2.69

Reaching the edge of the forest was when my anxiety finally flared, forcing me to a stop. Gone were the tall, sturdy trees to shield and protect me. Only a large, unplowed farm field lay between us and the highway.

When my feet finally touched the tarmac each way I faced, abandoned vehicles lay scattered. Whatever life had once been here having scattered with the wind. Only the rustling of litter could be heard amongst the faint chatter of flora around me.

"Nyx," I whispered, still wary even if System or I could detect beyond the for now harmless wildlife.

"Left is North," her faint, cold voice responded in my ear. My heart had now become more accustomed to this with her gentle help these months.

Her hand lifted and pulled back at the thick, fabric sling holding Izzy on my back.

"Is she awake?" I bit my lip, confused why the exhaustion and melatonin hadn't been good enough. 

"No Mistress, just cute," she uncharacteristically replied. 

My lip twitched as I did my best to feign ignorance of her change in nature. 

"Stay close but hidden," my hand rested on my right hilt where Ivory, the white half of my Dao Swords, rested. 

From what I recalled, she had followed Master whilst I was Katsuki. Then after the pregnancy, then subsequent marriage, she was my guard until I broke our bonds and sent her away during my miscarriage. 

So how had she followed Master's soul when I turned him immortal? I'd never seen any of his other Ghost Soldiers. A small private army of cultervised souls of the dead that refused to cross to the Void. All of which were linked to that world by the head of the Clan, at that time of my death it was Master. 

Regardless, none of this mattered to me. Nyx was linked to Izzy's soul now. I was just an outsider. 

I'd softly dropped hints at my curiosity, but her words were more precious to speak than even Master. The guilt of how poorly I'd failed as Katsuki, -the body I had taken over, the life I had robbed- created a firm restrictive fear of being able to pry too far. 

Twice, we had a chance to start over. Twice, I had failed Master.

The relationship between our souls was cursed, soulmate or no. I had to force myself to accept this curse. I could only draw the line between us before this pain we shared worsened. 

Whether Izzy or my sweet babe before, we were just parents. Only responsible for this sweet mortal soul, in the flitting moment we shared. To give her a peaceful death to reincarnate well. That was all an Immortal was a parent.

We'd already let down the first.

"Mistress," Nyx's voice softly spoke into my ear, forcing me to blush in shame. How long had I wandered forward in his useless stupor?

In front of us was a three-car collision, in which was the first zombie I had met since I took refuge in those tall, concrete walls. 

Sprawled through the windshield, was what had once been a young woman. She clawed her sharper-than-human nails through the bonnet, pulling her body to a collapse on the tarmac. 

With a heavy sigh, I walked forward drawing Ivory to put her soul and body to misery. Her soul still lingered nearby, emitting such strong unwillingness at her death.

The system's changes to my body and my soul, using the meteorite and nuclei, had such confusing changes that I still struggled to adapt with. 

The ghosts, unwilling souls, in this world, were much stronger than that when I was Zhiyue. Much similar to the ones in my world as Katsuki, who strengthened though mortal and able to cultivate the world's energy, further resisting the Void.

Instead of welcoming silence as Ivory destroyed the zombie's brain, there was another feeble hungry growl. 

Peering into the car, I spotted only a child's car seat in the back row.

"Fuck," I cursed, my left hand tentatively reaching to my thankfully still-living child at my back. Without her, without her in my life, nothing could give me the strength to go on. 

Now I knew why she was so unwilling, why there was such a sweet innocent soul feeling so lost and alone nearby as well. 

The same blade that had silenced his mother, now silenced this weak, feeble him. "I'm sorry," I mumbled without understanding why. When my blade pierced his brain, I attempted something I'd learned as Katsuki. Relying on his mother's blood connecting with his, I used the energy to connect the souls, after which they had both reincarnated as mother and child again.

My knee's trembled as I took two steps from the car, then Ivory fell from my grip.

"Misstress, what's wrong?" Nyx growled and reached to hold me up, my knees mere centimeters from the ground. 

Gritting my teeth, I focused on my five senses and pushed back the other lifetimes to focus on the present. 

"Just give me five minutes," I breathlessly sat on my backside and gave myself time to lull the erratic heart in my chest.