Ep. 24

Harry had pulled Lockhart outside Flourish and Blotts while me and Lucius had the people stand aside in preparation for the duel. Me and Lucius held hands in the center of the impromptu arena. I have erected a barrier to prevent stray spells from hitting the audience.

If you are wondering why I'm doing this, let me enlighten you. Wizard law allows for duels to the death as long as both participants are willing, if there is a valid reason, and if there is an impartial, which is very vaguely defined, witness. I can get rid of one of Voldemort's greatest supporters while also getting some exercise in.

I had sneakily set a micro-camera to record the whole thing, so I would always have proof that I am innocent. Rita Skeeter was also documenting everything and recording with her phone. I will make her a better camera as a reward.

"Are you ready?" asked Lockhart. He was sweating heavily for no reason at all.

"Ready!" said Lucius

"Ready."

"Take your positions. I, Gilderoy Lockhart, will stand witness to the duel to the death between Lucius Malfoy and Azagareth Maleficarum. On your marks… Duel!"

Lucius immediately sent a series of spells against me, including a couple of lethal ones. I just started walking while whistling, totally ignoring the spells hitting against me. I started whistling a song which, despite my improved and suave voice, sounded ominous.

"Come on, Lucius. Are you even trying?" He sent more lethal spells against me. As a joke, I let one of the cutting spells directed to my neck actually severe it. My head flopped to the ground, while my body calmly crouched, picked it up, and placed it back where it was.

"Was that all? Because I can give you time to warm up, you know?"

At that point, Lucius started shivering and retreating. I unsheathed my blade and started walking towards him again. I arrive right in front of him, then plunge my blade right in his stomach and twist it. He was screaming like a little bitch.

"Look, I will cut you a deal. If you tell the truth about your time with Voldemort and your association with the Dark Arts, I will let you live."

He looked at me as if he was looking at an oasis after a week in the desert. "I-I will! I was a Death Eater out of my own volition! The Imperius was an excuse to evade incarceration! The Malfoy family has practiced the Dark Arts for centuries! My manor was filled with Dark Artefacts, but I got rid of them all!"

Unknown to him, I had used magic to make everyone hear his words.

"Good job. I will be taking your memories as proof." I said, then extracted and stored his memories, so that they could be used in a pensieve later. "Now, time for you to die."

"W-wait! You said you'd let me live!"

"Oh, that? I lied. What can you expect from a Vampire? Aren't I just a 'filthy creature'?" I said with an enormous, sadistic smile, then plunged my blade in his heart, firing off a magic bullet. His chest exploded in a bloody mist, dirtying my clothes.

"And so ends the story of Lucius Malfoy, shitty father, shitty husband, and shitty Death Eater. His hair was nice though, I should have asked for his shampoo brand." I said aloud and dispelled the barrier I had erected. I also sneakily 'Accio'-ed Tom Riddle's diary.

Rita Skeeter approached me and we detailed the new article, which would immediately be released as a standalone together with the article on Lockhart. I also quickly brainwashed Draco with my Rinne Sharingan, so that he would transfer schools with his lackeys. I retrieved the micro-camera and returned to Harry and the Weasleys.

"Oh, Mrs. and Mr. Weasley, nice to meet you! How is your day going?"

"Huh? Oh, uhm… Good, thanks? Wait, no! You just killed a man!" said Mr. Weasley

"No, I killed a Death Eater who offended my honor in a fair duel to the death. I am not a murderer."

"That's the same thing! H-how can you be this calm?!"

"Simple, I know the law. I did everything as the law demands, so I can't face charges. With Lucius' confession about his previous 'employer', I have no doubt that any charges would be dropped immediately. Furthermore, I should be hailed as a modern hero. After all, I just obtained proof that the Death Eaters that used the Imperius as an excuse were lying." I said, calmly explaining my current position.

"Hm… Harry, did you get your books, by the way?"

While they were distracted, I slipped Riddle's diary among Ginny's books. Sorry, little girl.

"Yes…" the boy said absentmindedly

"Good. That means that we can go now. Or do you prefer staying with your friends maybe? If you wish to stay with them, I can always send your belongings wherever you are."

He looked at Ron and Hermione with hope, though I doubt that Ron would help him, even after my little reprimand back in the bookstore.

"You can stay with us! It's just a few more days, so I am sure that it won't be a problem!" said Hermione, looking at her parents who hurriedly nodded.

"Very well then. If you'll excuse me, I will be leaving. After all, I will probably receive a summons from the DMLE to talk about today's events." I said, then apparated back home. Risa immediately saw a sliver of blood on my collar, so I had to explain what happened. Both her and Mother agreed with me that I did well in getting rid of that vermin. Death Eaters deserve no compassion. Finally some intelligent creatures I can talk with!

As I expected, I received a summons directly from Amelia Bones, head of the DMLE. It wasn't as formal as I expected. Almost everyone in her department was happy that they finally had the proof that all those Death Cucks shouting 'Imperius! Imperius!' had to be caged. I was immediately awarded another First Class 'Order of Merlin' because of overwhelming popular support and evidence. Well, I did basically convict tens of criminals in less than ten minutes, so I guess that it's only natural. I even got a free Apparition license as an 'exceptional case'.

