webnovel

Jörmungandr

I knew trying to do a ritual I found online was a terrible fucking idea. I mean what fucking idiot looks at a shady website with hentai ads popping up every thirty seconds and goes; “I bet the spells and rituals on this website are totally legit and will definitely work as advertised. That idiot was me…” -Excerpt from Chp 1 Winding up in the body of Slytherin’s basilisk is about as weird as it sounds. Unfortunately that is Henry’s reality after trying to perform a ritual he finds online. Fortunately he’s the protagonist of a trashy fanfiction, which gives him godly luck, indestructible plot armour, and the limitless potential to bag every redhead babe in the multiverse. Follow him on his journey through different worlds as he avoids his responsibilities, shirks his duties, and ruins timelines just as all things should be. *welcome to the fever dream* WARNINGS: Rated PG-13 for strong language, shitty humour, suggestive themes, and the occasional use of non-PC terms. This is also a fanfic, written by a college dropout who was too lazy to go to school during the RONA. *DO NOT EXPECT JRR TOLKIEN LEVELS OF WRITTEN ART.* PS. I started writing this story with zero direction and absolutely no ‘script’. Some things will definitely get retconned in the later chapters either because I forgot, or I just felt that the story needed the change. PPS. This story has multiple POVs but mainly a 1st person POV centered around the MC. If that is not your cup of tea, no one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to read this you donut. Updates Weekly

Vargr_the_Skald · Anime et bandes dessinées
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32 Chs

Back to School

I calmly walked through the school courtyard with an air of confidence. I had decided to keep the 'Akimitsu' look but updated it a tiny bit. Instead of the waist long hair, I kept it cut to just above my shoulders and neatly swept back. 

I had also deaged myself a bit, I already looked pretty young since I had stopped aging before my mid twenties. Clean shaven I looked barely a day over 18. 

The white school uniform contrasted perfectly with my dark hair and crimson eyes. Yes, I opted to keep my EMS active, with a subtle charm in place to hide the pinwheel pattern. To anyone else looking at me, my eyes were just blood red. 

"Kyaaa! Look at him he's so hot!" 

'Thanks I made this face myself.'

"He must be a prince!" 

'Not really but close enough I guess.'

"No, he's a god, he has to be looking that handsome." 

'Haha, if only you knew faceless fan girl.'

"Wonder if he's single." 

'Definitely not.'

"No way, I can feel it in my ovaries." 

'What?' 

"Kuoh has a new Prince." 

'More like just one… can't really consider a twink a Prince.' 

"Tch… another pretty boy, great… as if getting the girls to notice us wasn't hard enough already." 

"RAIJU GO EXPLODE!" 

'Who the fuck is that guy.' 

Internally smirking, I gave a wink to some of the girls making the squeal as I stepped through the main doors. The fangirling noises and hater sobbing became muffled when the doors swung shut. 

Sticking my hands in my pockets I casually walked down the halls to the principal's office. I could feel the devils influence on the adult staff. It made me a bit angry that they'd go as far as to mind rape a bunch of humans just so they could do whatever they wanted. 

Kicking the door open and making the principal jump in fright I sat down and smiled at the man who looked at me in shock. 

"Listen young man, you can't go barging into my office like th-

"Shhhh…" I shushed the man, he opened his mouth to say something but found that no noise came from his lips. "good, I'll be quick. I'm here to observe the strange denizens that have made this school their base. You can either stay out of my way or be forcibly replaced." 

The man looked panicked, and he didn't respond, prompting me to continue speaking. 

"You won't die, I assure you. I've always had a soft spot for humanity. But keep in mind that should you get in my way, I will turn you into a baby and have you start over again." 

I couldn't be bothered read lips so I let the man speak, "What do you want?" 

"Didn't I already tell you? Supernatural denizens have made this school their home. I'm here to make sure that they don't step out of line, your job from here on out is to leave me alone and stay out of my way." 

"What's stopping me from calling the police?" The man threatened. 

Smirking at the human man, I flexed a micro fraction of my power, "I can simply erase this entire country and start over from scratch, I can atomise you in the blink of an eye and reconstruct you as an inanimate object, do not mistake me BOY, I am far above you and anything you can possibly imagine." 

