Chapter 22: The Star and Quartz Guide of How Not to Travel Through Time

Summary: First rule of time travel ... don't!

"Pearl." Ste-... Quartz argued. "Is the collar really necessary?" He asked, pointing at the leash she insisted on putting on Star.

"If you touch the wrong one, this whole place caves in. Do you really trust your sister to not just pick up the first thing she sees?" Pearl knew she won the argument when Quartz didn't even offer a counterpoint in his sister's favor.

"Let me hold on to it at least." He relented, grabbing onto the piece of leather. "Sorry Star, Pearl's usually not this demeaning during missions, at least to me." 

"It's fine, bro, just get it over with. I mean, just how long is this going to take?" They warped into the Sea Shrine, filled with many varieties and structures of hourglasses. "... You sure-"

"It takes 100 years every try Star." Pearl spoke. "I didn't bring Amethyst with us specifically because she tripped the last three."

"And if the wrong one is chosen, the whole place will flood and won't be empty for another hundred." Ruby reiterated for them. "So if you like to keep breathing, I suggest you keep any touching limited to yourselves or each other."

"Man, you are all so moody." The Butterfly princess rolled her eyes. "All this for something you can probably buy at any normal earth store."

"Actually the hourglass we're looking for was created when one of Skywyne's first spells went array, creating a time travel device."

"SKYWYNE MADE IT!?" The two's eyes lit up in excitement, literal stars being formed inside of their pupils. "The awesome Queen that accomplished so much with the Rose Guard in just one day!?"

"The very same one." Pearl confirmed. While she had some…issues with the Butterfly family overall, she could admit Skywyne was impressive for an organic, actually feeling like she had Rose's genuine respect rather than mild amusement. "While the object has its own self generation of magic, it's unstable, causing alternate timelines and various problems with the space time continuum."

"So Skywyne…made a time machine that doesn't require the wand!?" Fireworks formed on those cheekmarks. "What are we waiting for! Let's find that baby!?"

"Steven the leash, the leash!" Ruby called out to the boy.

"My name is Quartz!" Steven nonetheless pulled his sister back. "So where is it? What does it look like?" Steven's attention was drawn to a particularly small one contained within an orb.

"That's the problem, to help hide it away our memories of it were erased. We have no idea what it looks like or how to find it out of all of these." Pearl spoke. "All we can do is take careful and observative notes."

"I still say it's the biggest one here." Ruby pointed to the one that almost reached to the roof of the spire. "Just give me half an hour or so, I can put on the warp pad no problem."

"It's not based on size, that doesn't matter to magic, clearly elegance is where it's at." She pointed to a moderately sized one, with gold furnishing and a vine like structure wrapping around it.

"Or it can be the weirdest looking one because that's the last one people would expect!" Star pointed to an impractical looking hourglass that was misshapen with multiple superfluous vials that almost defeated the purpose of an hourglass to begin with.

"Oh, for star's sake Star, keep your hands to yourself for just a second!" Pearl, annoyed with the girl's antics, pulled the girl back herself."

"Hey, now that princess stuff is on the line, I know not to touch any-" There was the shattering of glass, all heads turning to Steven, who was staring at a broken hourglass on the floor and the wall.

"… I thought I saw some writing to read …" In looking after one troublesome child, they completely overlooked the naivety of the other.

"No time to dwell on it, this place is about to flood!" Ruby called out to everyone on the warp. "Everyone on the pad now! That means you too, Steven!"

"My name is Quartz!" The boy shouted back, grabbing another hourglass on the counter. "And since this place is flooding anyways, I'm grabbing the one I want!"

"That's right bro, take advantage of incoming doom however you can!" That was not a lesson her baby needed to be taking to heart!

"Come on, come on, hustle, hustle, hustle!" Ruby called out to Rose's son, who almost tripped several times trying to keep ahead of the water.

"Don't worry, I'm good! And I didn't leave empty handed!" Steven showed off the tiny hourglass, the most insignificant one out of all the hourglasses that could've been taken.

"Aw…so adorable." Star oohed as Ruby activated the warp before the water could drown any of them. Once they were back the princess rang out her own hair. "That wasn't so bad, right Pearl?"

