Epiphany

Nothing remained the same, the sky had changed but it was recognizable, but not the people.

Words that carried heavy feelings that expressed the heart vanished like they never existed. How can it still exist when the heart that those words expressed wasn't the same as before, and so were the owners?

The chilly wild wind appeared again, around the same time of the year, accompanied by the same fragrance of cold winter.

Only I could tell if those winds were similar to the ones appearing last year and how they are different in comparison.

The night and clear sky, the moonlight, and the wind were similar to the last time, the road and the buildings had not changed either.

Strolling against the piercing wind, I didn't change either. My heart remained true to itself.

However, one thing that wasn't present on the scene this year was him.

I still remember last time, the air, its fragrance, the sky, and its night were all the same, and he was there too.

Walking along him at a distance of more than two meters away, he was parallel to me like the lines of a road.

To his right, I kept stealing glances as his brother played around with mine, revolving around us like planets, as we moved forward like the galaxy.

I could see his eyes clearly as he looked up to the moon, wearing those teal hue jacket, chained up to his neck, leaving his head looking like a black pearl kept inside a clam.

As usual, I am a person who tries to take in as much as my surroundings, absorb the atmosphere and capture the moment in my eyes, and engrave the words in my heart.

Later, when I am reminiscing, everything would be as vivid as if I had traveled back in time.

At that time as well, I was silently doing the same thing, when he turned to me and said, "You..."

I could not be more stunned than I was, when I heard his voice, talking to me, or was I delusional? I instantly turned to him and responded, "Yes!"

"You wanted to see me ride the motorbike, since we are here, in front of your building, why not I do that?" he asked, his eyes looking at me, but I dared not to see him confidentially.

"No! It's okay! I don't want to trouble you, it's quite late, I am afraid the Neighbours would be disturbed," I replied, stuttering and blushing.

I was astonished to know he remembered my words.

The last time he visited my house with his family, his elder sister bragged about him, she could not stop praising her brother, that he knew how to ride a bike at a young age.

I was quite impressed and that was the first time I talked to him and said jokingly, "Why not show me someday?"

Nothing could describe the brightness in his eyes when he agreed excitedly.

My father would praise him too before I even met him properly, ever since we moved to L City. However, on the other hand, we would despise boys who try to grow up before they age. Especially the one who starts spending time on bikes and cars.

I never understood my father, his parallel opinion always intersected at my skull, as I had no idea how to make a judgment.

Until recently, I learned that things are never in black and white.

It had been two years since he visited, we were in eighth grade now, and he mentioned it as if I said it just yesterday.

A disappointed look spread on his face as he turned to the moon again, I felt like I had screwed up.

"There are policemen and civil servants who live here, we just passed that jeep and the men inside it, you are still underage, I am afraid you'd be caught if you do it here, how about some other time?" I explained, at that time he didn't respond to me but nodded with a faint smile.

Now that I ponder, he must have thought I was bragging about my rich neighborhood and the security. At times, I thought I was overthinking, but it was true, a corner of his mind did get it wrong.

We kept strolling around my building whereas our siblings played around on their bicycles, disappearing from our sight.

"A bad sister I am," I thought as I looked around for them, there was no way they could get out of the gated apartment, but I was still worried, it was surely late, but I did not know what exact time it was.

I panicked but he interrupted me, "Wait, where are you going?"

"To look for them!" I replied, worry written on my face.

"Don't be overprotective! Let them roam around, after all, we are here for them, they are not too far, it's the building that is blocking our view," he tried to calm me down, meanwhile scolding me.

"I am just worried," I mumbled, what right he had to scold me? But I had no brain to think about it.

We stood there looking up at the moonlight, it was quite a sight, especially in the winter, surprisingly there was no fog or cloud to block the soothing view of the moon.

After a long while, neither of us spoke, I kept stealing glances, his eyes I remember were emotionless, but at that time, they were glittering, maybe because mine were.

"Where they have been? I can hear them from here," I mentioned as the cheerful voice laughing from the other side was audible to me.

"Are you bored with me?" He asked with a straight face, his faint smile disappeared.

"No!" I replied, feeling embarrassed, that was the least emotion I would feel in his company.

"Then, why do you keep asking for them? Can't we talk?" He spoke, his eyes remaining colder than the wind.

"It's just too late, we should go back," I reminded.

