13 Chapter 11: Punches and Feelings

~(Years ago)~

"Look at him! Is he really a boy?"

It was everyday. Everyday was like hell.

"Looks like the distinguished ____ family produced a failure!"

There was no space for me. No grounds, no society.

"Are you really my son? This is definitely because of your mother's side."

Not even family. All because of this goddamn face.

However… there was a certain tree I found. It was a big tree. I felt so protected there, so I made it my second home.

"Hey, why are you sleeping on the ground?"

It was just another day of hell.

"Aww! No need to be scared! Here, I have a ring. You can take it!"

And she looked like just another one of them.

"What's your name?"

I didn't want to answer, but she was so insistent, so I told her.

"____."

She took a good look at my face before calling out another kid, who innocently went to her. She pointed at my face with such glee and excitement, like she was given a brand new toy.

"I'm Ember! And this other boy is-"

"Denzel. You kinda look like a girl, even though you're a boy."

This boy looks kind, and his smile was bright. I want to be just like him.

"Right? You're such a cutiepie! Wanna be friends?" She reached out her hands to me.

I reached for her hands, and I'm glad I did that.

They were my family, not those stupid nobles in 'my home'.

Denzel told me he'll build a shack for me up in the tree so I can never sleep on the ground again, and Ember told me the two of them will sleep with me so I can never be alone again.

It was the first time I felt good of my face. My first compliment, and my first friends, and the first ever day that I was happy.

And on that very day, I got myself a name-

Rita.

My happiness went for a very long time, and everything revolved around it. I did not mind the gossips, the troubles, and the shenanigans.

I did not mind at all, as long as they were with me. But, eventually, that became a problem.

"Why are you hanging out with those lowlives! You are the son of a prominent family yet you dare act like this!"

This 'father' of mine. He hates me because I was born with a face of a woman, and now he calls me his 'son' because I was starting to grow a little.

Pathetic.

It was the first time that I talked back to him, and the first time he looked so scared of me. Was it because I aimed a blade at him? Irrelevant. But, it was also the first time I felt brave.

It was at that moment I realized, those two were changing me.

They were bringing out the best out of me, and I wanted to do the same.

Especially for Ember.

A smile most lovely, perhaps the loveliest.

Her hair was reminiscent of the autumn leaves of the east, her amber eyes as warm and bright as the Great Sol himself.

She brought meaning to such an insignificant pebble, and hammered him into something more.

She was my love, my dearest Ember.

She was like the sun, and I was like a foolish moth who keeps trying to flock to her.

I could see her, yet she was so far.

So far…

***

{Punch!}

A pungent thud. It was a good punch, and it landed on such a bad spot in his face.

"Don't fuck with me!" Frederick shouted, clenching his numbing hand. His eyes were flaring, but suffering.

"4 years. 4 fucking years Denzel. That was a lot of time! But all you realized is that you needed to apologize more?! Why are you still like that?! So ignorant?!"

Then, a downpour of blows followed.

"Why? Why can't you realize it when someone is trying to convey their feelings?"

***

~(Roughly 4 years ago)~

The moon was bright, and Denzel was sleeping on his bed on top of the cabin. The wind bristled itself to the leaves of this great tree, producing a primitive but relaxing tune.

"I'm going to confess to him tomorrow." Ember held a ring in her hand. I was shocked.

"R-really?"

"Yes. I'll be going to the Great City in the south of Lordrith. My parents were called there by the Duke, and they said it was their duty to respond."

I couldn't hide my frown, but I did manage to hide the bouquet of flowers that I was holding.

"G-good for you then."

I don't really know up to this day why, but she embraced me. It was a feeling that I cherished, a feeling that I will never get used to.

"I'm sorry. I will return as fast as I can."

"Y-you will? Oh, g-good then."

"We'll always be friends." she tightened her embrace. It was warm, but the night felt heavy. Still, if I do share my feelings, I would just stand on their way.

"Good luck then!"

The very next day, I 'followed' my love on her attempt to propose to her love, which ached. She tried multiple times throughout the day through hints and setting up the mood. She was a natural, and I imagined her doing it to me which only made the weight inside me heavier. Thankfully- Unfortunately, Denzel was something else.

"He's too dense!" Ember yelled in frustration. "You can come out now Rita."

"Urk! H-how did you?"

"Hahaha! You're so obvious. Remember when I used do make-ups and do your hair?"

"Well, yeah. You told me to grow my hair longer, and you even bought a wig."

"Those were the good days!"

"They were."

"…"

"…"

"I'm just going to directly tell him tonight."

"T-that would be the wise choice."

She told me to not follow her because she did feel uncomfortable with me watching, so I respected her decision. I did not knew the outcome, so I waited for her to come to me and tell me about it. But she didn't.

Worried, I went to Denzel's smithy to ask him.

"Oh, Ember? Yeah she passed by. She said that she'll be going to the Great City of Cthug, to the south of Lordrith."

"Did she say something to you before she left?"

"Oh, yeah. She told me 'I love you' so I told her that I love her as well."

The weight was lifted, but not entirely. I had mixed emotions, so I went to her house immediately.

There was no one there. Completely empty. Empty, except her little sister. She was a mute girl, so there was a nanny with her.

