List To Fall (Not) in Love

Right in front of me, through my eyes, through the shop window. Passionate fools spend all the time. As it is Valentine's Day, every half a second passes through the flower shop on 34th Street, where I work, a couple of lovers. I close my eyes slowly trying to create patience so that my feelings are not transparent and my great frustration with Valentine's Day is not noticed by the customers, so I let out a big sigh, relieving the urge to scream.

It's the worse day of the year!

I tell you why I hate Valentine's Day so much, here's a "Mini explanation" for you to understand me better. Exactly a year ago on the same date when I went to surprise my ex-boyfriend, Sean , by going to his house without prior invitation and I found him cheating on me as my supposed best friend.

At that moment when I discovered the betrayal I felt that familiar feeling that people usually describe as "An instant loss" symptoms like; broken heart and cold hands with upset stomach, are included in the package.

Frozen in time, standing like an ice statue, with no reaction, no voice or at least the strength to process what happened.

Of course, the two denied, but how could I pretend hypocrisy in that situation, if the big scene was eternalized in my memories. I didn't want to be another one of those people who deny their boyfriends good fidelity to death, so I didn't deny the fact that I was betrayed.

I'm not a vindictive girl, knew reality and held on to it, I am always rational, I never let my feelings guide me.

Well ... no anymore.

People always notice when you change your attitude towards them, but never recognize the attitudes that motivated our change.

Respect is how a person behaves before him, Character is how he behaves in his absence, and these two things are completely parallel and different lines. I was full of expectation and overflowing with disappointment, after all loving someone who doesn't love you is like he waits for a ship at an airport.

The only thing I was able to do after I regained my senses was to look into the eyes of the two people involved and run without looking back and sob without stopping feeling hot tears running down my face.

In my opinion now I thought that love was nothing but a myth. "The Great Scene" destroyed my then dreamed of Valentine's Day thus becoming the worst day of the year for me, without a doubt I hated him with all my strength. Not that I blame others for the great bitterness I carry in my chest or something, because it was nobody's fault.

Nobody hurts us, we hurt ourselves, because we misuse the great power we have: the power to choose. Whoever does not accept that he loves for two cries alone.

But Valentine's Day just reminded me of the terrible and painful past, and that day for me was contrary to what other people thought.

It wasn't cool.

It wasn't cute.

It wasn't not romantic.

And it was not pleasant.

Most looking at those who are "Ultra Romantic" who are activated on that big day, were disgusting. Because I was once one of them. It makes me feel incomplete, because the only person to whom I gave my sincere heart, devastated it in small and bitter pieces. Everything that happened in the past haunts me until today, I always wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares for the same things. I don't want to hurt myself anymore, I don't want to deceive myself anymore because of another asshole who doesn't deserve me.

He always knew how to say the right things, for him everything was just a joke where only I was hurt, all I know is that loving him was a lost game.

Whenever our paths cross by the irony of fate, Sean is happy to smile in such an inconvenient way. But i survived without it and I intend to continue like this.

What is really surprising about everything is that billiy betrayed me just with the person I trusted most in the world, lily and I grew up together in great london, our parents were and are close friends today. I remember when I met her. The image of two little girls running through the seven corners of the city came to mind like crystal, she and I were just eight-year-old girls who dreamed of finding out what was at the end of the rainbow.

She always said that she was not only my best friend, but also my "Sister" would always take care of me and blah balah. All those arguments that we only come across in perfect Hollywood movies, more like the old saying goes "Not everything that glitters is gold" she was not, in fact, the same docile girl she appeared to be.

Being honest with myself, what hurt the most was the part of being betrayed by a "sister" to be betrayed by my boyfriend. She was a person I believed in and thought I knew, but the more I saw her attitudes the more they made me think that I was totally wrong about my first impressions, and made me rethink all my judgments I have ever made in my life.

How blind I was!

I used to take a long time to give up, because I believe in changes, And I always insist, stay and keep waiting ... One more day I got tired and without making a noise I left everything behind.

My heart stayed with time as impenetrable as a fortress. Fragile. I never want to feel this way again. I no longer want to waste my time with someone who will never like me.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

I am alarmed by the chimes of an old clock hanging on the wall, which took me out of my deep thoughts. I lean with my elbow on the counter, I lean my head against the wall and I see the old clock at work, it looked a little antique than anything else, since everything in the store except the flowers was at least 60 years old.

I didn't like it?

On the contrary, I always had a peculiar taste for everything vintage, the store was totally strange and my grandmother was unusual, that's what differentiated that store from other London florists, making work more fun and less boring, I confess.

It was seven o'clock on a tedious Friday night, and I still had an hour to end my shift. I was a little anxious to leave, I put my hands on my back in an attempt to suppress the pain I felt, as I had a long day with so many new orders of flowers that arrived. My only wish at that moment was to get home and throw myself on my soft couch, let my body sink into it and fall asleep to wake up on a new day.

work at the floriculture on 34th Street, I think three years ago, at the beginning it was just a temporary job, but in the last year I started to have longer shifts. The owner was my grandmother mary, who is literally crazy about flowers and plants and anything alive and coming from nature. She was just arriving at the florist since she had gone out to celebrate what I think was her 43rd anniversary with my grandfather.

Because she is my grandfather fell in love on what day? Well ... I don't even need to comment.

I was always the most romantic in the family. My grandfather said that I would make a beautiful cupid, because he thought I understood a lot about the subject. I realize now that I did not understand anything about the "mutual love" item because after what happened, only incomplete pieces remained of me, but I love my family and they love and this love in my life is enough.