"One hundred more years …" Pearl muttered. "One hundred more years …" She began laughing. "One hundred more years …"

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"Do you think we messed up that badly today?" Quartz asked his sister when they finally made their way to the Diaz house. "Pearl didn't stop laughing and we could hear her even when we got off the beach." The mirror told him not to trust the crystal gems, but he didn't want to make them feel bad, even if they kept getting his name wrong.

"Nah, they're immortal, they've got all the time in the world." Star shrugged it off. "Besides, now we have a nickname to remind us about princess artifacts!" She shouted, looking at the little ball in his hands. "So awesome, magic without the wand!" Maybe that's what happened to Ms Heinous.

"Yeah, it's too bad we didn't find the real deal. I mean, something from Skywyne's time, someone my mom helped a lot! You think we can make our own magical item someday?"

"We kinda already did that with the corn and melon people, but I totally get what you mean!" Star jumped onto the couch, now having a flier in her hands. "Though that'll have to wait when Beachapalooza is over!" It sounded like a fun event.

"Yeah." The boy sighed, watching Marco go by, only to slip on a wet spot and hit the ground. "Marco, you okay!?"

"No…definitely felt something pop…" Marco groaned in pain, trying to keep himself standing, only to slip again. "Now I heard it pop to …"

"Maybe I can heal you-"

"We are not having another Monster Arm!" Monster what now? "That's my version of the Cat Fingers." So he also had a mortal enemy within himself.

Quartz sighed. "I wish I could have warned you."

CLICK CLICK DING

"We kinda already did that with the corn and melon people, but I totally get what you mean!" She jumped onto the couch, now having a flier in her hands … wait. "Though that'll have to wait when Beachapalooza is over!" Didn't they do this already? Oh, Marco!

"Don't come into the room Marco!"

"Wait, where did that voice…" Someone that sounded like him turned to Quartz, and sure enough, the prince was looking at another Quartz. "Are you me?"

"Am I you?" Quartz asked, what was he looking at, himself?

"What's going on in there!?" Marco asked from the hallway.

"Either Quartz has a secret twin brother we just discovered right now or someone made a magic clone in an attempt to replace him!" Star shouted, probably what he would've assumed if the situation was reversed. "I don't want to hurt something that has my bro's face, so tell me what your deal is." Star pointed the wand at him.

"Wait, I don't get it either, I saw this happen." He spoke. "I saw Marco walk in after Star talked about the Beachapalooza and popped something when he slipped on the floor. Then he talked about not wanting another 'monster arm' when Star tried to heal him. And I wished …" Both Quartzs pulled out the hourglasses.

"My hourglass? How do you..unless…Skywyne's time thing!" The other Quartz shouted excitedly. "I actually found the real one! We found the real one!"

"Woo-hoo! Yeah! In your face. Pearl!" Star shouted. "My brother rules, and we have time travel!"

"WHAT!?" Marco came in, more slowly this time to avoid the puddle. "You have to destroy that right now!"

"Why would we destroy a time machine!? Especially one that Skywyne made?" Quartz prime asked

"Have neither of you seen time travel movies!?" Marco asked.

"... Well yeah, he hasn't and thus I haven't." Quartz 2 agreed.

"They always end badly for everyone. Paradoxes, Terminators, Butterfly Effect!!"

"Does the Butterfly effect mean two Butterfly siblings traveling through time and having the best time ever? Because that's what we're going to do!" Star shouted. "Just imagine the possibilities!"

"I can make a band made up of myself for Beachapalooza!"

"We'll call ourselves Quartz and the Universes!" Looks like he was on point.

"And I can find ways to get back at mom and not get in trouble!" Star looked at the two of them. "Quartz, Quartzy, please, PLEASE let me have one of your time things!" She pleaded.

The two looked at each other, mentally agreeing the loser should give it up, and decided to do it by playing rock paper scissors, getting rock. Then rock again, then scissors, then paper, then rock, then rock, then paper, then rock. "You might want to grab a drink, this could go on for a while."

"Fine, mess with time if you want! If this leads to time traveling robots trying to kill us in the past, then don't say I didn't warn you!" Marco yelled before leaving, slipping on that wet spot Quartz warned him about.

"... Do you want me to come back and warn you about the spot again?"

"....Fine, but only because I can't stop you."

"You heard him hourglass, do your stuff."

