Parliamentary Palaver

"IT IS EVIL! It is against our cultural values and against the norm that is endemic to the entire human race!" Hon. Kudu Mohammad spoke first after Hon. Kalu Mikobia had seconded the motion that was proposed by Hon. Kayode Majekodunmi.

"Mr. Speaker, I agree with my Honourable friend that it is evil, but I must add that it is perverted, unnatural, ungodly, unheard-of and unbecoming," Hon. Ailen Okoh said as he stood. "We will not stoop so low as to welcome this evil thing, never!" Then Hon. Nosa Omokaro was called upon to air his view. He stood and indeed gave air to his view.

"It is something unthinkable on our part to submit to. They say we are black monkeys yet they want us to submit to what even monkeys cannot do, something they totally abhor! Fine, permit me to say that we are monkeys, then that makes us the origin of the entire human race if we are to go by evolution. We are Homo sapiens and they are homosexuals; and at that they are no better than dogs, yes dogs they are. If they can stoop so low as to do what dogs do, then they are not better nor holier than dogs!"

"If they must sanction us let them sanction us! If they will stop aiding us health-wise, let them stop! Giving this evil thing a warm embrace is tantamount to extincting the whole human race. Where would children come from? Who would give birth to them? Would they drop from the heavens above? It is unimaginable! The continuance of the human race as we all know depends upon love and mating. Nature has contrived with marvellous ingenuity that her children shall be attracted one to the other, man to woman and woman to man, for the purpose of generating new beings. Falling in love is a natural, everyday occurrence, so common that we are apt to forget all it implies in the scheme of nature, and its stupendous influence upon the individual, the group, the nation, and the race. Such relationship must be between a man and a woman not between a man and a man or a woman and a woman or even between a man and a beast as is obtainable today," Hon. Linda Akoehule posited. Then there was a counter statement by the proposer of the motion, Hon.KayodeMajekodunmi.

"Mr. Speaker and my Honourable Parliamentarians, I think we have all spoken well on this issue. Nevertheless, we must look at the benefits derivable in terms of population control, resource management and fewer dependents. I think we will benefit a lot as a nation if we pass this pending bill into law. This is not something to be sentimental about; rather we should look at the other side of it and also consider the sexual inclinations of others. I am…..." before he could utter his last words, some parliamentarians shouted abuses at him asking him to take his seat.

"Are you one of them?" a representative asked. "Maybe he belongs to a group of sexual perverts. But I want to assure you that the chief perpetrators of this evil will not succeed. In short, it will not scale through this first reading and it will surely turn out to be a boomerang….." What he next saw and heard was a punch in the face. The two Honourable members of the house threw caution to the wind and soon began to fight on national television, making themselves a public spectacle. They were separated after each had sustained injuries. Thereafter, sitting for that day was to resume thirty minutes after. The house nevertheless continued quite rowdy as some members of the house were still discussing the bill and the fight that ensued thereof. In the meanwhile, the injured parliamentarians were taken to a nearby hospital for treatment. The injuries they sustained were a warning sign that they should never resort to violence especially when important matters were at stake. As often said, there is no gain in arrogance. When sitting finally resumed, the first member of the house to speak up against the motion was Barr. Eromosele Odegua 'the Grammarian,' as he was fondly called by members of the house in particular and by television viewers in general. He was also well known for his devoutness. In his traditional attire, he stood and spoke, motioning with his hands. His speech was long and he said the words in quick succession.

"Mr. Speaker, let me say wiki wiki, that is, very quickly in the Hawaiian tongue, that the Mephistophelian spirit of moral complacency or if put differently, the morally animalistic tendency that has enveloped the lives of people the world over, has all the trappings of a morally odoriferous saga, how regrettable! And I am maniacally bemused that this demonic and distorted flashpoint is of no serious concern to religious dramatis personae in particular and to right thinking persons in general. This is because, all the animalistic flashpoints of immorality that have snowballed and transmogrified into bringing about a calamitous and disastrous outcome for many spiritually speaking, always had their origo, their origin I mean either in one sexual deviation or the other. For my part, as far as I am concerned, I can see the ship of this world around the Bermuda triangle of morality;and if we do not take very urgent and responsible steps to meander through eschewable cataracts, rapids, waterfalls, eddies, icebergs and oxbow lakes, the ship of this world just now has the capacity, possibility and eventuality of sinking in toto in the quagmire of moral decadence. Let me say, let me say, that the critical history and historiography of the study of the moral decline of this world as epitomized by sexual perverts in the defunct cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, did not commence with those animalistic tendencies. Rather, it commenced strictly speaking, when some ungrateful angelic sons of the omniscient God became dissatisfied with their favoured positions in heaven, and came down to the earth to seek what did not belong to them; which venture eventually secured them a niche in the biblical Tartarus.