"W-what are you?" He stuttered out. 

It was clear that he had soiled himself. I gave the man a gentle smile. 

"Torikawa Jin, have you kept true to your faith recently?"

[Scene Break]

Rias Gremory sat up in alarm when she felt a barely concealed shockwave of unadulterated power. It had come from the main building of the school. Specifically the headmasters office. 

She quickly slipped on her shoes and called for Akeno to accompany her as they rushed out of the Occult Research club room. 

"You felt that too right?" 

"How can I not, that was a lot of power being released, more than even your brother." 

"President! What was that!" Kiba came around the corner with a panicked look in his eyes. 

Koneko joined them as they drew closer to the main school building, Rias' entire peerage was ready to fight when they came around the corner to the headmasters office. 

The froze in their tracks when the most handsome boy Rias had ever seen walked out of the office with his hands in his pockets and a wide smile on his face. His crimson eyes met her cool blue and she felt her face flush. 

The crimson eyed boy smiled softly at them before walking past the frozen occult research club. Everyone was too stunned to really do anything so it was a while before Rias realised what had just happened. 

Sona Sitri came running mere seconds later, she gently shook Rias' shoulder with a worried look on her face. 

"Rias? Rias?! Snap out of it, what happened?" 

"I- wh- that, who was that?" 

"Who was what?" Sona asked looking around. 

The Sitri heiress's peerage was going around and pulling Rias' peerage out of their dazed states. 

"There was a boy, he had these really red eyes. I- I think he might have a sacred gear of some kind." Rias said with a little bit more stability. 

"Rias what are you talking about?" Sona asked, her face still twisted in confusion. 

"Talk later Sona, we need to go find that boy." 

Rias ran off followed by her peerage, the reincarnated devils showing their devotion to their king as they followed her despite having been stunned somehow. 

[Scene Break]

'Fuck me Rias really is hot as fuck… thank fuck I have absolute control over my emotions now or I'd have looked like a dork.' 

I kept a steady pace to my assigned home room and took a seat in the main protagonist spot by the corner. I had cracked open the window so I had an easy escape route without having to teleport or resort to blasting a hole through the wall. 

Slowly, students trickled in and I made small talk with whoever approached me while waiting for the teacher. I was sort of enjoying the experience of being in high school again. 

Then again, I hadn't gotten to the main aspects of school yet… the mind numbing classes. 

I felt that I was looking at the whole thing through jaded eyes since I hadn't really enjoyed school in my previous life. I had been too focused on the studying aspect that I neglected to make any real bonds with classmates and friends. 

While everyone stayed connected I could only watch as everyone I had gone to school and grown up with, lived lives that I had wanted for myself. Meanwhile I was stuck in a dead end, the bottom of the pit, the last rung. 

At least, until I had really cocked up that ritual. Then my life became the stuff of fantasy. Magic, gods, beautiful women throwing themselves at me, multiple worlds. 

If I were given the chance to go back and change things, I would refuse. I wouldn't have been on that shady site had I been successful like my previous peers. I wouldn't be the strongest being in all of creation if I hadn't landed myself in a deep dark hole. 

After all, when you're at your lowest… the only way you can go is up. 

I pulled myself from my spiraling thoughts. 'Alright, that's enough depressing introspection. I'm here to enjoy high school like a normal hormonal teen, preferably without looking like a total creep.' 

"Okay class, today we have a new student. Inoue-san please introduce yourself." 

I hummed and stepped up to the front of the class, I hadn't even realised that the teacher had arrived while I was being all emo. 

'Fuck, I hope I don't start acting like Sasuke. That would be embarrassing as all hell.' 

I cleared my throat and smiled at everyone looking at me, the girls looked like they were barely containing their squeals and the boys looked like they were gritting their teeth in anger. 

"Hello everyone, my name is Inoue Akimitsu. I am in your care." I bowed slightly. 

That did it, the girls screamed in excitement, some even had stars in their eyes. The aura around some of the boys was either depressed or ominous. 

"Kyaaa he's a prince!" 

"Come sit by me, my prince!" 

"Marry me Inoue-sama!!!" 

"Nine inches while still limp, very impressive." 