CLICK CLICK DING

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River sighed, walking to the advice tree. "Tree … I seek your help." He pleaded. "I have spent so much effort to capture the heart of the lovely Moon, only for it to be in vain. I have spent countless days seeking to make things right, but my brother continues to upstage me every day."

"I have heard your pleas, Young River Johansson, and I just have to say…is she really worth it? Be honest with yourself." The tree's wisdom was endless, no doubt questioning how strong his resolve really was.

"Beyond no doubt, oh wise tree. I can't imagine a life, a future without her. But I'm a small noble compared to the future Queen of Mewni. There's hardly anything remarkable I can offer, aside from meat." It was the Johansion clan's specialty to offer meat as gifts no matter the occasion..

The tree was silent for a moment, likely thinking of the perfect piece of knowledge to bestow onto someone as unworthy as himself. "Try to give her flowers from the forest of probable itchiness."

"Are you…certain?" He wasn't one to doubt old tree wisdom, but this sounded off. "Won't it cause massive itchiness just attempting to reach something worth giving to a princess of her calibur?"

"The fact you put yourself through the effort is sure to impress a woman such as her. You must embolden her by proving yourself capable of conquering any challenge. From the most annoying and tedious to the most deadly and costly."

"Of course, it's the only way I can prove how far I'm willing to give my heart to her!" The tree was a blessing he did not deserve.

"Yeah, totally…also future advice, if you're ever bored and want to throw a party, don't invite gnomes, and clean up your mess and don't expect people to just go along and deal with your annoying habits."

"Understood oh great tree, I shan't let you down!" He bowed. "I shall set out a quest for flowers of itchiness and to destroy all gnomes!" If a magic three said it was okay, then he couldn't be in the wrong!

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Marco walked into the group of Quartzs tuning their instruments. "... Please tell me if you at least have names to differentiate yourselves?" He gave up trying to talk sense into them, and he already had enough near death experiences to just welcome the apocalypse now.

"I'm Leader Quartz." The mic player spoke

"I'm Smart Quartz." The one with bass and glasses said.

"Cool Quartz." The one on guitar grinned with a slightly blacker jacket.

"Cool Quartz." They all turn to the one on drums. "What?

"I thought we said you were funny Quartz?"

"No, that was the third one, because he made a joke about the sandy beach?"

"No, it was Smart Quartz who said that!"

"No, I'm pretty sure that was Leader Quartz!"

"Guys, guys, we're getting off track!" 'Cool' Quartz shouted. "How about the three of us try to sort through the Quartz names, and we just call the last one Steven?"

"Almost forgot we had a second name." 'Leader' Quartz mumbled. "So Marco, second thoughts about time travel? Cause we're rockin!"

"You almost had a complete blow up at yourself…clearly I have more than just two thoughts about it." Marco sighed, sitting down on a nearby chair. "Do any of you even remember which moment in time you're all from?"

"Of course we've kept track of that!" Smart Quartz shouted. 

"Yeah…"

"I'm the real one!" They all shouted at the same time.

"Oh, so we're going to have a temporal massacre." Marco muttered. "It's going to be Melons all over again."

"Marco, you say that as if I don't like myself. But I do, I love all parts about me. They just got to remember I started this band, and thus I get to be the leader because I'm also the handsome one."

"Wait, how does being the leader make you the handsome one!?" Cool Quartz shouted offended.

"If he's the handsome one, does that mean he's calling the rest of us ugly?"

"No way, we're all equally handsome!"

"Let's ditch the band and get jobs as models!" In an echo chamber like this, vanity can spring from even the nicest people like Star's brother.

The 'Leader' looked at them, then turned to him. "Am I this annoying?" He asked pleadingly.

"Not all the time, only when you ignore everyone else and just do whatever you want without thinking twice about it." Marco answered honestly.

"Thanks, that means a lot ... Hey where did he come from!?" Quartz asked the others.

"Look, the Universes have been talking, and we decided 'Leader' Quartz just doesn't fit the brand … so we replaced you."

"Really!? I started this band! I created all of you!"

"That doesn't mean you're god. The band is more than just you. Literally." They pointed to a duo of Star clones. "We decided to make this more of a family band…and you're not a part of this family anymore."

"Well, I'll just go back and stop this from happening!" Quartz shouted, raising his hourglass and vanished … oh so that's what time travel's like from the outside.

