The Proposal Series

BOOK ONE: The Way Out

It’s an amazing thing what pain and torment can do to a person. The pain of what you’ve endured can be so excruciating, so unbearable, that you allow your mind to enter a dream-like state. In this dream-state, you allow all your hurt, all your anguish… to disappear. You push the pain so far away from your physical body that it no longer exists. You create a life where your past has no meaning, and no say, in what you do. You build walls for safety, and you allow yourself to pretend that no part of you is damaged.

That is exactly what Sara had done. She hadn't realized it had already been a year. An entire year away, alone, far from Tom. It felt like a century ago that he had her, his hands on her, all over her.

Sara remembered a time when all she had wanted was his hands on her. Now, the thought of such a thing repulsed her – sent shivers down her spine. She hated herself for feeling anything for him at all. But… Tom had saved her, from a different kind of pain. For a while, he was her white knight, dressed in armor. It was too late when she came to the realization that he was simply the boy in tin foil. Yet, it wasn’t all bad and she had to admit that.

Tom introduced her to a world where pain was part of pleasure, the two intertwined, inseparable. That world became her world, and for a time she liked it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before all he left her with was pain. Singular, excruciating pain.

Sara caught the distasteful gaze of her professor out of the corner of her eye. When she turned her head to acknowledge his nonverbal communication, his eyes turned dark. He had a look about him that said, ‘Either you wake yourself up, or you walk yourself out of this class”.

Sara decided to walk out. She packed up her bag and gracefully walked down the long aisle between the rows of seats. She gently pushed open the lecture hall door and let herself out. She hadn’t intended to fall asleep during the lecture, but lately, she hadn’t been sleeping well. She often had nightmares or night terrors that consumed her, and regretfully, they usually included aspects of the dark fantasies that were buried within her.

The air felt calm, the sun was still out in the sky, and the clouds were airy. It was a beautiful spring evening in April. As she continued her walk past the University buildings and onto the nearby streets, she thought about her recent move to the city, and how beautiful the location of her new apartment had turned out to be. Her choice to relocate to Toronto was more of a coin toss than an actual desire to live in this particular city.

Escaping her problems had become the only way to ensure her safety, and Toronto seemed just as good a choice as any.

She remembered hearing a few of her high school classmates discussing how a person could literally walk from one end of the city to another, with so many restaurants, shops, and boutiques to discover.

As she walked, reminiscing about better times, Sara retrieved her phone from her purse. She caught her breath in surprise when she saw the time and realized how long she’d actually been in class. It was nearly 5:00 pm and class would be ending in half an hour anyway. Any presence of guilt she might have had about leaving class now vanished. She wasn’t the type to ditch lecture or to endanger her grades. Sara was much too poised to take those kinds of risks.

Her appointment with Toronto’s most successful lawyer was scheduled for 6:30 pm. Having escaped into her dream-state for the past year, she knew that this appointment was long over-due.

Sara had been so caught up in the notion of wanting to be free that she hadn’t realized how very much in chains she really was.

In hopes of moving on without ramifications, Sara had wrongfully convinced herself that a new life was possible by simply moving away.

Unfortunately, a new life wasn’t in the cards for Sara so easily. She could run, and she could hide, but he would always find her.

As the months after her move rolled on, the threats and missed calls had become more frequent, and more terrifying.

Eventually, something triggered Sara to wake up from her trance and finally deal with the problems she had been dealt in life. The only problem was… it may now be too late.

Sara looked up at her five-story, low rise building. She loved that it was only ten minutes from the University of Toronto campus so that she could walk to and from class, and her job at the local library down the street.

She walked up the flights of stairs and took out her key as she approached her apartment door. Before she even had a chance to bring the key to the lock, Bonnie yanked the door wide open.

“BOO! I saw you walking up the stairs. Doesn’t your class finish in half an hour? What are you doing home?” Bonnie said.

Sara smiled and sighed. “I fell asleep in my creative writing class. Sanders shot me the evil eye, and instead of staying and having him glare at me all evening, I decided to leave. I have that appointment at 6:30 pm tonight… and I figured I should get some rest before I am eye-to-eye with the man that will have my life in his hands.” She responded.

Sara loved Bonnie. Bonnie was her best friend, but also in many ways, quite motherly. She was protective, but she was also kind.

Sara always thought that Bonnie felt it necessary to adopt the role of a concerned friend, especially after what Sara had been through.

“I asked a few people I know about him. From what I hear, he’s the real deal. But… I’ve also been told that he expects a lot in return. Apparently, he has a God complex. Why did you choose him out of all the reputable lawyers in the city? Aren’t there over a hundred other lawyers you could meet with?” Bonnie said.

“Sure… but most lawyers play by the book, Bonnie. I don’t think playing by the book is going to provide me with the kind of solution I need. This is the only lawyer I’ve ever heard of that may be able to offer me something that will actually help.” Sara countered.

Bonnie had a look of sympathy on her face. “Sara, I know you dislike talking about the past, and I am doing my best to respect that. But it may be helpful for you to talk to someone… about what you hope to arrange with this lawyer. The last time you spoke to Tom… it seemed as if he was on the right track to figuring out where we are… where you are” She said concerningly.

“Yes… he figured out that we’re somewhere in the Greater Toronto Area. I have a plan Bonnie… you just have to trust me okay?” Sara said with a hint of urgency in her voice.