'Hol the fuck up… what?' I sweat dropped at the girl who was glaring holes at my crotch. 

"RAIJU GO EXPLODE!!" 

'Seriously who the fuck is that guy?' 

"Alright settle down everyone!" The teacher called out, "Inoue-san please return to your seat." 

I gave the woman a warm smile, she blushed but immediately concealed it. I walked back to my seat and sat down with a sigh. 

'And we're off.' I mused silently. 

[Scene Break]

Class was… ultimately pretty fun. I actually found myself enjoying playing at being human for a bit. Even though I knew most of the stuff they were teaching already I found amusement in noting the differences in the 'historical' records and what really happened. 

The lunch bell finally ran and I got up but was stopped by a trio of girls, smirking at the three I crossed my arms and took in their appearances. 

"Inoue-san, please come with us." Rias said. 

Still smiling I gave them a tilt of my head indicating that I'd follow them. 

Akeno, Rias, and the smol white haired cat girl led me to the run down building they were using as a club room. Had I been human I'd have either been worried or even aroused at the thought of being led around by three attractive young women. 

'Trying to intimidate me… this should be fun.' 

I stepped into the club room and casually took a seat on the desk. I could feel the annoyance coming off of Akeno and another hidden person who I assumed was the twink knight. 

"Inoue-san…" Rias started, "would you like some tea?" 

"Hmm? Sure, I'd prefer coffee but tea is fine too." 

Akeno walked off to prepare some tea after a visual prompt from Rias. Koneko took a seat on the couch and pulled out a bag of cookies from somewhere

'Huh, must be some sort of special technique that Loli's have. Maybe they're all assigned a pocket dimension at birth specifically for treats?' I tried to make an excuse for the wacky logic of the world I was in. 

Rias observed me while we waited for Akeno to return with the tea, the twink remained hidden and Koneko kept munching on cookies while staring at me. 

"Lively bunch you got here Red." I said with an amused smile. 

Rias giggled behind her hand, "Koneko is just wary around new people." 

'Rather direct… not really beating around the bush. I'm gonna bet that the second the tea gets here she's going to ask about the supernatural.' 

"So, is your little club made up of just attractive women?" 

"We have some male members." She replied with a smile. 

'Two… you have two. Ones a cross dressing Dio Brando trap, and the other is a twink.' I replied mentally. 

"Must be nice having all this dove to yourself, so much room for activities." 

Rias didn't reply, Akeno arrived with the tea and served everyone. As she handed me my tea cup and little platter I saw the opportunity to mess with them a bit.

"Do you know that I can't remember the last time I had a good cup of cha," Akeno smiled at me 'menacingly' as she poured some milk in my tea, "well done." I nodded to her when she was done. 

 I turned back to Rias and brought the cup up slowly to my lips. Concealing my growing smile I slurped at the tea loudly, I smirked behind the cup at the barely concealed rage in Akeno's face. 

Smacking my lips lightly I let out a content sigh and gently put the cup on the platter. The air in the room grew tense and I could tell that the twink was ready to jump out of wherever he was hiding. 

"Inoue-san," Rias started, "do you believe in the supernatural?" 

I put the tea cup down on the table I was sitting on and looked at Rias seriously, "You'll have to be a bit more specific Gremory-san." 

She didn't ask how I knew her name when she hadn't introduced herself. 

"Please, call me Rias." The Gremory Heiress smiled. 

"Sure, only if you call me Akimitsu." 

"Okay then, Akimitsu… what do you think about devils and angels?" 

'Right out with it then.' 

Smiling, I replied, "That depends on who's asking? The Gremory Heiress or Rias, the Japanese school girl?" 

Rias froze, Akeno's magic spiked and Koneko stopped munching. 

"So you know?" Rias asked, her smile having faded. 

"That you guys are devils? Sure…" 

"Why are you here?" Rias asked.

"To observe, maybe enjoy what the school has to offer." 

"Who are you really?" Akeno asked before Rias could say anything. 

I debated on what to say, I could reveal myself as God… the looks on their faces would be priceless. However I wanted to see what they'd do once the whole Issei and Richard thing came around. 

"Merely a wandering wizard of extraordinary skill." I replied with an eye smile. 

"Creepy…" Koneko muttered while looking at me. 

