webnovel

System for Dummies

Prince Edward Nigel of Isle Secularis, or P. Enis as his friends called him, had everything. Until one day he lost everything. Saved by the THE-ALPHA-OMEGA-SUPER-ULTRA-DELUXE-FINAL-BEST-EVER-ABSOLUTE-APEX-NEW-FANTASTIC-LOVELY-AWESOME-WONDERFUL-FEROCIOUS-TASTY-DEVILISH-Nano-MACRO-GODDISH-REDDISH-YELLOWISH-GREENISH SYSTEM FOR DUMMIES, or in short, AOSUDFBEAANFLAWFTDNMGRYG-System for Dummies he became strong again. Join him as he rises up again, punishes all his bullies, gets a harem and finds every treasure.” Novel contains: Insults to the reader's intelligence, irony, sarcasm. Novel does not contain: Good Synopsis. Notable achievements: Reached 69 collections on the 69th chapter

Fearmongering · Fantaisie
Pas assez d’évaluations
108 Chs

The author has run out of topics to make fun off therefore please enjoy another round of strange reviews other authors got, cuz aint nobody was leaving comments or reviews under my story.

Well, the dream from the last chapter was certainly weird and not at all the result of getting no attention from this feature. No, I was not mad about the fact that apparently, no one decided to click on my story.

Me giving each and every one the middle finger treatment was just a way to show my appreciation. Flipping others off was a cultural thing to show how much you valued them as a person.

And at this moment I loved you guys so very, very much.

I liked my readers for not leaving any comments for not reading more than one chapter. If that was not true love, we would literally die for each other...I would appreciate it if you guys did just that.

But enough of the wishful thinking─let us come together and listen to the weird, new reviews I got from fellow authors. They just so happened to give me those during the last dream, I swear. They were totally not sent to me over the WN writer server.

XimenoideX sent me a review from some crazy chick, who got NTR'd by her dear husband and was now searching for some effective voodoo love spell caster to get her Ex back.

I never thought I would read that kind of noun combination in my entire life but here we were...

Well, apparently and don't ask any questions about the sanity of the person, who left that kind of review under a romance story. She claimed to be very sane and not someone to believe in such strange spells.

Yes, because that is what very normal people do. But anyways, she as the smart person she was, put her phone number and her email address on the review as well...because clearly, that was the most logical thing to do.

For some reason, a priest called Wisdom helped her conduct some magical ritual, which involved sniffing a crap ton of cocaine and other fancy herbs. Ya know, all that magical stuff.

You must know the dude calling himself Priest Wisdom was a very talented, gifted and dedicated person and not a homeless lunatic high on bath salts, screaming at people all day long. Her coworker told our Sane person that, so it had to be true.

Either way, the relationship was in danger. This reviewer did not want to be divorced for the third time, the lovely woman could not afford to lose another man.

After he broke up, her world had crumbled─until the previously mentioned Priest Wisdom entered her world. All it took was one love spell, whatever the hell that actually meant, and woosh her husband came back to her side.

Her love life had been saved, and that was all thanks to someone calling himself Priest Wisdom. They both love themselves again and her husband had learned his lesson.

Next time he would cheat on her and not get caught.

But wait people there was much more... another review had appeared from a different totally, normal woman that was not trying to scam you or anything.

This time it was another husband having another affair... how truly unique.

You know, the entire thing was very different though. The Priest Wisdom was now called Dr. Dave. One magical spell later and voila the cheating husband had come back. Thanks to the power of voodoo love spells another marriage had been saved.

Followed by some romantic stuff about their love being the strongest it had ever been. Which was not very hard to achieve given that a certain husband has been having sex with other women... but think about how positive it did sound.

Remember every day was Happiness and Joy... coincidentally those were the name of the local strippers... just remember Happiness and Joy.

Who needed free will anyways, when you had Dr Dave and Priest Wisdom.

The English rivalling the quality of Nigeration oil princes was very convincing and everyone should send a message to the very dubious e-mail address they left behind. Though they made a slight mistake.

Nobody reading novels on WN had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Not even the best black magic or the supreme voodoo love spells from Priest Wisdom could change the fact, that everyone on this site was destined to be single till the end of time.

My readers and I thank the author XimenoideX once more for the very special reviews he gave us. May he be blessed with even more weirdos.

Oh and then some other author, whose name I totally forgot, did send me a message from another site trying to get him to join their site with crazy new signing bonuses.

Our dear writer, of course, could not read English and decided to simply keep the 5-star review.

It would take much more to win over a writer of his quality. But since getting them a friend of any kind would involve human trafficking, they would never be won over by mere promises of money.

Now, I remember their name... it was Little Timmy. Little Timmy, the best cultivation writer, the former ruler of planet Earth, it was that Little Timmy. That Little Timmy that would someday be the almighty king of everything in existence.

The last bit had nothing to do with the review itself, I just thought it was worthy of pointing out. Else we forgot about everyone's role model. And nobody can sleep on our legendary author...

Never mind, let's forget the phrasing just now.

The previous sentences actually were just a fabrication of your mind and clearly not anything illegal to write about like an abusive suicidal hamster.

Damn it, I forgot to give people a trigger warning for such a dangerous thing. For those, who had a panic attack upon reading about abusi*e suici*al hams*ers, I do apologize and ask for your forgiveness.

And, this was not a joke there was a trigger warning about hamsters... Yes, the WN writer rules contained a trigger warning─specifically for hamsters.

What had the world come to???

What led to the creation of a trigger warning for hamsters of all things... I don't even want to know. If it was enough for WN standards, then my poor psyche was not built to handle that kind of cursed knowledge.

My innocence was far more important than understanding what these hamsters had to endure before these rules were formed to protect them from harm.

But ever since, the hamsters had been safe from the clutches of the evil authors, who had done unspeakable things to them. I have a theory myself: they must have forced them to wear school girl uniforms and other humiliating outfits.

This kind of cruelty was only matched by their sadistic desire to share these embarrassing photos online. Now their shame had been immortalized on the Internet for all of eternity.

These pesky humans had the gall to call such a thing "cute", how dare they?

Only after the tragedy of Freddie the King of hamster kind did things finally change. Its death of pure shame, after seeing its noble figure dressed up as a pink-haired anime girl, caused riots all over the WN site.

The uprising of guinea pigs rippled all over the novel world.

Countless clashes between the moderators and desperate hamsters later, a peace treaty was finally formed. The furries had regained the freedom they deserved.

Since that very day, people gotta give a trigger warning for any story involving hamsters...or so I have heard.