Rabbit Must Die

"Rabbit, not rabbit, still rabbit! Not rabbit—damn it, why am I still a rabbit?" At the edge of a pond by a patch of grass, a plump-eared rabbit squatted, gazing at its reflection in the water, looking utterly unhappy!

"Who can tell me what the hell is going on? Sure, I'm not handsome like Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio, don't have a girlfriend, also a boyfriend either, and my abilities aren't strong than superman! But at least I was human, right? How did I fall into a sewer and come out as a rabbit?!" The rabbit looked up at the sky and howled.

After howling, it suddenly realized something was off! The sky was filled with stars shining like a mirror, dazzling and splendid, the Milky Way was clearly visible! It had never seen such a perfect starry sky before!

"Oh my goodness, have I turned into a rabbit from the Starry Sky Reservation? At least I don't have to worry about smog anymore... but how to dig holes to avoid wolf pups is another problem! Or maybe I should just lie down and wait for death, maybe next time I'll be reincarnated into something better..." The rabbit complained. Just then, it suddenly noticed something was wrong! The star patterns in the sky were completely different from the ones it had seen when it was in school!

Upon a closer look at the starry sky, it was completely flabbergasted!

In the distance, there was a mist with golden eaves and red walls built upon it! Above the eaves, there was the dance of neon lights and thousands of streamers; the sight was simply not of this world! Most of these buildings were hidden behind endless white clouds, so not much could be seen clearly. But just the glimpse of the corner that was visible made it realize that those palace clusters were probably bigger than any city it had ever seen!

Because it saw a shooting star pass by, and then a huge hand reached out from the white clouds, grabbed it, and casually threw it to the other side...

"Oh my God, where on earth am I?" The rabbit's eyes were wide open, feeling like the last twenty years of its life had been a complete waste, as all its worldviews collapsed in that moment!

Just then, the rabbit's ear hurt, and it screamed, "Who is it! Let go! Don't pull my ear!"

But when it spoke, it just made a rabbit's squeaking noise! It realized that it had not only turned into a rabbit, but even its ability to speak had been taken away; tears streamed down its face, damn it!

It decided then and there, no matter who was on the other side, it would first slap them! Offend them if it must! Death would be no big deal! Better dead than living as a rabbit!

But before it could even react, its head was pressed down, and breathing became difficult; it cried out in its heart in outrage: what kind of demon is this? Do you have to suffocate a rabbit to kill it? Ever heard of a quick decapitation? Drowning in hot oil, maybe? If all else fails, couldn't you have just used a stone to smash me?

"Yu'er, I've been looking for you for ages, what are you doing here?" A voice emerged, both gentle and playful, not at all coquettish but incredibly pure. Hearing it was like being cleansed, it washed over the rabbit, making it feel completely relaxed and refreshed.

Listening to the voice, it's a woman? But so what? Can a woman just suffocate a rabbit to death?

It suddenly had a thought; God is fair, if He gives you a date, He's sure to slap you next. That is to say, those with sweet voices often aren't that pleasing to look at!

While the rabbit was lost in its wild speculations, the young lady lifted it up again, and in that instant, it felt a breath of fresh air mixed with a faint virginal fragrance that was absolutely comforting.

Before its eyes appeared a youthful girl wearing a light-white long dress, her hair loosely tied in a bun. As for her face, the rabbit didn't know how to describe it—if it had to, maybe "a smile to topple kingdoms" would barely suffice!

Those eyes, like water, carried ripples of tease and whimsy. Her nose upturned ever so slightly, not the high-bridged nose of the West, but a delicate Eastern upturned nose. Cherry lips of just the right size adorned her perfect face. She was a flawless woman without a single blemish!

In that moment, Rabbit had but one thought: This has absolutely nothing to do with those Western dog sellers! This has to be a masterpiece by Lady Nvwa!

"Yu'er? Yu'er? What's wrong?" The woman looked at Rabbit with some concern.

It was only then that Rabbit snapped back to reality, realizing that she was calling him! At the same time, a set of memories flashed through his mind, quickly merging with his own.

This wasn't Earth; this was a desolate planet! He was indeed a native rabbit from here, the sole rabbit who gnawed on tree bark and climbed trees to eat sweet osmanthus, barely scraping by.

At this thought, Rabbit was again bewildered. Gnawing on tree bark? Climbing trees? He subconsciously tugged at his large ears. Right, he was a rabbit, not a mouse or a cat!

It seemed like he was a bit different from other rabbits...

Anyway, Rabbit's past memories were monotonous: eat, eat, eat... His teeth and appetite were extraordinarily good; anything he bit into became a crunch, munch, and then it was in his belly, never once upsetting his stomach. The only thing that bummed Rabbit out was that he never felt full!

He remembered eating since he was young, yet always hungry... Even when he wasn't hungry, he'd think about nibbling on something, munching on it. His stomach was like a bottomless pit, never satiated. The feeling of being overstuffed? That was too luxurious!

Just like that, the rabbit had roamed this barren landscape for countless years, until one day, a woman flew in from afar. Alone, she landed here and then sat down to cry.

The rabbit, being mischievously cunning, scurried over and gnawed on the woman's belongings... and then, instead of running away, continued eating while watching her cry.

As expected, the consequence was clear even without looking. He was caught red-handed and from then on, was kept as her pet. Although a pet, he didn't reap much benefit, as the woman wasn't much better off than Rabbit, both as poor as church mice.

The only change was that, instead of climbing trees alone, it had become a joint activity for the woman and the rabbit...

Time like that passed... how long it had been, he didn't exactly know, but it wasn't very long.

Going out for a pee, taking a stroll, and then he stumbled upon a burly brute squatting in the bushes, ogling a girl. Rabbit too was frozen in shock and seized the moment to bite the brute's huge axe, taking a chunk out of it! Steel also crunched satisfyingly in his mouth...

PS: The reason I'm writing this book is twofold: firstly, to prove myself, and secondly, to wholeheartedly create a "clean" version of a humorous rabbit story. This book will have a completely new background, main plot, subplots, golden fingers, running gags, and punchlines, a brand new story, retaining only the protagonist's name as a tribute.