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The Rise of a Star

Auteur: avron
Fantastique
Actuel · 26.6K Affichage
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    SOUTIEN
Synopsis

In a world pulsating with magic and teeming with monsters, Amir has always felt like an outsider. Born without the ability to wield mana, he’s spent his life dreaming of soaring among the stars and earning the love and respect of the very world that has often discarded him. But everything changes during an unexpected encounter with the mysterious World Spirit, who grants him the power to use magic—and an urgent mission: unite the 5 Races, or risk annihilation at the hands of an unseen enemy. With the clock ticking and the threat of impending doom looming larger every day. He must navigate a landscape divided by ancient rivalries and prejudice or they all Die! Disclaimer* The Mc will not be a soft heart person and will end up having to fight, kill and con his way through everything. The path he takes could be either demon or saint. He trying to unite the world and he will have to get his hands bloody.

Étiquettes
10 étiquettes
Chapter 1Starry Night

Laying on the ground on a starry night, a young black boy with pale skin and a frail body was looking up at the Sky in a forest. His legs were broken and twisted in weird angles. He lamented everything that brought him to this point.

"So, I guess this is how I die."

He was doing his best to stay still as he no longer wished to feel the pain of trying to move again with his injuries. He knew it was only a matter of time before the beast came to eat him. Shivers ran down his spine as he thought about what was to come.

Pushing the thoughts away he continued to look at the stars shimmering in the sky as a thin smile broke across his face.

"The stars look beautiful tonight."

His smile turned crooked as tears flowed down his face. He helplessly cried as his blood slowly poured onto the dirt, turning it a vivid shade of crimson.

"What's the deal?"

He reached up, towards the brightening sky, holding out his hand.

"Why can't I be one of those shining people? Is a lonely death in the woods after everything I suffered truly all I'm good for!"

A mix of rage and sorrow was all he felt. The world had rejected him and now this was the day he would die. He felt that everything could have been different if he had been born with talent.

Nothing in this world can be gained without power or talent; he was born with neither.

 

A doglike creature with blood-red eyes and dripping drool from its lips slowly crept toward the boy. Grinning viciously, it was massive and looked like something dragged up from hell.

"Shit! It's here."

Noticing the beast Amir felt fear, unlike anything he had felt before. The thought of being eaten left him petrified, unable to even scream. 

Spotting a chunk of meat, it pounced, opening its jaws wide to grab it, and then closing them with tremendous force.

Landing in a small puddle of blood the beast looked confused stumbling.

Its meal had just disappeared!

***

In a dark void Amir floated, He felt no more intense pain from his broken legs. He felt nothing nor could he see anything. Extremely bewildered he tried to move but even his movements felt weird. It was as though nothing felt solid but at the same time stable.

"Wh…where am I?"

Trying to assess what was happening but still couldn't grasp what was happening or where he was.

"Am I dead? That magic beast was about to eat me."

Recalling that he was about to be that thing's food sent shivers down his spine as he felt like throwing up.

"You seem quite alive to me."

Surprised by the sudden voice he tried to look where it came from but to no avail as he still couldn't see.

"Don't be surprised, I chose to save you because you've piqued my interest." 

Amir weirdly started to feel calm after hearing what she said. Nothing about his current circumstance was frightening to him anymore.

"Who are you?" 

A brief pause ensued after Amir's question.

"Well throughout my life I've been many things. I've been a child, a god, and even a spirit but I think the most fitting thing I would be is your mother I suppose."

Amir remained silent as he tried to process what he had just heard. He truly couldn't believe what he just heard.

"That's the craziest load of crap I've ever heard someone say in my life but I'd believe I've met God any day of the week before you being my mother." 

The entity slightly chuckled as the world of darkness started to brighten with a luminescent white light. Amir started to feel his vision returning to him as his surroundings brightened.

After a few seconds, his vision completely returned what met his eyes was a woman with long, wavy blue hair peering down at me. Her eyes were strange, almost like circles slowly encircling her pupils. Her skin was flawless, and her physique was perfectly proportioned. 

In the eyes of the Amir, she was the most stunningly gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She had a glow to her that drew you in. Completely lost for words he just stared at her mesmerized.

"Little one, have you composed yourself now?"

Regaining his composure Amir felt his intense attraction to her fade suddenly. Still not taking away from her beauty.