The person who undoubtedly most understands me and my grandmother, a lady with a beautiful pair of blue violet eyes and gray hair around her 63 years old who loves gardening and her favorite fashion item is a hat with a green ribbon.

"The night is beautiful, dear" says a sweet voice behind me. I don't need to turn around to recognize that it is Mary my grandmother who comes back smiling from her date.

"It's raining outside, I know you love it" says pointing to the street "You can leave early, I'll take care of here, don't worry" I feel my lips twitch in a half smile, but I hide my laughter turning my face.

Do not worry? As if that were possible!

As time went by my grandmother seemed to have lost a screw less, the other day she put peach jam in the store drawer and gave me a great job to clean all that molasses that had fallen on the capet and last month she left the store unlocked and left without the slightest concern, lucky that I forgot my coat and went back to get it if I didn't, I don't even know what would have happened to the poor florist.

Always had to take very close care of the madness that Mary did, she was more concerned with giving affectionate advice to her clients than anything else that would make my life a little difficult, but that day the tiredness spoke louder and after having Spent every day turning 10,000 roses into super cliché bouquets for that hateful holiday, I accepted the suggestion without protest.

"Thank you grandma" I say giving a kiss on his forehead.

"Don't forget the umbrella!"

"I will not go!" I shout back and go back, grab my umbrella, put my red scarf around my neck and quickly return to the entrance.

I step out of the flower shop and hear the golden bell hanging over the front door making its familiar, familiar noise. My grandmother knew me well, I always loved the rain jumping in the mud puddles with my red boots and my bee socks was my favorite pastime as a child.

The city was more beautiful than ever, lit from head to toe by lights and several advertisements, all always focused on the same theme "Love is in the air". When I was little I thought that love was about time, people around me always said that love would arrive at the right time, but I think that time does not wait for love.

My nose was freezing because of the low temperature that reigned in the place and even though I hated that day, I couldn't deny that it was incredibly beautiful even in a storm. Forgotten my gloves at home, and used my coat pocket as a source of heat. I hugged myself in the hope of warming up a little and started heading towards my home.

I actually live in a mini apartment a few blocks from the florist, but I like to say "my home", because for a long time I lived with my parents and I didn't feel at home and when I finally had a home to call my own, I didn't would miss an opportunity.

I went to cross the sign but had the strange habit of jumping on the crosswalk always in white and never in black. It was a mania that accompanied me since I was a child, but it always brought me certain risks because I am a totally awkward person who thinks he has balance.

When I passed in front of the mall, a sea of ​​people fleeing the rain suddenly started to pass, blocking my path and trapping me right in the middle of the street. I tried to go through the holes that formed in the middle of people, but the ground was slippery due to rain and in an unconscious act I hit a person or better explain, a handsome guy.

He wore an all-white suit with a pink flower embroidered at the shoulder. It seemed or was my impression that he had wings on his back, which I found very funny because it seemed like the worst costume in the world to wear that day and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Did you know that this suit is expensive!" speaks cleaning my hot coffee that had fallen on your clothes "What are you laughing at? Can I know?" Asks the man standing in front of me, but I can't even say a word because laughter prevented me.

"Is it so funny to look at me?"

Our eyes meet, and he smiled at me with his perfect teeth. He was even cute — that is, if you enjoyed this thing about men with striking eyes, with a face that seemed to have been sculpted by an artist so perfect.

"I'm sorry, your outfit is really funny even more this time of year and I can't contain myself" "Would you think that a Cupid?" I ask through laughter.

"Yes, I'm a Cupid" he says crossing his arms.

"I don't believe" I reply "You are not Cupid here or anywhere in the world" I speak looking into his intense eyes so blue that they were almost violet.

"Why not?" Ask me seriously.

"Because ... love does not exist and if love does not exist, neither do Cupids" I say trying to sound logical.

"Understand. You don't believe in love," he says, looking thoughtful, putting his elegant finger on his sculpted chin.

The guy looked like he came out of a book or a movie because he was too handsome to be a human being. I think.

"How did you guess? Can you read minds?" I spoke sarcastically, noting that I dropped all my coffee on the floor when I hit the "cupid" on that same street, which before was crowded and now did not have a living soul.

"No. But I can see hearts and yours is lonely and bitter" He says looking at the place where the organ is.

"Don't say what you don't know!" I feeling the tears wanting to win me.

"I always speak the truth, Alice."

Jeez! How does he know my name ?!

"Excuse me ... I have more to do" I speak getting up from the floor and turning to go, the more I feel a hand stop me.

"Life is beautiful Alice, in the future, you will regret not giving love a chance."

I rolled my eyes, heard phrases like that several times.

"IT'S OK! Thanks for the beautiful advice" I say mockingly taking his hands abruptly from my arm "I won't waste my time listening to a crazy Valentine's day in a Cupid costume telling me what to do."

"Hey! Your head hard!" shouts looking at the sky seeking patience to answer me "I'm not crazy! I really am a Cupid, believe me ..."

"What if I don't believe it? What will you do?" I raised my eyebrows as a form of irony "You will punish me for eternity or something" I said interrupting the magical being, then I regretted what I had done.

At that very moment, that man in the white suit closed his expression, and a bright light formed around him and his wings jumped out of the suit and he angrily answered me.

OMG! I think I pissed Cupid off!

"You will have exactly 24 hours to complete this list!" Put a paper rolled in my hands with a very serious face and an expression I have never seen.

"Otherwise you will become a lost soul punished for wandering aimlessly forever" he says with a frightened expression "I know you don't want this or .... Do you?"

"No!"