So, swap review. A bit late, so I apologise.
Fair warning before I begin, I am a picky reader and have a really high bar when it comes to reading...the joys of having read so much ):
I'm really really sorry if it comes across as harsh. I also I am not a big fan of first person pov, so I don't really know the ins and outs when it comes to writing like this.
I read the first 13 chapters, so my review will be solely on this.
I want to say amazing work with the worldbuilding! There was no info dump in the beginning but it was peppered throughout the first 7 chapters. To be honest, and this is just my opinion, I was pretty confused by all the information on the androids because there was so much and I couldn't focus on the story because I had to keep going back and forth.
Character development so far is pretty good, we get a sense of the important characters. It's just, with first pov the character's voice has to be strong and stand out, but it felt that the voices of the different characters at time mixed together and ended up sounding familiar.
Writing quality is quite good. I'll be honest, I usually stay clear off firs pov writing because I find it lacking, but you managed to capture my attention and had me wanting to keep reading. I was not bored or annoyed that it was first pov, which just shows that you are a good writer. However, it was a bit disappointing to get to chapter 8 onwards because it felt a bit dry to read. No offence. I just felt like the quality dropped. If you revised it once or twice, I'm sure that will definitely improve.
Really strong beginning.
Story development
I think the story development is great. There is a clear goal and high stakes, also conflict. But like I said earlier, although the plot is good, the development after chapter 8 is a bit slow and I just find it hard to immerse in the story. There is a lot of conflict, but I think if it was presented a bit differently you would be able to keep the momentum up.
Unfortunately, I really found that dialogue lacking. I know it's that horrible thing we all dread, and to be honest I struggled with it a lot too until recently. I recommend Jerry Jenkins youtube video on dialogue. It's really good and it helped me improve so much.
I also feel that you could have used dialogue to hint at what happened to Darius. And sometimes it felt a bit jarring the way the flashback begun because it felt like you were thrown in it suddenly.
I really liked how foreshadowing was peppered in.
I just wished that Darius' relationship with Rinthe was developed better because it felt empty and superficial somehow. I don't know how to explain it properly, it's just that I had really high hopes for the development of their relationship, and it felt a bit lacking the further in it got. I know they are supposed to be strangers, but I don't think it did them justice and it didn't show the dynamic properly. It's just that their dynamic has a lot of potential you could cash in to add conflict and tension in the chapters.
I think pacing also needs to be improved a bit because the beginning was really nicely done but somehow after chapter 8 I just did no longer want to read. I recommend Alexa Donne, Diana Callahan, The creative Penn, Jenna Moreci, etc. who have really good insights into many of these things.
I was a bit disappointed by the villain as well. He did not have a big impact, but I did like how you showed his tyrannical side when he punished Lenin.
All in all, really strong start. The middle needs a bit smoothing over and I'm sure it would be even better.
I'm really sorry again if I come across as harsh. And I don't mean to be offensive. This is just my opinion.
Best of luck