He approached his phone and dialed a number, "Hello? Father? Can I talk to Uncle?" He asked, his eyes fell upon me, I guess when my father took over the call.

Those narrow cold eyes, full of strange emotions, I did not know what they meant.

I was stunned to find him boldly talking to my father, "Uncle, should we come back?" He asked and then put the phone on speaker.

"No, we will be right there in half an hour, it's just the ladies taking time, don't come up, we are coming," it was my father's voice that spoke, laughing and I could hear other people giggling and talking.

After he hung up the phone, I instantly asked, "What was that about? Why would they come down? Are you leaving?" I asked, that was the only thing that came to mind or why else would our entire family come down?

He licked his lips and pursed them with a teasing smile, trying to hold in his laughter.

"What's so funny?" I asked, not showing annoyance, as I had none, I could never imagine myself having any negative emotions for him.

"I forgot to tell you, I guess, Uncle is taking us downtown, to the night market," he replied, turning his face away to hide the small laughter.

"No wonder," I mumbled and looked down, feeling ashamed.

"I think I should still go back," I said and turned to enter the lobby in front of us.

"Hey, can't you just talk with me?" He stopped me and I froze, his words sinking my heart in the ocean.

He just uttered those words so casually, and I could just stand there being attacked by my teen hormones.

"Well, I guess we have nothing much to talk about, I should just get going," I replied, feeling utterly embarrassed.

What exactly should we talk about? We hardly met each other, and we hardly had many interactions, when he visited us with his family, his sister was the one I talked with a lot. Not him, though.

I remember when our siblings surrounded him as he played carrom like an amateur, and I was flabbergasted to find his loving personality, the way he pretended to not care but he did, managing his sibling in such a mature manner.

We had very few short talks that I could still recall, and it was his second time meeting me, and I was in a tough position, as his sister always accompanied me whenever he was there.

It was easy to avoid him and not interact, but this time she had not come, and it was an awkward situation.

He made me appear like I was purposely avoiding him and being rude to him. He ambled forward under the bright moon and turned to me, appearing to be an angel sent from heaven.

"I wonder why your sister did not come this time? you should have brought her too," I tried to break the ice by mentioning her, it was always like this, the only topic we had in which we could fit in more than two sentences in our conversation.

"We left hurriedly for father's business purpose, and she is in her senior year now, it's not good to disturb her," he replied.

I nodded and spoke no further, which led to silence again appearing in the atmosphere with the background voices of our siblings and the wind blowing. The trees moved along it as the leaves fluttered, I knew it was chilly but the wind went wild.

"It must be boring here, I wonder if you have any friends now," he asked trying to cook up a topic and throwing an ingredient.

"I had one, but she went to Tasmania that same year when you visited us," I replied feeling sorrowful, we seldom talked as her mother was strict and I often felt she disliked me.

"Tasmania? That place near Australia?" he asked, his eyebrows going up to the hairline, he was amazed to hear the name of the country, however, I felt he was being sarcastic but I tried to ignore his tone.

"Yeah, she came from Canada and took admission in the sixth grade, we were in different sections, but we hang out a lot since she lived in this apartment, now she is gone again, I do miss her sometimes," I explained, showing no emotion, because I hid it all inside.

"That sounds impressive!" he spoke sarcastically again.

"By the way, my sister asked me to check on you since we were here, I was glad to find you doing better than before.

I don't know why but she asked me to check how much you have changed," he blurted out with a second thought.

"So? How much have I changed?" I asked, feeling shy and embarrassed.

"You haven't! Well, I wonder if you ever miss us too, like we used to frequently come here when you were in another building," he mentioned the past I thought he had forgotten.

"I do miss those times when you played carrom with everyone, I do admire the time you took care of your two siblings, so lively! you got along well with my siblings as well," I spoke reminded of the past, getting carried away to the moment, I often pondered about.

The moment when I was sure to have a tiny crush on him.

"Well I live six hours away from here, I can often visit you, maybe every year, during our holidays," he said those serious words casually like they were nothing big of a deal.

"Are you sure?" I mumbled in disbelief.

"I promise!" he replied, at that time, those surreal moments could not be more unrealistic, I did not care about the look in his eyes, I was just blooming to hear a promise from him.

As naive as a young teenage girl could be, I believed in promises, I believed in words, I believed in friendship, I believed in love.