With Skeeter's articles, as she ended up taking over Lockhart's article, my popularity shot up into the stratosphere and I was awarded a Second Class 'Order of Merlin', while Gilderoy's Third Class award was revoked until an in-depth investigation was carried out. Having Rita on your side is basically a cheat, on the same level as Subjective Reality! Oh, and people seemed to love my maniac smile as I killed Lucius, in particular the witches… Humans are strange.

Ahh… How much I love being evil. Nah, I'm a good person, so i should say Chaotic Good. Yes, I love being Chaotic Good. Oh, I started receiving some fan letters, which I left to a puppet, so that he could write a response. I want a good relationship with my fans, for now.

If there's anything that made this drag worth it, it was that Risa rewarded my 'bravery' with a date. Like, an actual date, not those outings that could be considered one but aren't exactly it. Since magic is beautiful, I brought her to Italy to sightsee and have dinner in a nice, romantic place. We had a nice evening, and I even got a kiss. That might have as well been the best reward I could ask for. Ah, but we're not a couple yet. Risa said that she'd wait until I was seventeen, not a single day before. Curse those pesky social norms! Those are for humans anyway! I'm a Vampire, for Merlin's sake!

At any rate, thirteen days soon passed and it was time to head to Hogwarts again. I didn't even get on the Hogwarts Express that I was swarmed by reporters and even girls with love confessions. Well, the latter was kinda expected, after all the girls in my same year are definitely hitting puberty, plus their families must want to have ties with me… 'Poor fools, you can keep on dreaming!' is what I wanted to say, but it would ruin my public image, so I simply smiled and accepted the letters. Giving the girls some false hope just to crush it with an article from Skeeter might be interesting, so I will do just that.

My friends were laughing their asses off at my misfortune, but I could see that Silvia was harboring several negative emotions towards these fangirls, while Natalie just wanted to outright use them as test subjects for some of her potions and spells. I never mentioned it, but my friends got influenced by me and trained quite seriously, so they are far above the rest of the students. Also, Katrina and Christian finally got together over the course of Summer, so I had my own dose of fun teasing them.

Soon enough, probably since I actually slept through most of the trip, we arrived at Hogwarts. I couldn't see Draco anywhere, nor could I sense him in the crowd of students, so he must have transferred as I instructed him. Who I could sense in the crowd, however, was a little, hyperactive, loony bunny. I got on a Thestral carriage with Silvia, Camille, and Natalie while we left Katrina and Christian to their own little world.

Now, it's time for us to start out fifth year and also carry out a Basilisk extermination. It will be fun, in particular if I can get another 'Order of Merlin' to flaunt in front of Lockhart's eyes. I might also take control of his dueling club. Hm… Yes, I'll do just that.

I didn't remember any important characters starting their year at Hogwarts, with the exception of the lunatic bunny and Ginny 'I love strange books' Weasley, so I went directly to the Great Hall with my friends. We all sat at the Ravenclaw table and ignored the rest of the students. Those idiots were all pushing some poor souls to talk with me due to my recent accomplishments. Apparently, making life-saving medicines isn't as important as killing a single Death Eater and allowing the imprisonment of several others… Strange people, these wizards.

I politely answered some of their questions, but I was getting very irritated, so I placed the other students in a Genjutsu where 'I' answered their questions while I was chatting with Silvia, Nat, Camille, Chris, and Kat. All the while, Lockhart has been glaring at me with intense hate and jealousy. I will give him some false hope, just to shatter it and obliviate the fuck out of him.

Thousands of nefarious plans were unfolding in my head when the firsties entered into the Great Hall. There was this one annoying kid with a camera who was taking shot after shot. The light annoyed me even though I am now adapted to the light and even have the Photonucleic Effect. It was just too bright for a Vampire…

McGonagall called the name as usual and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Luna Lovegood was sorted into Ravenclaw, Ginny into Slytherin, Colin into Gryffindor… Wait, I feel like I said something strange. Ravenclaw checks out, Gryffindor as well. Now, what the fuck happened with Ginny? Why, just why did this fucking kid get sorted into Slytherin?! Ah, must be because she's a shy Yandere for Harry. I see, if I think of it that way, it kinda makes sense. Ugh… Why must life give me such surprises?!

Dinner ended and the students split to go into their own Common Rooms. I apparated into a room in the Slytherin dormitory and claimed it. After that, I quickly fetched Marcus Flint and told him to get Harry as a Seeker for the team. I also gave him some custom brooms, so that this year's Quidditch Cup would be ours. Hehe, sorry, Kat, but I think that it's too much fun to pass on it. Flint readily agreed after seeing the brooms and then I sat on an armchair in the Common Room, thinking about this year.

Let's see… We have Lockhart and his stupid lessons, which I will boycot and create my own DADA lessons. I forgot to do that last year. Then we have the Chamber of Secrets opening, which I will leave on its own until after Christmas. Then there's Black escaping from Azkaban in the Summer, oh, and Umbitch passing that law against werewolves. I'm not sure on the last one since I did spread a cure for lycanthropy. Though it's not actually a cure, it allows a werewolf to not transform for an entire year before needing another dose. I still need to make money out of it somehow! Oh well, it will be an interesting year for sure.