"Everyone, after him!" All of them warped away, leaving him alone in the room. Maybe he could just make coca and forget this whole day, you know, before he stopped existing.

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Rose sat with Eclipsa, gazing at the moon. "So you're really going to do it?" She asked. "I'm proud of you … pushing for what you want … for your happiness." Rose leaned down against the railing. "I could never be like that myself, way too much responsibility."

"Oh, I don't know, you've certainly seemed to be very flexible from where I'm standing." The soon to be ex queen of Mewni smirked at her. "I can't thank you enough, Rose. You're the first person who ever supported me like this. Not even the monsters I try to support accept me, all except my beloved."

"I just think it's silly to not spread love as far and wide as possible. If you're willing to give it, why not give it to all you can?" Both Human and Mewman described her as 'promiscuous', but it was the way of life that made her happy.

"You're a beautiful creature Rose." Eclipsa smiled. "If it weren't for Globgore I might have taken a fancy to you." Rose hid a blush as the woman giggled. "Well you can at least be a godmother. It's not like you can have children of your own."

A time bubble popped in front of them, 15 copies of two seperate people battling. "You will never take me alive!" The boy with star cheeks shouted.

"We never intended it, you can't run anywhere!" They argued.

"Yeah, there is nowhere in space time we won't find you!" One of the girls with heart cheeks argued. "Like heeeeerrrrrrrr…." All stared at the girl in question, before following her gaze to the two of them.

"... Hello there." She smiled and waved at the probable time travelers.

"Mo..Ro..the..ah…." All the copies of the boys got weirdly flustered and awkwards looking at her.

"Ecli … ecli … ecli …" The girl copies became pale backing up just a tad, like they were scared of the woman for some strange reason.

"Let me take a gander." Eclipsa walked towards them, and the girls started backing away. "Going by your face marks you're Mewmans, mostly likely Butterflies from a future point in time." She took a look at the boys, who looked intrigued by Eclipsa's presence. "Siblings at that too."

"Wow, you're good." One of the girls said, fearfully impressed.

"And now you found a time travel device and abused it for fun, not realizing the existencial consequences of your actions, and created multiple temporal duplicates of yourselves that run rampant in an infinite civil war of survival."

"Yeah…that's pretty much it…one of Skywynes artifacts." One of the boys held out a familiar orb.

"Is that..the hourglass of time?" Rose walked up to the boy and gazed at it closer. "I haven't seen this in ages. We called it Skylines 'best mistake'."

"But Pearl said you forgot what it looked like." The girl knew Pearl? Was she taken to the Sea Shrine?

"Oh, the gems lost their memories, but I didn't. I just wanted to make sure no one ever found it again, so I never told them what it looked like." Everyone gave her a strange look for some reason.

"I think that might be too much information for both sides of this. You two should probably head along back to the present." Eclipsa spoke with a kind smile. "Messing with time never leads to good things … especially if you skip over the warnings of Skywynes chapter."

"See, I told you we should've read over that chapter together." The boy looked at the girl.

"It's boring, what's the worst that could happen!?" The girl argued.

"Well there was one time Skywyne accidentally undid her own birth." Rose remembered. "You never did anything with your parents, right?"

"....Shit!" All the girls teleported at the same time, leaving all the boys to awkwardly stare at each other. 

"..I know we don't like each other, but can you guys give me five seconds alone?" One of them said,

"Why do you get five seconds? All of us want five seconds."

"Please guys.. Just..ah forget it." The loner boy just ran to her and..oh, gave her a quick hug. "Nice meeting you, Rose Quartz." The boy warped off after that.

"Get him!" The larger group warped, the space empty as if they weren't there.

"The future looks pretty fun." Eclipsa laughed. "Even if I do get painted out to be a horrible tyrant." … Glossaryck was right, sometimes the woman was too talented for her own good.

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CLICK CLICK DING

Star looked at the inside of the Diaz residence with the other Stars. "Looks normal enough …" Quartz came through soon after. "No crazy decorations …"

"It's just good old Beach Creek." The boy sighed in relief. "For a second I thought-"

A Star rushed in. "Went upstairs by accident, our room is gone, and so is the ocean!"

"What!?" Another Quartz shouted, not believing what they were hearing. "But how's that…LOOK OUT!" He pointed upward at the sky, something coming down and crashed, forming a crater. From it, it revealed strange looking women with cube hair and some nice looking shades.

