What Love Is to Me

Love is stupid. It's a useless, worthless thing our human minds have created to comfort us. But love is a temporary pleasure. It soothes for a while, but as it builds up, it ends up being more of a curse than a fleeting feeling of being in paradise.

You won't understand if you're currently in love. If you are, you're probably trying to find ways to contradict me. Try all you want, you'll know I'm right when you feel heartbreak, when the blinding cloth called "Love" is removed from your eyes.

I thought what I had for Adrien was love. But all that changed when he switched his personality. I stopped loving him when he wasn't so perfect anymore.

Not only had I stopped loving him…

I started hating him.

I was in my room on the ground floor of the house and my hands were itching with an anger that was all too familiar to me. The same anger that bubbled up whenever Saye took advantage of me.

All those times, I had vented out my anger by crying in a corner.

But now, the entire country wanted me to do this to him.

And so I will. I'll kill Adrien. And I'll use Kai and Romeo and Ethan and Luca and Kang Jae-suk all I want to make it happen.

They were unwanted folders anyway.

I scoffed and looked up at the ceiling, falling back to flop down on my bed. What have you turned me into, world?

"You're my bigger sister number two, Ashe!" I shut my eyes close and curled my hands into a tight fist. Rumi was attacking my thoughts again. I might not see her again. They say most patients with ALS survive for a maximum of five years…Rumi's time was slowly coming to a close.

A pain exploded in my heart. I felt tears streak down my cheeks and fall from my cheeks. "No…Rumi…I'm sorry. Big sis Ashe is sorry, Rumi," I choked out loud.

Knock.

Knock.

I looked up at my closed bedroom door and hastily sat up, wiping my salty tears away and dabbed it dry with the sleeves of my shirt.

"Who's there?"

"It's me. Kai. I was wondering if you were okay."

My shoulders tensed as I heard him say that. Had he heard me crying? No way.

"What do you mean? Of course I'm okay," I lied from the other side of the door. I heard a slight thump on the door and I knew Kai was leaning on the door now, his forehead resting on it.

"You've been in there for 2 hours."

"I was sleeping."

He didn't say anything. Just sighed, and I thought he might go away, leaving me alone. I stared at the door, wondering why Kai was in front of my door anyway.

"I-" I started to apologize before his muffled voice interrupted me.

"Can I come in?"