"Hmm? You say something?" 

Rias giggled, "I didn't take you for a Naruto fan." 

'Hmm, so Naruto exists as entertainment media here.' 

"Naruto? Like the topping for ramen?" I played dumb. 

Rias shook her head, "It doesn't matter, if you aren't here to harm anyone then I guess we can let you stay." 

"Sure. If you don't mind me dropping by for some refreshments every other day." 

"Actually, Akimitsu… would you join me-

"Peerage? Absolutely not… I'm not the subservient type. The club on the other hand… I don't see why not. It could be fun." 

Rias sighed in defeat, "I hope I can change your mind one of these days… being a devil isn't so bad." 

I hummed as if thinking about it, "Maybe…" I stood up, "well lunch is about to be over, I better head back to class now."

Rias made to protest, but I smiled, "I'll see you after classes Rias." 

Winking at her I used the Hiraishin and teleported to my marker I had left in an empty stall in a bathroom. The looks of shock on their faces made the somewhat awkward conversation worth it in the end. 

[Scene Break]

"Th- that was not magic." Rias muttered. 

"It looked like lightning…" Akeno looked just as shocked. 

"Looked like the move Naruto's dad uses." Koneko added. 

"Inoue Akimitsu… you continue to grow more mysterious." Rias hummed before giggling, "Maybe he's secretly an Otaku too." 

Akeno and Koneko deadpanned at their club President. The red haired devil heiress seemed to forget that Akimitsu was potentially an enemy, a dangerous one at that.

"Kiba, did you notice anything?" Akeno asked.

Rias' knight stepped out of a hidden room. Shaking his head he replied, "Other than his really aggressive way of drinking tea? Nothing big, but I'm sure I feel holy magic coming from him." 

The blond knight grit his teeth in anger, he and friends had almost lost their lives to the church. They were saved by an unknown woman but the woman left before Kiba could thank her. 

While he didn't hate the church outright, he also didn't exactly like the fact that the supposed 'Holy' and 'good' faction was about to experiment on him and his friends. He had joined Rias for the potential chance that he could get some answers. 

Rias sighed when she saw the conflicted look in Kiba's face. She thought about the new student, and hoped that he would change his mind. Even though he was concealing his power she could tell he was strong. 

'Maybe with Akimitsu as a bishop or a knight, I can get out of this engagement with Riser through a rating game.' The Gremory heiress thought to herself. 

Akeno clenched her fist, she didn't like how casual and informal Akimitsu had been with everyone. She hated the fact that they couldn't intimidate the new student. She silently hoped for a chance to confront Akimitsu so that she could teach him a lesson. 

Especially with how he loudly slurped at his tea, it made the simple action feel almost threatening to the half fallen, half devil Queen. 

Koneko didn't think about the new student much, though she did get the scent of multiple girls coming from Akimitsu. 

'Pervert, handsome pervert.' The Nekomata thought while munching on her cookies. 

[Scene Break]

I turned myself invisible and watched the perverted trio stalk the girls back to the locker room before dashing outside to get to their peeping spot by the windows. I frowned in disgust at their display. 

'This part always bothered me when this was just a show. Obviously the devils manipulate the adults so that they don't do anything, but what about the other girls. Do they not tell anyone about the three creeps constantly peeking on them?' 

Jiraya was bad enough in the Narutoverse, openly admitting to peeking and being a 'super pervert' as the toad sage called it. Jiray got caught 99% of the time though, and he took his beatings like a man. 

These three run off the second they're about to get caught, or they just never get caught. 

'That's some bullshit right there, not on my watch.' 

I wandlessly cast a stinging hex at the bald perverts ass. He yelped in pain alerting the girls in the locker room. Before they could run off I sent three paralysis curses on them and smirked when the kendo club came out and spotted them. 

'Sorry boys… no perving while I'm around.' 

I quietly teleported away just as the perverted trio got jumped by the kendo club. 

I appeared in Heaven and retook my original form. Kushina greeted me with Himari in her arms. Thalia was there too, standing awkwardly next to Kushina. 

"Hey guys," I gave each of them a gentle peck on the lips, "what's going on?" 

"What? We can't greet you when you show up?" Kushina sled with a smile. 

