Lost in the labyrinth

Caroline was friends with Tessy before I came in the picture.

We had to learn three languages in our school. English was our first language. It was up to the students to choose if they will take Hindi or Bengali as their second language.

During the second and third languages we had to relocate as Hindi and Bengali  can not be taught in a single room. It would be too much of a chaos.

I recall siting alone during those two periods. Tessy, the center of my attention lately, sat with Caroline, always by her side. I was always behind them. They sometimes used to put their bags on the bench and tell me to stand because their is not enough space. Their bags were more precious than me. I accepted all their conditions unconditionally. I did not want the tragedy to happen again.

They used to make fake complaints about me to the teacher and blamed me for the things they did. Tessy never gave the window seat and always gave me the unfavorable places to sit. They did it in the name of love and accepted for the same love.

According to Tessy I should not be friends with other girls. Why? Maybe it was her insecurity or maybe she saw me as her possession.

Tessy used to invite me to her home to spend time with me. It was just two of us. Watching movies and gossiping about boys. I thought this was it. All the laughters made me beleive that she was the one. The person who would write me on their best friend's essays. I was a colourblind to all the red signs she showed me.

The closer I became to Tessy, the more jealous Caroline became.

One day I protested Tessy's wrongdoing. And what did it result in ? My social circle at the time included Anna, Solemn, Sasha, Tessy, Caroline, and myself. Caroline told everyone in our group, not to talk with me. She boycotted me. 

This was the start of my depression. Walking down the corridors alone in a helpless manner during the lunch time when everyone used to play and gossip around became a daily ritual for me at that time. For the first time in my life I started hating lunch time. A hollow ache settled in my chest, making every breath feel heavy. I had no one to talk to. The benches I used to sit alone felt so long that it traumatized me. Laying on the couch I cursed my destiny and myself. Why me lord ? I shed my old skin just to end up alone again. I prayed to God everyday, "It's ok if I do not meet the love of my life. I just want a friend. A true friend. Someone I can talk with."

It was just too much for a child to take.

This boycott started from december of 2018 and lasted till May 2019.