I (really) Am The Eggman (Sonic IDW Self Insert)

<div id="i4c-draggable-container" style="position: fixed; z-index: 1499; width: 0px; height: 0px;"><div data-reactroot="" class="resolved" style="all: initial;"></div></div>When I woke up on Mobius, I found myself 'incarcerated' in a simple 'cell'. I call it a 'cell' because it was just a storehouse, and I say 'incarcerated' because whoever thought that a mere barricaded door would stop me from getting out didn't take in account what I could do to escape. I could use my intellect and the tools around me to build a device that would open the door for me, I could concoct a dangerous acidic agent that would melt the lock, I could even just lockpick with some sticks!

Or just force my way out by kicking the door open. I mean, most buildings in Mobius were made for beings that would see someone a bit over seven feet tall a real giant, and don't let Eggman's-my skinny arms and legs fool you, I'm fast enough to match Sonic for a few seconds, and strong enough to do the same with Knuckles.

I was in a forest village, it was approximately noon, and everyone was doing their business: working, walking, talking and laughing with each other, drinking tea, whatever small humanoid animals did. The tea drinking was done by, of course, Vanilla the Rabbit, known by most as the mother of Cream the Rabbit. Why am I telling you this, and focusing so much on her? Two things:

-One: not enough shipping of her and Doom Slayer. She's an anthropomorphic, kind bunny woman, he's a badass space marine who kills demons mostly because they mess with humanity, partly because they killed his rabbit and put her head on a spike. Do the math.

-Two: she was the first to see me. Yes, somehow they all missed a 6.1 foot man breaking out of confinement, at least at first.

-Three: she was quite literally at the other side of the street, which being in a village meant we were separated only by fifteen feet.

We stared at each other for a good counted ten seconds, Vanilla with growing shock and horror, me with confusion. The cat she had been talking too had realized that her friend had stopped talking and looking behind her, and turned to see me there. Rinse and repeat and a minute later, the entire village was staring at me in frozen horror. You know, kinda like that scene in the War of the Worlds were Tom Cruise and that annoying little girl and the dumbass teenager were the only ones of a crowd of thousands to see the tripod climbing a hill despite it being the size of small skyscraper, and even then I didn't step on a tree.

"Uh, hi." I said, trying to be as non-threatening as I could be. In hindsight, maybe staying quiet and waiting for them to act would have been better.

"H-he's awake, HE'S AWAAAKE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" A woodchuck screamed at the top of his lungs before all hell was set loose. The adults screamed, the children cried, everyone was running around yet few thought of getting inside their homes for shelter.

A crowd quickly formed up in front of me, a robot with black armor, blue optics and a starfish-shaped crest on its forehead with blue crystals at its head, rocket heads visible on its chest. Many of the villagers on the crowd had 'weapons' (read: farming tools), ready to defend themselves and their loved ones, but it was clear by the terrified expressions of most of them they didn't believe they could actually hurt me. The robot, on the other hand, would had definitely killed me if it had the chance, because even though it had no face to speak of I could recognize its anger at me, and not just because as a former scientist I can discern that kind of things, it really frowned at me somehow. Why hadn't it fired at me already, I did't know.

No, wait, there was a reason: Vanilla and Cream (where had she been) had somehow ended up between us. If it fired they would be caught in the explosion radius, and something told me that it wasn't just unwillingness on causing collateral damage what stopped it.

Seeing them so terrified of me (both the militia wannabe and the rabbits), and wanting to defuse the situation peacefully, I did the only thing I could do at the moment.

"Good day." I said with a small wave and a sheepish smile. Really, Julian? Or Ivo? Or Ovi. Yeah, I think I'm Ivo.

On the plus side, they scream and run again, which given the situation was a plus. On the minus side, seeing Eggman act like that still freaked them out.

Vanilla, being the closest to me, put Cream behind her and looked up at me. "Good day?" She repeated in an incredulous tone. "That's all you have to say?"

"Sorry, I know I'm Eggman and all that... but what did I do?" I asked in the most sincere tone I could muster, which wasn't difficult. "I really, really don't remember much."

"You... you don't remember?" Vanilla asked, this time with less fear in her voice, but now with confusion. I couldn't blame her. Eggman, the most dangerous villain that ever lived, and who was standing right in front of you, suddenly becomes (relatively) good and and claims of suffering of amnesia to some degree? Who would believe it?

"Well, a few things there and there, like my name, my incredible intelligence, that Sonic is a blue hedgehog faster than a jet, and that I'm supposedly a villain, but aside from that nada." I wasn't completely lying either, I really didn't know about what happened in Sonic Forces, and little more than the basic plot of the comic. "So, can I know why was I inside a storehouse?"

Vanilla looked behind at the villagers, then back at me.

"Well..." She began to say. "Yesterday you landed in our village and we locked you up immediatly. We were surprised you survived the fall."

"Mmm... That might explain it, but tell me, when was the last time Sonic kicked my butt?"

"I think it happened over a month ago, more or less. After that you vanished and, well, that's it."

"Interesting."

"He's lying!" Whispered a chipmunk with a shovel, apparently thinking that I wouldn't hear him."

"If he's lying, he has to be the best liar in the world, because that seemed too sincere to me."

While they spoke among themselves, I stroked my chin, using my new yet still great intellect to plan ahead.

From then on, I had eight objectives to achieve:

1) Lose weight, and maybe even get fit, and not fit in the sense of 'broad shoulders, thin belly' of Boom, nor 'mass of pure muscles', but . I mean, being stupidly muscular is nice, but I don't think it would befit me for some reason. Instead, I'll try to get the Heavy body type: with a gut of having eaten nothing but sandviches, raw steaks, soviet chocolate bars and bear meat for five years, but clearly muscular. Of course, I would no longer be Eggman if I don't look like an egg.

2) Build a theme park the size of Parque Warner Madrid, for two reasons: A) Because I think that's Eggman's real lifegoal, and B) Because I can. That said, it wouldn't be based around me. I mean, that'd be cliche.

3) Either win the hearts and minds of the people legitimately by doing random acts of good. If not, get them to at least accept that I'm no longer a villain and want to be at peace. This would be linked to the above, but I think can accomplish both separately.

4) Try to stop the zombie apocalypse. Not just because it IS the right thing to do because I unleashed it, but also because I'm pretty damn sure that even if I manage to be loved and respected by everyone, their love and respect will go to the crapper once they start turning into technozombies.

5) Try to make Sonic see me as a friend. That's the best way to show that I really want to leave my old life behind.

6) Grow hair if I can. If not, wear a hat.

7) Profit!

8) Say Pingas and trademark the word.

Of course, the 'winning hearts and minds' will only work if they believe I deserve a chance to be forgiven at all. If not, well, there's always the Shrek way, living alone and in some god-forsaken place so that no one will bother me. Thing is, while I love my privacy, I'm scared shitless of being completely alone, mostly because I'm unashamedly afraid of the dark, and knowing that people are near me softens it.

It has nothing to do with having seen Jeepers Creepers when young, no siree.

And I was pretty sure no one would get what Pingas meant.

Seeing that I most of those couldn't get started right then and there, I did the most logical and easire to accomplish of my goals.

I did the first page of Darebee exercises without machines or dumbbells.

Hey, I couldn't just say Pingas in front of a lady and her daughter! Now I had standards, standards that I would keep!

"Dr. Eggman?" It was Cream speaking for the first time.

"Yes?"

"Why are you... doing push-ups?"

"Because I want to get strong, that's why."

<div id="i4c-dialogs-container"></div>