Heisenberg! How am I supposed to blow up Hector with my death cannon if Hank and the DEA are here?!

Gor was throwing up into her shit bucket for about three hours straight. Jittering, cold sweat, full cold turkey- you know the deal. The only one who really did anything was Jesse. Walter felt Gor was beneath him, so he waited outside with Saul.

"Yo Gor," Jesse gently yelled over her miserable hacking as he held her twin tails back, "is there any magic that can like, make you feel better or something?"

Gor twisted her neck to him, a fresh coating of… we'll call it corn chowder, covering the lower half of her face. She grumbled, "I need Duki nee-san for that."

"So then, like, where is Dookie… right now? And what even is she? Is she a-"

She growled and continued vomiting into the waste bucket. 

Jesse awkwardly bobbed his head. "What'd you do before… meth?"

"Me and my friends defeated Zizzzamagaragimbl, the demon king who ruled over the world."

"Wait, you're like a hero then! That's dope, yo! Fring isn't gonna-"

Gor's glare lowered Jesse's high fiving hand before he could get it up. Tears were streaming down her face.

"Sorry."

"They all died fighting him. Duki nee-san too."

Jesse didn't know how to respond, so he didn't. He let Gor retch and heave until there was nothing left for her to hack up. She passed out next to the bucket. He put her in her shabby makeshift bed and let her sleep, then joined Walter and Saul outside.

"She's passed out, probably gonna be out all night."

Walter tilted his head and flexed his jaw in frustration. "You junkies are always so pathetic. We have no food, no fire, and now we don't even have our guide to get us to Hector."

Jesse nodded, annoyed. "Yeah, we junkies." He revealed a lighter which had been tucked away in his jacket. "I guess you wouldn't want some junky's lighter to keep your old ass warm then." 

Walter rolled his eyes and began formulating how he would blame everyone else for his bad attitude.

Saul raised his eyebrows. "Gentlemen, guys, can't we just get along for one night?"

"What are you even still doing here? I thought you were out of here because of Hector."

He casually chuckled. "And go where? We're stuck together until the nudist nutjob wakes up."

Walter sighed. "Jesse, I didn't mean it like that. We're all stressed given," he gestured to the world around them, "so it would be in our best interest to not take anything anyone says to heart. Who's to say we're not under the influence of some kind of magic already?"

"Yeah…" Jesse sat down and held his lighter under a pile of kindling that the others had gathered, but his thumb slid right over the spark wheel, which was slimy with saliva. He wiped it in his shirt, and dried all he could, but no sparks were had.

Walter groaned and took the lighter from Jesse, dismantled the wheel, and held the lighter in the fire, striking the spark stone against his sword. The lighter lit, and just as Walter and Jesse were about to have some bonding conversation about being a team and needing each other or some dumb shit, the door burst open, scaring Walt into dropping the lighter.

"OHAYOU GOZAIMAS!!!!" Gor smashed through her own door, riddling Saul with little splinters and shards of wood.

Jesse whipped around, terrified at the sudden exploding door behind him. "Gor?! What the hell?!" Smoke was billowing out from her shabby hut.

"Duki nee-san showed me how to synthesize meth out of Tuco's scales! Turns out he smoked so much meth that all it took was a little magic to bring out their potential!"

Gor was back to her upbeat, erratic, and bloodshot-eyed self, which infuriated Walter. How could she make meth so easily? Was it better than his? No, impossible he's Heisenberg. The best.

He grumbled, standing up. "You… you were supposed to be sobering up so we can get rid of Fring! How are we supposed to stop him when-"

"Like this!" Gor did a backflip up to her roof and posed, peace sign in front of one eye and the other hand on a remote. She pressed a button and the ground shook fiercely. Trees uprooted and blasted into the kaleidoscopic fantasy sky like rockets. They unfolded in the air into giant mechanical pieces, which attached to each other in a dazzling showcase of magic and technology. The newly formed mech whirred and the head opened. Gor hopped in its hand, which slammed her into the cockpit.

The mech immediately raised its fist, which configured into a cannon. There was a short build up before an immense heat overwhelmed the area and a blinding ray of catastrophic plasma wiped a distant mountain clean off the face of the planet.

Walt and Saul were silent, in complete awe at the sight of such immense power.

"YES BITCH!" Jesse jumped for joy, pumping his fist in the air and Gor in the mech mirrored his celebration. "YOU HAVE A TRANSFORMER!" He turned to the other two. "Gor, can that laser hit Fring from here?!"

"I can blow up King Fring super duper easy with this!" Gor pointed the cannon toward a castle in the distance.

"Gor!" Walter was panicking, "if you blow up that castle, there won't be any more meth for you! All the labs, all the supplies will be annihilated!"

"Yeah," Jesse said, "no dip! Isn't that the point of saving all these people, so they're not hooked on it?"

Walt continued. "And how many innocent lives will be taken in the blast? How many people will be killed that we can save? We need to think about this with a little more logic than just 'blow it up.' This is why we needed you sober, Gor."