"As of now, the putrefying moral condition of this world is crystal clear like thebiblical MENE, MENE, TEKEL and UPHARSIN. It is a clear handwriting on the wall!It is audible to the deaf and visible to the blind; and in any case no less religious adherents than some confused ecclesiastics themselves have often been caught in the perverted and ungodly acts. We know so, that extreme immorality and deviation from what is normal and natural is the sole origin of the doleful spiritual condition of many in today's world. Hence, I urge religious and political dramatis personae to do the right and acceptable thing, lest the wrath of God comes upon them and they meet their waterloo! At this juncture, I must say that this motion leaves me with just two conclusions. One: that the religious and political terrains of this world are ineluctably laden with a pandemonic revolution. And two: whereas some religious adherents keep going about preaching that what we have is a divinely accredited religious dispensation, at recent events I am even under pressure to say no, no, no, no, no! Rather, an extremely large chunk of what we have as a religious dispensation is actually a conglomeration of members of the lunatic fringe heading for spiritual disaster. Is it within the spirituality context or is it within the morality context, where humans now prefer members of their own sex and even animals as sexual partners? I am sure Almighty God will not wait till humans start marrying mosquitoes and flies; in that case, he would have to apologize to the sexual perverts of Sodom and Gomorrah who are resting in their eternal graves. If within the current microscopic dispensation of ecclesiastics, some can still not adjudge the tenets of morality, I think something is wrong somewhere. There must be a problem lurking somewhere, you will agree." As he took his seat, members of the house who had been laughing all along immediately broke into another rapturous and thunderous round of laughter. Barr. Peter Odegua was highly regarded for his use of high-sounding vocabulary. The Speaker of the house could not help but laugh as well until he finally called the house to order.

"Order!Order!Order in the house! One last comment on this motion please, so that we can proceed with other matters." Then he called upon Hon.Ogaga Jimmy Ogagato air his view.

"Mr. Speaker, if we are to shift focus from economic development and spiritual development to human development, health wise this perverted act is totally dangerous. Medical experts have found that the HIV and Ebola Viruses are spread by the exchange of body fluids, particularly blood and semen; and the sexual practices of homosexuals make them particularly susceptible. As we may know, after HIV/AIDS was first discovered in the U.S. in 1981, some years later in 1986, over 70% of HIV/AIDS victims in the same country were male homosexuals, causing some to call AIDS a gay disease. My point is this: unnatural sexual practices like homosexuality are deleterious to human health and that is the exact opposite of what development is all about! A columnist from the U.S. once said that the sudden explosion of AIDS may also prompt society to reexamine its values, which have been going downhill faster than a runaway express. Here we have values and we must stick to those values; one of such values being our acceptance of what is normal and natural. If the act is not normal the actors are not normal as well; homosexuality is not normal and so homosexuals are not normal. It is a disgraceful and lugubrious deviation from what God decreed in the Garden of Eden when he formed the first human pair. God told them to be fruitful and to multiply and to fill the whole earth. Homosexuality and procreation can never be reconciled. Maybe it's just globalization; globalization, globalization, globalization! Must we be globalized into everything, the good, the bad and the terrible? Why should we be carried here and there by every wind of action? That is a rhetorical question." The speaker of the house then made a remark.

"Honourable members of the house, I think we have all spoken well on this issue. Nevertheless, we should not allow sentiments to becloud our sense of morality. What is natural is natural and what is right is right; there are no two ways about it. How can a priest wed two males and say that is the most novel of all the things he has done in his entire life? I think that is something stupid for a priest to say. If a priest weds a man and a woman it is called holy matrimony, but if a priest should wed a man and another man or a woman and another woman or even a man and a beast, I wonder what it will be called; obviously dirty, filthy, unnatural or unholy matrimony. And the amusing thing is that this evil only embodies humanity's downward spiral. In short, for me it's something that must be nipped in the bud before it turns out to be an abysmal injury to all in the long run. At this point, nevertheless, those in favour of the motion say aye!"

"Aye!" Two members of the house responded affirmatively.

"And those against the motion please say nay!"

"Nay!" All but four of those in attendance responded resoundingly in the negative.

"The nays have it!" the speaker said as he used the gavel. "The bill for the approval of same sex marriage is hereby rejected and plenary adjourned till the 24th day of this month." Then the house rose while the mace-bearer bore the mace ahead of the speaker of the house.

* * *

Mr. Jeremiah Oyekanmi lay on his couch. He was a learned and well-heeled man in his late fifties who had several irons in the fire. He had just watched with keen interest, the protracted discussion in the lower house of the national assembly on the same sex marriage proposal which had generated a heated dispute, was rejected by the majority of the house and did not scale through to the second reading.

"Where are we heading?" he mused to himself. "This world is gradually becoming an unsafe place. Why must we return to the sad old days, to the days of sodomy and homosexual perversion as exemplified by inhabitants of the defunct cities of Sodom and Gomorrah? If we accept this sexual perversion then we'll be opening a real Pandora's Box!"

After a while of pondering the negativities of the supposed sexual deviation, he fell asleep on his couch and was soon dreaming about Elysium. At the time, many homosexuals and genderqueers were still in the closet.