he preached the greatness of the doctrine to the naive, Gell Jordan felt a surge of emotion, his few organic parts pulsating with fervor.

"Praise the Machine God, praise the Omnissiah!"

"We are led out of the fog of ignorance by the Omnissiah, and we must become His disciples!"

The Sage lowered his towering head, the sincere light illuminating his electronic eyes.

He extended his two most human-like limbs, grasping Hades's hands.

"Repeat after me, 'Praise the Machine God, praise the Omnissiah.'"

"Enter His holy temple, His warrior."

Hades looked at Sage Gell Jordan in disbelief.

"[This is an elaborate deception.]" "[A grand lie has replaced the truth.]" "[Those who know the truth can never speak it.]"

And so, he recited, "Praise the Machine God, praise the Omnissiah."

Hades murmured.

The hymns continued, the lobotomized servitors singing of His greatness.

Praise the Omnissiah!