The mech whirred sadly and the face opened up. Gor sat there, head down, crying. "I'm so sowwy Heisenberg onii-san! I'm not good at making plans! Yubbatao did it all for us back when I was adventuring!"

Walter held back a smile, trying to appear as sympathetic as possible. "How about you do what I say, then when all of this is over, I'll make you enough meth to last a lifetime. Free of charge."

Gor immediately perked back up. "Yes sir Heisenberg-sama!"

Jesse silently eyed Walter, recognizing the signs of a plot in the works.

"Maybe-"

Walter cut him off. "We're taking the robot to Hector. If he tries anything, I'll give you the sign to blow him away."

"Yes sir Heisenberg-sama!" The face plate folded back down and angry eyebrows over digital heart eyes appeared in the eye screens.

"Ahem," Saul stepped forward, still a little perplexed by the mech, "Walter, I like the gusto, but we have the odds stacked in our favor here. Let's not play all our cards at once, cart before the horse, as it were."

Walter chuckled. "We? So now you suddenly want a piece of the pie?"

"I want to get back to Albuquerque and this changes the game completely. Uh, Gor, my good friend, do you know if Gus Fring has one of these… robot… things?"

"Nope!" As Gor spoke, the mech switched between several poses like it was a bodybuilder. "One of a kind right here! Custom built by yours truly!"

"Perfect," Walt stepped forward. "Take us to Hector, and stay hidden."

The unlikely group set off through the woods, eventually finding a road paved with crystal clear bricks, a window to caves beneath which were filled with a pink glowing liquid.

They arrived at a castle of shifting green bricks. The entire building gently waved and swayed like liquid, rooms moving around the building haphazardly, but slowly. Gor used magic to shrink the mech and flew into Jesse's pocket, eagerly awaiting any sign to blow shit up. 

Suddenly the bricks in front of the burst outward, halting in the air as several shapes stepped into the light. That's a lie. One of them wasn't stepping. He was rolling. Like an unfortunate combination of a muted orange ankylosaurus and an armadillo, Hector Salamanca unfurled from being a rolling ball and his eyes flared yellow. A sepia filter cascaded over the land and suddenly it all looked a bit more like Mexico. Hector's legs gave out and he stared at Walter, somewhat angry, somewhat enthused as his mouth quivered, still mostly paralyzed in his second life.

Walter flexed the baby blue sword in his hands and Hector seemed to immediately pick up that Tuco was dead.

The shifting green building loomed forward. Walter, Jesse, and Saul exchanged frightened glances, but Walter held out on revealing Gor. The building swallowed them up, forming around them into a luxurious dining hall lit by sepia lanterns. There was no door behind them, only behind Hector. An attendant stepped out, holding a bell on a pillow in front of Hector's massive claw. 

Walter started. "Don't pretend your meth addict nephew could help us against Gus. He was too busy killing his own supply to kill us."

Hector fidgeted and grimaced.

Saul put up his hand. "Don Salamanca, if I may…"

Hector rang the bell once. 

"Thank you. These men may appear as enemies at first glance, but we all have the same goal. Gus Fring-"

Two bangs rang out and blood burst from a fresh hold in Saul's face. His body crumpled to the floor. The second massive bullet clattered against the stones, its trajectory for the back of Jesse's head but stopped by a blue hex force wall. 

Walt froze in place, horrified, glancing behind him to see the twins, armed with magical guns. More rudimentary, but similar in design to Gor's mech. The twin that shot Saul pointed the gun to Walter.

Hector smiled wildly, like he would keel over laughing if he wasn't a vegetable.

"Wait! Hector! Call them off! I'm not your-"

The ceiling of the castle rumbled and then burst open, the stones halting in the air like a time-frozen explosion. 

Yelling men soared down on the backs of wyverns. "GET DOWN! DROP THE WEAPONS!" Laser blasts singed the floor in front of the twins, who exchanged a look, dropped their guns, and silently put their hands up. However, several of the attendants shot back, and the war began. Walt and Jesse took off toward a door to their right, running past an attendant with a gun. 

"Hey! Sto-" The attendant was vaporized into glitter dust as a wyvern screeched.

A declarative voice emerged from the ceiling that sent chills down Walter's spine.

"Hank Schrader, DEA! Gomie, get that net over him! Hector Salamanca, you have the right to remain silent-"

As Hank diligently told Hector his Miranda Rights, Walt glanced back, catching a glimpse of Hank in full metal swat armor, magical blaster aimed at Hector. 

"Boys, clear this place of the cartel!" Hank ordered. "Scour every inch!"

As they rounded a corner, Walter grabbed Jesse. "I can't let Hank find me here! Not with you, not with anyone!"

"Yeah, you think?! Neither of us are cartel, Mister White!"

Gor piped up from Jesse's pocket. "Heisenberg! How am I supposed to blow up Hector with my death cannon if Hank and the DEA are here?!"

Walter leaned against the wall and caught his breath. How could this be happening to him? 

"Jesse! We need to find a prison block in here before the DEA finds us! I think I know how we can get out of this!"