Snowy Heart

I woke up. I lost track of time. How many days had passed?

I looked around. This room has been my world. It feels empty... The only company I had were spiders that were lurking around the corner.

I wish I had someone.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I prepared for bath, waiting for the water to fill the bathtub.

I sank my body completely submerged in the water. It's cold. My hands are shaking again. I slammed my palm onto my face as I took a deep breath. The idea of drowning myself right now crossed my mind. And I did. I held my breath. I could feel my heart begging for air. It's pounding like it wants to escape my body.

It hurts...

I stood up, grasping for air. The regret of not killing myself rushed inside my every vein. Why did I hold back? Am I that weak?

I stepped outside, feeling the icy breeze. It's cold. This snow seems to have no ending. This Christmas Eve feels like a normal day. 

...When was the last time I had a "Merry Christmas?"

I wondered around. I could see families celebrating Christmas outside their windows. Doing Christmas parties, exchanging gifts... They're so happy...

The freezing air pierced my skin. "Should've worn a thicker jacket," I muttered as I got closer towards a bridge. The wind swirled freely, like a bird flying eagerly to escape from its cage.

The sound of water waving peacefully filled my ear. I looked down at the water under me. The moonlight reflects the water perfectly. I sat down on the railing facing the bright moon.

Tears rushed down my cheeks. 

"Is living worth it..?" I could feel my body hurting myself subconsciously, like it's now a habit. "I'm tired. I want to die." The pain worsened. "Tell me! Is this worth living!?" I shouted.

I can only hear silence. 

I must be crazy. Talking to the moon is crazy, as if it can talk. It does not matter. At least... it listens to me. "...Moon," I want a sign to live. "Give me a sign to live..." I begged. More tears swamped my eyes.

I want to live... but what for? Life is full of suffering. I stood up as I spread my arms. The wind hugged me tight. Right now, I could jump immediately. Am I ready? I inhaled the cold, fresh air. 

3, 2, 1...

Suddenly, as I was about to jump, an unfamiliar voice destroyed the silence.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He waltz closer towards me, "I rather live and don't give a damn about anything than drown in that icey water."

I was taken aback. "That's you, not me," I said. "There's no point living when you already feel like drowning," I added.

The wind howled softly as his hair waved along. "Sure, life ain't easy," he halted, "but life is still interesting you know, you just have to discover fun things."

I stepped back, i forgot I was still standing on the rusty railing. I thought I would fall down, however, he caught my hand. I looked at him, I could feel my own eyes sparkling. 

He has this majestic face and silky chestnut hair that matches his eyes so well. I felt warm despite the snow. 

He smirked, "so what's it gonna be? Wanna come with me or you want me to let you go?" He asked as my hand slipped an inch. I felt fears across my spine.