Chapter 20: Order of the Phoenix

-Evans' house, Muggle London, 4th July 1976.

Lily entered her house exhausted.

"Darling, is that you?" asked Mrs. Evans.

"It's me, mum!"

"Oh, Lily, so, how did your meeting with your friends go?"

"Good, we went over several things from school and learned a lot of new things, we are making a great progress" replied Lily honestly as it was practically true.

" That' s good dear, there is some food put away if you haven't eaten yet."

"I already ate, but thanks anyway"

Today Lily Evans had returned from a meeting she had had in the morning with the other young wizards who had joined the Order of the Phoenix.

She had found out about the Order of the Phoenix at the end of her fifth year at Hogwarts.

Apparently, Professor Dumbledore had decided to include her along with 7 other Gryffindors, 2 Hufflepuff, and 1 Ravenclaw, to prepare them for what was to come in the magical world.

An imminent war.

The 7 Gryffindors were:

Marlene McKinnon(6th year), one of Lily's best friends.

Dorcas Meadowes(6th year), a very talented girl, she and Lily didn't have much of a relationship, but she liked the girl, she also knew that Dorcas had dated Sirius for a short period of time.

Sirius Black(6th year)

James Potter(6th year)

Remus Lupin(6th year)

Peter Pettigrew(6th year)

Alice Scott(7 year), another good friend of Lily's, if she needed support Alice was always there to hug her or comfort her, it was a shame she only had one year left at Hogwarts, Lily was going to miss having her in Gryffindor.

The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were:

Benjy Fenwick(Hufflepuff 7th year)

Edgar Bones(Hufflepuff 7th year)

Emmeline Vance(Ravenclaw 7th year)

Lily only knew about them from her friend Alice who was in the same year as them.

The younger members of the Order met once a week with some of the older members to practice and prepare to officially become part of the Order of the Phoenix.

Today they had a dueling practice with three of the youngest official members of the Order.

Frank Longbottom who was five years older than Lily and the Prewett twins, Fabian and Gideon, brothers of Molly Weasley, both of whom were only three years older than Lily but were very talented wizards, both of whom had won many dueling competitions.

It was a stressful and tiring morning for Lily, especially with Fabian's constant flirting and James being jealous and trying to prove that he was better than him.

She knew Fabian was interested in her, and Lily liked him, he was funny, handsome, talented, and a very good talker.

Even Molly Weasley had asked him to give her brother a chance, though she confessed that it was Fabian himself who had asked her to say that to her.

Lily laughed a little at Fabian's nerve and Molly's sincerity in sending her brother to the front of the line.

Lily had a very good relationship with Molly, she was a great support to all the younger members of the Order.

Molly Weasley had not been able to join the Order of the Phoenix because all her time was taken up caring for her two children and now she was expecting her third who was due to be born soon.

But everyone was happy for her, she was a breath of fresh air at such a complex time in the magical world.

Lily might have agreed to go out with Molly's brother Fabian at another time, and she would certainly have been amused by James' obvious jealousy and silly behavior.

But since she had seen Severus for the last time, none of this seemed to matter to her.

Her head had too many things to think about and to make everything worse she never could come up with anything.

His last words still echoed in her head:

- Look, I don't give a damn what you think. If it weren't for the fact that a part of me still loves you, you wouldn't matter to me in the slightest. In fact, I think it's ridiculous that I could feel such things for a woman like you..."

- "...Now I don't care if you like the idea or not. You'll just have to live with it... Oh and by the way, keep ignoring me, you've been doing it perfectly until now, it's quite annoying to feel my heart beating every time you talk to me or come near me so stay away from me, I have no interest in your company, now go to your group of friends..."

- "...I've finished my business here. Oh, and nice to see you again after all..."

- "Goodbye Lily, be happy"

Lily had spoken to Severus for the first time since she had told him that the two of them could no longer be friends.

She was angry at his attitude, she was trying to solve the problem that had arisen in Diagon Alley, but he, as always, had to make everything worse.

And she was pissed off and so she spoke to him, but Severus didn't let her say almost anything.

She was surprised by his cold and irritated look, but he also looked incredibly hurt and sad, it was with that look that he told her with clear annoyance in his voice that he loved her.

Yes..., Severus Snape had confessed to her that he loved her, and she wasn't such a fool to not realise that the love he was talking about was not just friendship.

No, Severus loved her and had strong feelings for her.

And she was so blind that didn't realise it before, although if she had realised it before, she wouldn't have known what to do with such a situation either.

Yes, there were times when they hugged tenderly, laughed together, and all that, but she never expected him to love her in that way and with the intensity, he showed that day.

Her heart was so strange that she didn't know why this affected her so much.

She had already decided to go on with her life without him, but that was because he had left her no choice in the matter.

She would never have expected him to tell her that in front of everyone, someone like Severus would never do that.

The Severus she knew would never have done that, certainly not in front of James and his friends.

Lily didn't know what to say when he said all those things to her with such anger and coldness.

It was strange for someone to tell you that he loved you along with so many beautiful and sincere things but at the same time to tell you so many horrible things, it was very contradictory.

