Woman

Closing her eyes, she let the dull ache of not having him for herself wash over her, a little bit of pain tugged at her heart. What she felt was special.

She might believe she was invincible and put on a harsh front, but underneath anything else she was all woman. Tough on the outside to hide her defenseless inside, like one of those hard-candy covered chocolates. She remembered something her best friend used to say

"Everytime we say No, we are afraid to say yes"

It hadn't made any sense at that time but today things were different and it dawned on her that she was in a dilemma, should she shoot her shot at the nameless neighbour who me she had fallen for since the first time she set his eyes on him. It was love at first sight and she did not want to blow it.

She had spent the last one week with her code of conduct pounded in her head but that wasn't going to help her win him.

Toughts thronged her head, it was like she was in an active field of fire, pure combat. Deep inside her was a civil war.

The thing about love at first sight is that you don't have to look twice. She had landed her eyes on him and that was that, fate was sealed.

***

I came home and found a note under my door mat where I kept my keys. I was not in a good space to articulate rational thoughts. I was still reeling from the last incident with Charlotte.

***

These emotions have gotten complicated, I can't find the right word in the English language to use. What is the word that describes my feeling jow, part fear, because of Val, part anger, part lust, part sadness, but most remarkably I was feeling strangely excited for what was to come.

One week since Val called to day she had a patient and that was that. The last bit of that conversation. Right now my mind is disoriented and is like a rubbish bin with no apparent order. I miss her terribly and I shake when I think of her. I have tried to call her hit her line does not go through. Or I'm I blocked?

Strange

..

..

***

"Six in the evening with the glow of the sunset on your face is a good idea to end the day, don't make beg, please." I raised my hands to surrender without a word, only because I wasn't in any mood to argue, I was too beat from my usual work out. And getting out of this lonely dark apartment is a major gateway from my sombre moods. She led the way, I followed like a thirsty student with a curiosity for knowledge following his master.

" No doubt you have all this planned out, how we end the day?" I shot a glare in her direction but she melted my soul with her smile.

"Why so many questions, relax, is not like I have abducted you and going to sell you to the sex slaves, just chill" she said winking. This girl!

My life started as an apocalypse. It ended before it started. I have probably died many times before my death. But somehow in this weird life, a nuisance of a neighbour, classically beautiful with her exotic breeds of cultures, brown hypnotic eyes and a killer smile, I would give an arm and leg just so she smiles for me. It's pure greatness compressed in a smile. Her simple smiles define greatness because simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. She turned on the lights in my life in a way I hadn't expected, a good friend but my medulla states otherwise. My subconscious reminds me that I'm falling hard for this weird nuisance but good lady. A lady for my soul.

Maybe what I feel sounds too poetic to be realistic, sounds too good to be true? Well that's because I already said my life ended before it started, before I knew i was even living in the first place.

Sayong it's doomed is just the crust of what is really my life. I have missed chances with the girl I thought I would share a home with, someone who we used to share our secrets, hopes and dreams.

Amid setbacks in love, I'm still breathing...

"Snap out of it" Charlotte turned my head.

"What was that you were saying about that island or something?" she had mentioned a lake that has an island that has another lake with another island, it sounded more of a lie than fiction. Maybe I heard wrong.

"So my dad said we would visit that island this December, you sure you can't tag along? It will be fun plus you have me."

What is this girl doing to me with her smiles and questions I have no processed answers for? I felt my breath hot. She was innocently killing me. But I loved the pain, she made me sweat in places no one can see.

Her phone rang and I was grateful because I had been pulled out of a dream, my fantasies were growing wilder by the minute. My thoughts jumped from friends to being parents to our kids.

I look at the way her lips curved, the way she pulls her legs to her chest and laugh at every joke I throw at her. Most remarkable thing about her is that she helps me fill my crosswords, she helps me find the right words to tell her. She is a friend but to me, we were practically soul mates.

I know I sound ridiculous because I have Val but the heart want what it wants, I don't have to feel bad about anything that I feel. I'm allowed to feel whatever I want and I could give no shit about anyone trying to make an opinion about how I feel.

"No matter how dark you think your life is, trust me it won't get any better, put your shit together and move on regardless." That one hit different and I nodded and she patted my back. I was always glad to have brutally honest people like her in my life. Her words normally affect me and anything she says I have to look at differently. Because her witty thought snaps me to to reality.

I just hope she knows that I'm madly falling in love without any apparent reason. I know my heart wants her and granting my heart this wish would let me die in peace. She is all I need. I want to tell her how I want her to be in my life, tell her how I can't sleep well at night because I have nightmares when I don't see her. I don't know if what I will say will affect her as much as her words affect me.

"Before we go, I have to say something" I cleared my throat and locked my eyes into hers and let me intimidate me with the hypnotizing effect, drowning till I heard myself saying,

" Will you go on a date with me on Friday?" I felt my knees go weak and beads of sweat forming on my forehead, my thoughts wild.

"I'd love to go on a date with you" she hugged the he'll out of me, "I was just wondering what took you so long" smiling badly at her she hugged me again. I wasn't sure if this date night thing will give me time to process what I was going to say to her. I had written and rehearsed speeches praising her.

But I was still not ready to say anything.

"It was nice to have you strange neighbour. I'm glad you showed up tonight." She said and disappeared behind her wooden door. Her charms were coursing through my veins.

She is a different kind of new.