Demon Lord Handbook for Newbies

I am in a beach paradise, or so it seemed. The water seems to be real since I already drank some earlier and the sand on my feet feels authentic although I don't know what fake sand should feel like, however, the surrounding background looks like a well made painting.

At first I was sure I was just dreaming since it was very long time when I went of the house. Maybe this is one way my brain is telling me, "Get out of the damn house shit for brains, have a life!", you know or something like that. Anyways, I closed my eyes hoping to wake up afterwards. That never happened!

Lying on the sand and waiting what the hell is going on, I was planning the essential things I have to do for today. What's for breakfast? Since it's the weekend, do I do the laundry or play games? And the most important question that I ask myself every single day, when will I start getting someone to love me back? The answer to that question is a mystery.

"Devon Lurpple".

Out of nowhere, I heard a clear majestic voice inside my head.

"God?" I whispered.

"No. Are you high? Get up already and come here." the voice replied. The voice is almost familiar to me. I got up and saw a doorway magically appear. With hesitation, I walked towards the magic door.

The moment I stepped in, the scenery changed from a beach paradise to a courtroom. There was no one else inside except myself and the 'Judge' who was waiting for me to come closer.

"Thank you so much for waiting. In association with Higher and Lower Management, we have thoroughly investigated Mr. Devon Lurpple's untimely demise and found out it was a result of an unlikely negligence by a death agent."

I suddenly remembered why the voice sounded so familiar, it was the awesome voice overs from one of those game trailers.

"Are you listening boy?" the 'Judge' asked while leaning forward.

"I am so sorry, you said demise? I am dead? Wait, how did I die? And where am I exactly?" I asked politely.

"Sigh, well technically you are totally dead from your mortal world's standpoint. Right now, you are on Middle Management which is Purgatory or the Space between Heaven and Hell. One of our Reapers mistakenly pulled you out of your mortal world instead of reaping a being on another world. It is caused by a typographical error on the reports handed out. Since there many worlds, mistakes like these tend to happen from time to time. Needless to say, the entity responsible is fired on the spot... literally."

The 'Judge' gave me an assuring and sincere smiled with which I replied 'Are you kidding me?' expression.

"Okay, if it's a mistake from your part, then can I go back like right now? There is a game I bought yesterday that I really wanna try so bad. You don't know how much I saved for that."

"About that... uhm... there is a bit of a huge complication. The manner with which you died, we can't fix it." The 'Judge' brought out a piece of paper and gave it to me.

It was a report of the details of how I died. It said there that I died saving a person from a hand grenade, totally blasting my body to pieces. I can't even recall going out of the house. Apparently, I have been dead for almost two weeks now.

"Since your death is an invalid event, we erased the moments you experienced. It's a policy thing. In addition, we can't start your trial on which we decide whether to send you to Higher or Lower Management since technically you are not supposed to be dead yet."

"So what will happen to me?"

"Don't worry we have contingencies to this kind of situation. Usually we receive these kind of cases one time every millennia or two but with our Creator still advocating freewill policy and the Lord of Hell taking a vacation, we created a way to satisfy complaints."

The 'Judge' stepped down from his place and presented to me two brief cases, a red and a blue one.

"You have two choices. The blue brief case on my left includes the estimated time that you are supposed to be alive on your world based on your daily routine and also some our systematic factors. If you choose the blue one, you will be spending your days on a room that we will specifically design and upgrade to your specifications. We have listed some popular choices including a library of every known book ever written if you want that or the latest gaming and surfing equipment ever created on all worlds. The problem is that you can enjoy all of these in solitude and with no food since you don't need it."

"No food? Are you crazy?" I was totally enraged. If there is one thing that I love more than gaming, then eating will be on top of the least. I am down when it comes just playing solo but with no food, it will not be perfect.

"I am sorry, it's a policy thing. Anyway, further details are inside."

"Nope, not having that." I rejected the offer with no hesitation.

"The red case contains the details of the entity that should have been dead instead of you. I already sent an agent to get his soul for trial. This gives you an opportunity to continue his life which is only fair due to identity error. Choosing the red case comes with a care package as a freebie. Just a reminder, we can only guarantee three days of life guard. It means that you will not die in three days whatever happens but after that will be on your hands. Further details will be discussed upon selection."

"Your Honor, you are more like a salesman than a judge."

"It comes with job kid. Don't hate the player, hate the game".