"Sure you can, I'm just not used to people greeting me is all." 

Kushina smiled, "Well you better get used to it 'tebanne, I'm your wife and I'll be damned if I don't greet you when you come home." 

I kissed her deeply in response, Thalia coughed after a few seconds. 

"Right… sorry bout that Thals, what's up?" 

"I wanted to go visit Camp Halfblood. I want to tell Annie the news." 

"Sure, we can all go take a trip. I'm thinking of sending Little Himari there when she grows up a bit so she can hang out with people her age." 

"What's this camp Aki-Koi." Kushina asked. 

"It's a camp for demigods, their godly parents send them there so they don't have to bother raising them." 

Kushina got angry at that, "What kind of parent abandons their child like that?" 

"The shitty kind obviously, no offense Thalia." 

Thalia shook her head, "None taken, Zeus is a terrible dad and an even worse god. I'm glad I left and renounced his name."

"Shall I go exterminate them?" Kaguya emerged from Kushina's shadow. 

I shook my head, "No, I've already taught them their lesson. Though when we go visit we can take a look and see if that lesson stuck or if we need to have remedial lessons." 

"Understood." Kaguya sunk back into Kushina's shadow. 

Remembering that she also held a chakra beast in her I looked at Kushina and asked her;

"How's Kurama by the way? I almost forgot about her since we got here." 

"She's fine… she says she wants to gouge out your eyes though." Kushina smiled. 

Chuckling I turned to Thalia to explain, "Kushina here holds the- 

"Kyuubi. I know." Thalia nodded. 

"Ho-

"I read the Manga." Thalia easily replied. 

"Manga?" Kushina asked. 

'Ah shit… here we go.' 

"Yeah, I kinda forgot to mention it since I was so busy with my unexpected situation, but your life is really popular here. There's a manga covering pretty much most of your life. Except my baby daddy over here decided to change things." Thalia explained. 

Kushina looked to me for an explanation, "Right… let's go to camp first then we can talk about my blatant disregard for fate." 

—————————————————

Omake: Rias' Tsukiyomi Nightmare

"U-Uchiha-san… please come forward and introduce yourself." 

Everyone gasped as a young man who looked exactly like a character they were all familiar with stepped to the front of the room. 

"Pleased to meet you all, my name is Uchiha Akimitsu." 

"Uchiha?!" 

Everyone gasped when they saw the young man's eyes shift and spin into a familiar pattern. 

"Kyaaa it's not cosplay!" 

"No way! He's really an- 

"Silence." The new student spoke softly but everyone heard him and became quiet. 

"A-ano… Uchiha-san? How did you get here?" 

"Are your from another planet?" 

"Did the government experiment on you?" 

"Are you the last of your clan?" 

"Kyaaa let me have your babies Uchiha-sama!!" 

Rias pondered for a moment at the back of the room. She knew that it was highly unlikely that this young man was truly an Uchiha. Perhaps he was some sort of powerful illusionist. 

Rias met the 'Uchiha's' eyes and immediately regretted it as she felt a pulse in her system. She blinked and suddenly her surroundings had changed. 

Looking around frantically Rias got up from her chair and ran around the red tinted world. She made a ball of destruction magic and threw it hoping to shatter whatever she was trapped in only it didn't work. 

"That's not going to work little devil." A voice echoed around her. 

Panicking a little Rias opened her wings and tried to fly, only to find that she was now chained to a bed with fuzzy handcuffs. Blushing lightly she struggled against her bonds. 

Akimitsu appeared in front of her holding a book she was familiar with. She began to panic when he started reading out loud. It was a chapter she hadn't gotten to yet. Akimitsu was spoiling the book for her. 

Rias struggled harder, unfortunately the fuzzy handcuffs were unbreakable even with her enhanced strength. 

"Please! Akimitsu-san, don't. I want to read that myself in my own time!" 

"Hmm? That's too bad… the next part goes…"

Rias screamed trying to drown out his voice. Alas, his voice came from every corner of the world. Even from directly in her head. 

"Please no!!!" 

"Only 73 hours 59 minutes and 59 seconds left Rias… we have a lot of Mangas to get through so I hope you're comfortable." 

Rias screamed.