"Are you truly god?" He asked

Amir now felt that her previous words could be true after everything he had just experienced. 

"I was a god, though I no longer hold the title of a divine but what I am now isn't easily defined but I guess you could say I'm more of a spirit than anything."  She said

Amir felt as though everything that was happening to him was insane and he should already be dead but couldn't seem to be surprised or scared of what was happening.

"Why am I here right now? I'm sure I was supposed to be dead right now."

smiling as she floated in the white void. She came closer to him.

"I've called for you because you're one of my picks. A person that will help me save this world and everyone in it.

He was confused not fully understanding what was going on.

"You're what? What do you mean?" He asked

"Never mind that right now, what's important is if you want to be stronger. If this is what you desire, I could help you get that power"

Everything she said struck him like a bolt of lightning before his shock faded.

"How could you possibly do that? It doesn't make any sense."

Amir just couldn't believe that getting power was possible. It just couldn't be, after all, he was a cripple that couldn't even do basic things.

So, with a teasing grin on her face, she said "Well, I'll give you the ability to use mana."

Amir was shocked but it didn't seem to fade as his whole world felt like it rattled. His entire life he wanted nothing more than the ability to use mana like everyone else in his world but was born a cripple, someone who couldn't use or feel mana.

In the eyes of everyone in his life, he was less than human and not even comparable to a beast that could use mana. He was more like an insect to them.

"I don't know who told you that you were funny, but your jokes aren't funny." He said with a scornful look

Sighing the entity expected such a drastic reaction even after dampening his emotional state. She didn't like when she had to constantly reassure someone even after showing them things that defied logic.

"Well yes I can give you the body to use mana, but it would come at a price, not like your legs that I healed free of charge."

Looking at his legs Amir realized that they were completely healed and even felt more robust than before. which was surprising remembering that they were like pieces of broken branches before.

He was in front of someone that could do such incredible things. Questioning whether or not she could do it now seemed foolish. now nothing but a sense of anticipation swelled in him.

"What do you want from me?"

His eyes which were filled with despair not too long ago are now filled with hope.

Pleased by his excitement she smiled slightly.

"Simply, I want you to become my chosen, grow powerful, and in the future, I need you to unite or take over the world.

There was nothing but silence after hearing what she said. Amir's face was dumbstruck as he couldn't say anything or even move for a few seconds.

"That's it?"

Nodding her head with a satisfied smile she answered.

"Yes thats it."

Looking her in the eye Amir couldn't believe the look of satisfaction on her face after the load of bullshit she just told him. 

"You sure you don't have a few screws loose lady?"

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audimat

  • Tarif global
  • Qualité de l’écriture
  • Mise à jour de la stabilité
  • Développement de l’histoire
  • Conception des personnages
  • Contexte mondial
Critiques
Aimé
Nouveau
SaithKalen
SaithKalenLv14

First of all, I like your writing style. Your English is very fluent, which I find professional and at the same time popular with the masses. It has the same vibe as those books that are published as physical copies. The only problem is that, when writing the dialogue parts, it became confusing, especially on the latter chapters. It is an important part in writing narrative stories to put a dialogue tag to make it easier for the reader to know who was speaking. Although I advice not to put it on every dialogue. I can't give a perfect score for updating stability because this was just a newly published book that is free to read so we, the readers, don't have the right to obligate the author to update regularly. I, myself, am an author so I can relate to you in this regard. I gave three stars for the story development for the same reason. This was just the beginning and you only have a few prepared chapters, but despite that, there were already some developments in the timeline, although they weren't that big. A key development was already provided, which is why it's got a three-star rating. What I commend the most in your story is how you build your character. It was just the beginning but there are many important details about the character and how he might have grown as the story developed further. Lastly, the way you built the world background was fascinating, in my opinion. You didn't give everything in one go but it didn't lack details either. Just enough information about the world was provided that gives the basic details and also provides bait for the readers to read more to know the world more. Maybe the little problem is how you narrated it so others might find it confusing. Overall, this book is good. It has a nice touch, although not unique in terms of genre or the chosen trope but it's own way of interpretation, so its better. And it'll be greater if the author is able to maintain the mentioned advantages and apply the disadvantages I have provided. Just be consistent in your chosen writing styles and follow through on your story plot. Good job!

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