Comical Death

Death is underwhelming. We spend our whole lives dreading death but the truth is we don't dread death, we dread thinking about what the people around you will go through without you being alive.

Most people think that when you die, the darkness swallows you up and you get to descend into peaceful state for the rest of time, but the truth is so much more underwhelming.

These were the thoughts of Carter as he floated through never-ending darkness... or at least he thought he was floating. He had no point of measurement. He realized he was consciously thinking some time ago though he was not sure how much time. He had no perception of time nor space, he was just... there.

He was thinking back on how he died when suddenly he was in a room. The first thing he realized was that he could feel his body. Then suddenly he felt the room shake and a light-pitched male's voice could be heard.

" TESTING! TESTING!"

The first two words reverberated throughout the room as Carter's eardrums nearly ruptured.

" Oops sorry, how's that?"

Carter shook his head slightly as he tried to subdue the sudden headache. ' What the hell?' he thought as he tried to process what was happening. ' It's alright Carter, it's just god testing his mic.'

"Hmmmm, let's see... Carter Orvin... died at age 57... had 2 children with your wife Lily Orvin... Each child had 2 children of their own so that makes 4 grandchildren... not bad, not bad at all."

The voices tone at the end sounded almost approving. ' Why the hell would he approve of me having 4 grandchildren?' While Carter's mind was in turmoil trying to understand what was going on, the voice continued.

" Cause of death... let's see here... "

There was a long pause after those words reverberated through the room then the voice spoke again.

" Holy Shit! I've experienced a lot of things throughout my life but never have I come across someone dying like this. You got jumped by a gang of squirrels, had a heart attack and died?!?"

For a moment Carter was drawn into a daze, then his expression became sour. He remembered now. He went for a walk and came upon a tree with a football stuck on a lower branch. He thought he would do a good deed for the first time in years, but when he went to get the ball, a squirrel came hurling down from the top-most branch. At first this surprised him but his instincts kicked in from when he was playing dodge ball with his kids in the backyard when they were younger. Getting hit in the face with a dodgeball hurt!

'Thud!'

He was annoyed by the sneak attack by the squirrel so before it could get up, he punted the poor creature approximately 20 yards into a nearby pond.

'Screeeeeeeaaaaaa, Splash!'

Carter observed this scene with with a slight smirk before turning toward the tree once more, but as soon as he faced the tree he felt a weight like a small beanbag was dropped on his head. Soon immediately after another, and another. Before Carter could even look up to see what was falling on his head, he had felt 7 beanbags on his head. He looked up in annoyance and what he saw terrified him!

' Screeeeeaaaaaa!'

Carter stared in terror as over 20 squirrels plummeted down towards him. before he knew what happened, darkness had embraced him.

.......

"Dude that's hilarious! Just for brightening my day a little, I'll give you a choice of which world you'll be reincarnated into as well as give a little gift that'll help you along."

Carter's interest was piqued at these words as his sour expression turned into a curious one.

" Who are you?"

Carter decided to speak for the first time as he wanted to know a little more about his current situation. He stared at the ceiling of the white cube-shaped room expecting a response, and one came shortly after as well as some extra information.

"You may call me Audi and I'm here to assign you to your new world as well as other things, but that is not necessary information at the moment. You just need to know that today I'm feeling nice and am giving you a choice. Now let's get started."

In the next moment, man appeared in the white room with Carter. This man was about 6 feet tall with a thin build. He had sharp features with long, curly black hair that flowed down to his shoulders. His eyes were bright orange with a mischievous light to them. He was wearing a luxurious scarlet robes that looked to be extremely expensive. The man had an amused look as he glanced towards Carter's torso and looking up again, a slight smirk appearing on his lips before it deepened into an all-out grin.

"Nice cock."

Confusion, then surprise, then realization, then horror passed across Carter's face as he realized for the first time since arriving in the white room that he was bare naked. His hands shot towards his crotch as he tried to cover it from view with his hands.