But she knew immediately that he was sincere in everything he said, all his feelings were true, she could see it in his eyes.

She was stunned, her mind could not process everything that was happening at that moment and to this day she could not finish assimilating the situation.

The worst thing was that once he said all those things, he didn't even bother to wait for an answer from her, he just finished talking and disappeared without giving her time to do anything.

Lily was in shock at the time, he was so audacious as to not allow her to say a word.

After that day, she felt so strange, her head was a mess, she didn't know what to think or do, and it was so hard to assimilate everything that happened.

'Merlin..., I must stop thinking about it' sighed Lily already knowing that she never got anywhere thinking about such things.

But despite that, she took a moment to think about it for a bit longer.

She didn't know what to do or think anymore, everything about Severus was too complex.

It was devastating for her to walk away from him after he called her a "mudblood" knowing everything that was happening in the magical world.

She couldn't forget his insult, no matter that he had pleaded with a teary face and eyes, his voice cracking and anguished, for her to be his friend again and not leave him in a world of despair and loneliness.

He had betrayed her, had called her by that vile name that insulted, belittled, and looked down upon all those of Muggle heritage in the magical world, insulted and belittled her entire family by saying that.

And he had classified her as an inferior human being who did not deserve to be called a witch in the magical world.

That insult combined with many things that happened, such as his bad friends who made a living out of making practical jokes and mocking or insulting muggle-borns along with his obsessive studies in the Dark Arts to the point that he wouldn't listen to her when she advised him to stop, was what made her have to walk away from him unable to accept his apology no matter how much it hurt.

She could no longer accept his apology and be his friend.

When they had met all those years ago, Severus had promised her that having non-magical parents was not a problem in the magical world.

He had motivated her and chased away all her fears of not being a good witch.

Severus had taught her not to fear her magic and learn to use it, had given her the feeling that he was the only one who understood her completely.

But that was until she entered Hogwarts and met wonderful, kind, cheerful, caring people.

But before all that, he had been the one who had motivated her since she was a child to be a great witch.

That's why it hurt so much when he called her that, it was a betrayal of everything he had ever said to her, everything she had kept rowing her friendship for despite the bad friendships and dark thoughts he had.

He betrayed her, hurt her like no one had ever hurt her before and why?

Because of the shame, humiliation, and anger, he felt at the time.

She could understand that, she knew he had a very bad attitude towards others.

The two of them had always argued about many things because their thoughts differed so much.

But it never occurred to her that her best friend could say something like that to her.

Severus destroyed the trust she had in him and also destroyed the friendship she had worked so hard to maintain.

And it was thanks to her friends in Gryffindor that she was able to move on, many of them advised her to cut all ties with Severus, no matter how much it hurt.

They always warned her that he was on a path of no return, that his ideals were different and that he would never understand her point of view on things because he was blinded.

They warned her that sooner or later Severus would become a death eater because that was the path he was on.

And they warned her that at some point he would hurt her too.

She didn't want to believe it, or she didn't want to see it, she didn't believe Severus was a lost cause.

But that day, when he called her a "mudblood", her illusions crumbled, he proved to her that her friends were not wrong.

From that day on she understood that he could no longer be her best friend.

And even though she had missed him like crazy and cried into her pillow every night for several weeks at Hogwarts.

She managed to learn to live without him, to follow his path, and let him follow his own.

It was the hardest year she ever spent at Hogwarts, but she managed to get through it...

But that all went down into the drain when just after returning from Hogwarts he said those things to her.

"Dear, are you planning on going to Diagon Alley today?" asked Mrs. Evans.

"Huh?" Lily who was lost in thought didn't process her mother's question.

"Are you alright sweetie?"

"Uh-oh yeah, just thinking about a few things, nothing important" Lily finally gave up and shook her head, again going nowhere thinking about all that.

"I see, so that's it..." said Mrs. Evans staring at her daughter as if she had discovered a big secret.

"Huh?.... What is it?" asked Lily confused and doubtful that her mother could read her mind.

"You're thinking about a boy," her mother said suddenly and she coughed in surprise.

" Eh? mum! what are you saying, why are you saying that?"

"Oh come on dear, as if I don't know when you're thinking about such things, now tell me who is the lucky boy that makes my little girl think so much?" asked Mrs. Evans intrigued and enthused.

"This..., I... no, it's nothing like that!"

"Hmm, sure it isn't?"

"Mom!"

" Okay, I was just curious, my mistake," said Mrs. Evans although she clearly wasn't convinced.

"So..., are you planning on going to Diagon Alley or not?" asked her mother.

"Well..., yes, I was planning on buying a few things, why?" replied Lily, very relieved that her mother had changed the subject.

"Your father wants more of that hair liquid, he seems to be running out of the last one he bought and you know how he gets when he can't manage his hair" laughed Mrs. Evans lightly along with Lily at the thought of Mr. Evans and his constant struggles with his hair.

"Yes, I know, well I'll see about buying then" nodded Lily with a beautiful smile.

Until today she believed that her father loved the magical world only because of the trouble that he saved with his hair.