Now that I think about it, those emotionless empty eyes never had any will to fulfill the promise, those eyes never glittered like mine, I was just blinded by innocent fantasies.

I never read a novel about love; I never watched any Romantic drama but I was inspired by the purity of love from a movie that I had watched in my childhood.

"Do you know what time is it?" he asked, his eyes staring in another direction, it seemed to be the first-floor balcony.

Why would he mention it? We were walking in the chilly wind, slapping our faces, and piercing my bones, I was not as slim as him, but rather a healthy girl. I did not appear to be as fragile as I was.

Staying in the cold had already impacted my health, my migraines started hammering stones against my head, and my eyes felt like they were being pulled out, it was severe I knew it very well.

However, I was too embarrassed to reveal my discomfort to him, I was ashamed as his family always pointed out how sick I always am, if I spoke a word, I would surely spoil the excited mood.

I forced a smile and shook my head in disagreement.

He responded without looking at me, "It's about midnight, dear lady."

"What? Why are we still outside? Let's go back, it's windy," I was astonished, knowing it was past 8 pm but I had no idea it was already midnight, what in the world our parents were doing at home, we would get sick at this rate.

"It's not that windy, or chilly, otherwise why would they be still playing, I guess, you have a fever and thus you are sensitive to the atmosphere," he smirked faintly.

"Fever?" I checked my forehead and neck and shook my head with a small smile.

"I don't think so!" I replied, maybe it was true. The winter was dying and maybe it wasn't that cold, maybe I was too sensitive.

However, lost in my thoughts, I did not realize when the distance between us got shorter, and he was standing before me, a few inches away, his hand approaching my forehead.

I was too stunned but my body reacted and I stepped back stumbling on my feet, my cheeks turned crimson, and my eyes welled up in tears that I tried to hide, I did not know why I was reacting like that. But it all just happened.

"I just wanted to check your fever," he explained himself as if he could read my thoughts.

I nodded and replied, "Maybe I have a fever," and I looked up into his straight eyes.

He was again looking in that direction, my soul left the body when I heard a squeaky laugh, I dared not look back and asked him fluttering, "Why did you ask me about the time?"

"I remember you are afraid of horror movies," he mentioned the thing I expected he would then.

"You even remember that?" I asked jokingly, trying to hide my fear beneath the mask of my smile.

"How can I not? I showed your brother and you, a clip of a horror movie which is said to be a true one, your little brother wasn't afraid, yet you moved your eyes away from the screen, gasping with such a terrible look, I can never forget that," he reminded.

Laughing out without restraint, his eyes again looked at the balcony, and this time, I even felt the presence of something behind me.

A woman wearing a long white gown with her hair running till her knees, she cracked and bloody face, having no eyes, and long fangs, staring at me from behind.

That was the illusion I felt before I could even turn back to see if my guess was right, better not be, I prayed in my heart.

I closed my eyes tightly and turned my neck sideways, to have a look at the 'thing' he had been staring at for a while.

I gave a rough look and found a silhouette of a man, I screamed and wanted to run, but stood there.

I wished to jump in his embrace, but I knew it was inappropriate and useless.

"Relax!" He burst into laughter, teasing me for getting scared, I had my eyes closed again, I was dumbfounded.

As I opened my eyes again, I saw a man sitting on the corner of the balcony attached to the wall, which was big enough to accommodate a grown-up man, and talking to his girlfriend on the phone.

She had been talking all the while and the man kept on smiling and laughing and had not said a word for as long as we were present there.

"What's wrong?" My father came out of the elevator and asked, I smiled forcefully and replied, "Nothing!"

"Okay! Then let's call those little boys and go to the night market now," he motioned me to call our siblings.

I still remember that day and every year around this time I wait for that moment to return, and for him to return. but everything except him came to meet me again.

Whenever I look back in time, everything is as vivid as it was that day, surprisingly it is clearer and more visible, his words, his actions, and his smile, were nothing but a gesture of courtesy, a distant interaction with father's friend's daughter.

Only those pair of brown eyes never lied, they never did, but the sweetness of the words had blinded me and clouded my stupid brain into thinking that we could be friends at the very least.

We had such a shallow relationship, based on our parents' friendship, we were as close as that distant relative we meet once in a decade. Yet, I thought those words of promise held meanings.

I was overwhelmed to know he remembered those trivial matters, even when we met after two years. I was perhaps taking it all wrong, probably, because I had no true friend.