Prologue

As I scroll down my phone and see the different things my friends, classmates, and people my age have achieved, I remember vividly this particular scene in 6th grade. It wasn't a busy day as graduation was coming, so we mostly had free time in all other subjects, except our adviser's. He was a smart man; he graduated from the top university in the country, or so I heard. Whenever we would get a failing score, he would joke about it being the department's mistake, and if we got a high score, he would immensely praise us.

He sat us all down and told us in a serious tone.

"What do you guys want to be when you grow up?"

I was 11 at the time, and my biggest worry was not getting to watch this show on TV. It never really occurred to me that I'd have to work someday. But I have enough time before that; I just like to have fun. I'll worry about it when I have to worry about it or so i told myself.

Everyone raises their hands to answer him. Maybe because they like the teacher and would try to get an answer he would praise. But I guess I never expected serious answers from them.

"A scientist! I want to invent something cool," the smartest student said. an obvious choice that got the class cheering for him. He was a popular student with good grades and great parents. I bet he'll make it.

"A- a doctor!" exclaimed a female student. She wasn't particularly good in any subjects. But who am I to judge other's desire? She is always the first to assist the teachers which has earned her their favour, while also earning her the hatred of the majority of the school.

The room was filled with naive admiration for each dream: dreams of being an astronaut, a lawyer, or whatever high-ranking job they could think of. others just want to be popular, rich, or help their parents when they get older.

I along with the minority of my classmates, couldn't answer: perhaps I wanna be a regular salary man like my father, or maybe I just wanna stay at home all day without having to work. All I could do at the time was clap and cheer for their desires.

"Settle down everyone,

Those are big dreams you guys have," the teacher said, striking a smile while nodding.

But what if you couldn't achieve that dream? What if, for some reason, you lack the ability to get it?"

With those few sentences, the loud noise in the room died away, leaving the class silent. For a few seconds, we couldn't think of anything to answer the question.

I heard whispers in my back saying:

"I'll just keep going forward."

"That's a stupid idea.

Why would you keep going for it if you're not good at it?'

More whispers and thoughts spread around the room until the teacher had to finally cut through it and give us the answer.

"You see, when I was young, I also wanted to be a famous scientist inventing a groundbreaking machine, a doctor that saved millions of lives, or a singer standing in front of a gigantic crowd," the teacher said while gesturing his hand in each example.

But I couldn't."

He grabbed a chalk to write something on the board, the word "talent." and some other figures and shapes that I couldn't make out because I was near the back of the class.

"I lack the talent for each one of those; I can't sing nor handle chemicals well.

That's why I never tried to pursue any of those dreams."

The look on our teacher's face as he prepares for what he is about to say next is terrifying; he drops the chalk on the table and stares at the class.

"But you see, some people are innately good at that something from the very start. They were naturally good at speaking, naturally good at math. because they were given the talents for it.

Now if you were someone looking for, umm…" The teacher said, thinking of an appropriate word to say.

An artist to draw for you, you'd obviously want to pick the best one right?, not who needed the job more, or who's the tallest, but who's the best artist among them?" He pointed at the shapes and figures that now looked vaguely human.

That's why I couldn't be one of those people, I wasn't chosen to be them, as the only thing I and most other people can do is work hard. I didn't have the raw talents others possess, so I was passed by quickly.

Though that's not to say I hate my job, you guys are the highlight of my day.

I'm telling you this for you to realize something: either you do have the talent for your dreams, or you have to face a long, arduous path of failures to get close to it."

The class was left stunned by what the teacher said. The atmosphere in the room got heavy, and no one could say anything.

What do I have? I said to myself back then. All I could say was, "I don't know." Time? Friends? What is it?

Before I could think too hard about it, the school bell rang. The teacher, trying to lift our spirits, said

"Aw, and I was going to give you guys homework."

The class laughed, and the heavy atmosphere was lifted, yet the effects of his words were still there.

What if i-"Benny! The food, the food!" yelled my father from across the table.

I turn to look and see Charlie, my cat, nibbling on my meal beside the table. I quickly tried to get him off, but he managed to grab a piece and run with a chuckling meow. Damn cat

"Come back here!" i said

"Don't chase after him," my father said, holding back his laughter.

"What were you even thinking about to get you that spaced out?"

"It was nothing," I answered.

I continued eating the bitten meat on my plate, obviously separating the bite mark from the rest of the meal. I'm not going to feed that cat tonight; he's already too big for his own good. But my father love to spoil that cat. As such, charlie likes my father's side more than me. damn fat cat

After dinner, my teacher's words still stuck with me even now 6 years later. Still in the same position, just at a different time, a senior student graduating in a few months, still unsure of what he wants to be. Seeing what other people had achieved and the memories they made of their high school years made me feel bitter, even envious.

I thought we all lived the same lives, just why are theirs so different? It's best not to think too much into it, maybe I'm letting my Cynism talk too much.

Hearing me talk to myself probably sounds too depressing, maybe that kind of life isn't cut out for me. I barely go outside, and I don't like having too much attention on me; most of the things I enjoy are niche hobbies that only my two friends are interested in. But I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't trade anything to live a more interesting life.

For now, I'm just one of those people who needs to work hard for their dreams. I suppose I can live with that, with my mundane, average life. At the very least, it's something.