"W-where is Ember?" I asked with a frantic demeanor.

"Oh, it seems that the Duke of Cthug wanted them immediately, so they went earlier than expected. She did, however, told me to give this to you."

It was a notebook and a piece of paper.

I went back to the treehouse to read it. The paper had crumpled little circles in it that smudged a few of the words, but it was still readable:

'Hah! I knew that you were gonna go find me! That's Ember for you!

Oh, pardon me. Just trying to cheer myself up. I mean…. That dense bastard. I literally told him "I love you" but was still ignorant enough to think it was just a matter between friends. Honestly, he's so…

Goddamn him. Just… give him the notebook. It's my final resort. Thank you, Rita. I'll be going back soon.'

After reading the book, I hurriedly rushed to read the notebook. After that, I cried the whole night. It was unbecoming of me.

Why did she had to fall in love with such a dense guy? Why… why not me.

***

The man picked the dwarf up to fix his footing. Then, as he aimed for another blow, Denzel surprisingly retorted.

"I knew, you know!"

{Crunch!}

A powerful swing by the dwarf, right into Frederick's nose. He looked heavy, but the way he flew made him look like a feather.

"I knew. I fucking knew, but I avoided her for YOUR sake! You fucking nimrod!"

"W-what do you-"

{Crunch!}

Denzel threw another one. He was really hitting him. His friend. His dearest friend Rita.

"I knew that she held feelings for me, but seeing how you were so eager for her, I distanced myself from her!"

At this point, both of them were throwing strikes from and to each other.

{Crunch!}

"Then why didn't you just reject her! It would've gave her some form of closure!"

{Crunch!}

"I didn't want to! Why would I do something that would hurt her?!"

{Crunch!}

"Well, jokes on you because you just did! You fucking moron!"

{Crunch!}

"Shut up you fatty! You would never understand!"

From dusk until the stars were visible, they brawled with each other, shameless- No, ignorant of a kid watching them the entire time.

Their face were progressively getting riddled of sores, sweat, and blood. They were in the heat of the moment, both were hurting each other but somehow you can feel that they were doing it for themselves.

At last, the calm.

Both of them laid flat on the ground, tired and expended. No one spoke and for a while, there was great silence, except the crickets of the night. Denzel was the one who killed that very silence.

"I did got the notebook, you know."

"!!!"

"It was with the silver ring when I found it on the floor-"

***

~(Roughly 4 years ago)~

What's this? A ring on top of a book? Who's the dummy that left it here?

Those were the questions that sparked on this dwarf's mind. I knew that the ring was Ember's, but I was reluctant about the book.

Oh, it has her penmanship. So it IS hers.

'For the person who will read this, this is my diary. I will become the greatest fashion designer!'

Oh, a diary?

Then, the same handwriting, but this one was written recently.

'For you, who will read this, I'm so frustrated with you. You're so dense and stupid… But I still love you, even though you're still gonna be dense about it. You pushed me this far- This is so embarrassing, but this was the only way.'

With trembling hands, I opened the pages.

'Hello! My name is Ember and I'm 6 years old! My dream is to become a fashion designer in the Royal Capital! But, I live here currently in Prith, so I will make my humble beginnings in this city!'

Adorable! But this is quite the fat book. I won't say everything, maybe everytime she ages.

'Hello, Ember here, 7 years old. This notebook is for my notes now. My family insisted that I become a knight, and I currently have no choice. It sucks, but i need to be strong.'

———

'This is Ember, 8 years of age. I just met a boy! He's so kind and sweet. Even though my sketches are… lacking, he still manages to create such beautiful gowns from it. I want to be just like him!'

———

'We just got a treehouse! Rita is so adorable! I just met him yesterday and her- Sorry, his face looks like a doll! I want to dress him up in all sorts of clothes. I bet he would look great in all of them!'

———

'Father and mother just scolded me for drawing another sketch of a dress, and told me to practice my sword. She swiped it away and threw it in the trash, but I managed to get it back. Needed a bath though.

———

'Ember, 12 years old, in love with a DWARF! Can you believe that? Many would find it preposterous, but I don't care. He's so kind and reliable… and cute. He comforts me when my parents nitpick on my personality and hobbies. I have my diary to know, no need to let other people in it. How would I confess to him, I wonder?'

———

'Ember, 18 years old. Denzel finally got his smithy, I'm so happy for him! Rita is also a soldier now! There are too many good things happening… maybe it's time?

———

'22- This is getting old. I'm Ember, and this dense fucking dwarf is… I wonder if he'll ever notice? I even straight up said 'I love you'. It's my final moments with him too, I won't be able to see him for a long time. Whatever.

Everyday was fun with him and Rita. But now, The great city in the south is calling for us as soldiers. I don't even know when I'll come back. Will there be a war? Probably.

This will be my final entry to this diary, because the pages are full now. Maybe I'll buy another notebook later.

On the small likelihood that I die, hopefully I don't, I want to let the two of you, yes, Denzel and Rita, the two of you know that with all my heart-

I love you both.

-Emma.'

***

"Then why? Why didn't you speak to her? "

"I…"

The wind blew and carried a single leaf from the tree. It dropped right on Denzel's nose.

"… I just-"