"No..it can't.." The woman looked around them, spotting them. "Star, Steven you're here! And..there's multiple versions of you…"

"My name it….how do you even…who are …What the heck is going on!"

"Malachite has already destroyed most of the world's water supply and Toffee's depleted most of our numbers, only leaving me left as a way to mock what little of Rose's numbers are left." The afro cube woman said, looking like she was about to collapse any second now. "You've all time traveled, haven't you? That means this future is preventable!"

"Who is Toffee!?" Quartz shouted.

"Who's Malachite!?" Star added in.

"There's no time to explain." She cut herself off, looking in horror as the ground started to break apart. "Listen to me, you need to undo this, fix the past!" The ground finally gave out, making the woman fall deep into the earth's crust, and replacine was…

"Why is there a giant FUCKING HAND in the middle of the planet!?" She stared at the abomination, a giant hand covered in other giant hands, endlessly punching away at the ground, lava pouring out with each mighty blow.

"You heard the strange but cool looking woman, we can't question it now!" One of the Quartz's shouted. "Listen everyone, whatever problems we have, we deal with it in the present! Everyone, think back to the very beginning, before the first time we used the time thing, way before we warned Marco!"

She knew the moment he was on about, the one that started it all. So she wished, she wished to go back to the moment before it all messed up.

CLICK CLICK DING

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Omnitraxus once more froze time, except for the bodies of its present people, as he showed up. "I am Omnitraxus Prime, who has dared to disturb the fabric of …"He blinked at the present people. "Why do you keep giving me a headache, Quartz Butterfly?"

"It's not intentional I swear!" The boys all argued, only for the being of infinite cosmos to raise his hand.

"First there was Rose's Lion, then her Armory, then her moss according to Leckmet, and now I catch you and your sister putting holes in space time like it's swiss cheese with.." He gazed at the object the multiple people were holding."Is that Skywyne's hourglass!?"

"Not for long." Star went up to one of the Quartz that seemed to be most confused. "Sorry bro, but this is for our own good." She raised it high in the sky, and threw it on the ground, letting it shatter. The rest of the group's hourglasses shattered as a result.

"... You do know you destroyed the one device that can let me undo all of the mess you caused easily, right?" He growled at the princess.

"I don't care, that thing was evil, and it doesn't belong in the hands of anyone!" The princess crossed her arms.

"I'm beyond lost right now." Pearl, one of the Rose Guard's closest companions, spoke up. "How do you keep getting into so much trouble-" She paused, looking at him. "Quartz."

"Hey, I'm just as confused as you!" The present Quartz looked at the present Star. "Do you know?" The princess just shrugged her shoulders.

"Alright, let me explain how HORRIBLY you all fucked up!" He explained, pulling out a draw sheet from thin air. "Thanks to … you!" He identified the first time travelers. "Every time you time travel using the hourglass, not only do you make another you, but another timeline!" He drew lines. "It's supposed to be mostly straight, only offset by a few future seers. But YOU ALL made it like this." He replaced it with a child's crayon drawing. "What possible justification do you have for this many alternate timelines!?"

"...I wanted to make a band for Beachapalooza." The kid shrugged sheepishly.

"And I just wanted to get some past payback on Mom." The future Star whistled.

"..." He looked at Pearl and Ruby. "Please make sure to punish your versions thoroughly, even if they're innocent."

"Oh come on, we're the only ones who didn't time travel!" Star complained.

"Well it's not gonna be them!" He pointed to the others. "Because I'm about to do this!!" He generated multiple branching arms, swallowing them whole within himself.

"Wait, there's something you all need to know about a giant Ha…" One of the Quartz's tried to say, only for it to be lost with him in his guts.

"...Did you just eat all those versions of us?" Star asked.

"They're being sorted out in the multiverse, which is technically me." He reiterated. "But there are some timelines that yes, due to how chaotic and unstable they are, I will be eating."

"...You know what, Star? Lets vow to never touch time travel again."

"Agreed, I'm not reading another of Skywyne's time spells."

"That's all I ask." He grumbled. "And if I have to reprimand EITHER of you again, I will get the lamp. " He left them with that mysterious threat … one he would live up to if they fucked up, of course.