Arc I - Going Home - Part 6

Xiao Zhan had put away the food, taken a shower, unpacked his bags, started the laundry, and even packed his bags for the next day. He knew he'd done all this because he was putting off calling Yibo's mother. He was terrified. Hearing it on the news was one thing, but hearing it from her… She was one of the strongest women he knew; he didn't know how he would react if she cried. And she would cry, wouldn't she? 

His mind kept telling him that she might tell him Yibo had died. He didn't want to think about this, but it was as if his brain needed to envisage the worst to make sure he would be relieved when he heard the actual news. In his flawed logic, he felt that the longer he delayed, the longer he could prevent bad things from becoming real. 

Around three am, he had run out of tasks and couldn't put it off anymore. He sat on the edge of his bed and placed the call. The phone barely rang once.

"Wéi?" Said a sleepy female voice.

"Auntie? It's me. It's Xiao Zhan."

"Xiao Zhan! Oh. Oh, Xiao Zhan. I'm so glad you called! Just let me go somewhere I can talk."

He heard the sound of furniture scraping against the floor and the receding beeping of medical equipment as she walked. To his surprise, she didn't sound any different than usual.

"There. I should be ok now. How are you? Did you make it home ok? Your manager… Jie Chiyou? Yes, that was her name. Ms. Jie told me you'd had quite the adventure. Did you eat anything?"

Her voice was filled with warmth and concern for his well-being. You'd have thought they had just run into each other at the mall. His throat tightened. 

"I'm ok. I had a long day, but I'm home now. Chiyou brough me food. Thank you, Auntie."

"Good. Good. I'm glad. I assume you saw the news, but BoBo had told me you were coming back tonight, so I wanted to make sure to talk to you directly. I didn't want you to worry."

Xiao Zhan's chin shook. She was concerned. About him. Her son was in the ICU, and she didn't want him to worry. He grimaced, trying to hold back his tears.

"How is…" He couldn't say his name. "He?" he finally managed in a whisper.

She sighed.

"It's not good, dear. But it's not getting worse either, so we have that to be grateful for. They operated on him this morning. The neurosurgeon said they'll have a better idea tomorrow. Or today. I guess it's already morning. Time has been a bit of a blur."

There was a moment of silence. Xiao Zhan didn't trust himself to speak. He covered his eyes with his free hand and struggled to make his breathing regular.

"Are you still here?" She asked with concern.

He took a ragged breath.

"I'm here," he said in a strangled voice. "Are you… Are you ok?"

"Now, don't you worry about Auntie, Xiao Zhan. I'm fine. Everyone here is very nice and helpful. They've appointed a nurse who speaks Mandarin and Korean. She's lovely. They're taking good care of BoBo. And of me, too." 

Xiao Zhan heard a voice in the background. Auntie Wang said something back to them. 

"I'm sorry. That was the night nurse. I've been trying to reach BoBo's father, but he's working in some remote part of Zambia, so the connection is bad. The hospital keeps trying to reach him. I sent him a message through the company, but I'm not sure he'll get it. He's pretty useless in a crisis, anyway. I'm in no rush to see him come here and try to tell the doctors how to do their jobs."

He couldn't help but laugh at her gossipy tone.

"There, that is better. I'm glad I made you laugh.

She paused.

"I don't know how to say this, so I'll be direct. I know you're busy. And I know that it's a big favour. But do you think you could come to the hospital? I don't want to burden you, but I think BoBo would like it very much if his GeGe was here. The sooner, the better."

Xiao Zhan let himself fall back on his bed. His chest was so tight he could hardly breathe. He coughed to try and release some of the pressure, which caused tears to spill from his eyes.

"Xiao Zhan? Are you alright? I'm sorry that came out wrong. There is no hurry. He's still in critical condition, but he's somewhat stable for the moment. I know how your schedules are. You can come whenever you're free. Please don't worry, ok? There is no rush."

Her kindness broke him. Unable to resist the pain anymore, he let out a loud sob and covered his mouth as he fought to prevent more from coming out.

"Oh, dear. Xiao Zhan. Don't cry like that. He's in good hands. It'll be alright."

Her words only made him cry harder. He'd been worried he would have to comfort her, yet there he was, breaking down, their assigned roles completely reversed. The worst part was that he was utterly powerless to stop it.

 "I'm sorry," he managed between sobs.

"Don't be sorry. It warms my heart to see how much you care about him. Just let it all out."

He felt so alone. So small. He ached for someone to hold him. He needed him.

Xiao Zhan cried, and she listened, comforting him as best she could. After a while, he regained enough of his composure to speak.

"I'm sorry," he said again, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Don't be sorry, dear. I also did my share of crying, and I'm sure I will again. But I have to be strong and be here for him, you know?"

Xiao Zhan sniffed and cleared his throat.

"About going to Seoul, I would have gone even if you hadn't asked me, Auntie. Chiyou must have guessed because she booked me a flight. I should be there by the end of the afternoon," he said in a hoarse voice.

"Oh, Xiao Zhan. This is good news. Good news indeed!"

Suddenly, her voice sounded teary. He had to make a Herculanean effort not to start sobbing again. After talking for a few more minutes to arrange their meeting, they hung up, but not before she'd made him promise not to worry too much. Another promise he was already breaking.

He remained on the bed, staring at the ceiling in the darkness, silent tears rolling down his temples. There was a hollow in his chest, a gaping hole that ached to be filled. What a day this had been. He'd been reminded at every turn that he was loved and that people would go out of their way to take care of him. Yet, he felt like he'd done very little to deserve it all.

Xiao Zhan set two alarms and made sure his phone was properly plugged in. Exhaustion soon claimed him, and he fell asleep hugging Yibo's pillow.