A Step Towards Neither

On the mountain peak closest to the sun, a mass of energy swirls denser and denser as the sun climbs to signal a new day. Upon reaching its greatest height, the screech of a phoenix resounds over the skies along with a bright explosion of light.

Standing where the mass of energy had been, Xiangyue opened her eyes. Yet the glare of the sun was too strong, prompting her to shield her eyes with her hands.

"It's been so long..."

A thousand years, that's how long she's been wandering for. Never did Xiangyue think that she'll be able to see the sky again. Staring at the glow of the sunlight shining through her fingers, she delved into her thoughts.

In accordance with heavenly law, her soul is to be ripped to a thousand pieces, never to be born again after Xiangyue was proven to be the perpetrator behind the catastrophe a thousand years ago. Yet never did she think her phoenix bloodline would save her, as it should be impossible. While it is true that phoenixes rise from their ashes, it is their physical bodies that have disintegrated, not their souls. But there is no other explanation, her soul must have somehow pieced itself together over the past thousand years. Like ashes drifting along with the wind, finally finding a resting place. Of course, it is not without consequences.

As though punched in the gut, Xiangyue stumbled to the ground cradling her head.

Millions of bits of memories flooded her mind along with many unfamiliar emotions.

Anger. Hatred. Sorrow. Fear. Anguish. Disgust.

Slamming into her without any rest, Xiangyue squirmed on the ground trying to get a hold of the memories swarming her mind. Her memories of a thousand lives.

After her soul was torn apart, the pieces could not survive on their own as they were too small, too weak against the vast world. As so, they went into the bodies of other souls, to be healed enough until they were ready to gather together.

Maybe it was the heavens punishing her, or maybe it was her bad luck. But her past lives were short-lived, and all ended torturously and gruesome. If it wasn't being beaten to death by her own father, then it was being bitten to death by hunting dogs. If it wasn't watching her brother being killed in front of her eyes, then it was watching her mother breathing her last to a terrible illness.

"What a useless daughter, why were you even born? I should have sold you off along time ago!"

"It's alright. Your brother will still be by your side, I'll still protect you."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I have to leave so early. I'm sorry I haven't been a good mother..."

Xiangyue convulsed at the rage of emotions tearing through her as she drifted among her memories. Sometimes it was jaw-clenching anger, a thirst for vengeance and blood for all the wrong-doings they had done against her. Then it was heart-wrenching sorrow, for all that she wailed and cried could not get the past to wind back. Then came fear and anguish which left Xiangyue choking and gasping for breath, blaming herself at not grasping the chances to prevent the tragedies from happening.

"C-calm down, breathe"

Focusing on her own voice, Xiangyue temporarily escaped from the torrent of emotions she was feeling. She knew that now is not the time to lie weakly in plain sight. Since her rebirth created such a huge commotion, there would soon be other immortals coming to check the situation. If they find out it was her...

Xiangyue shook her head and focused. Imagining a box, she stuffed all her memories and emotions in it.

Shutting her eyes, Xiangyue chanted, "breathe, one, two, one, two..."

Her will has always been strong, it was what kept her sane through this whole ordain and it will now. Even though it was only a temporary solution, it would have to do now. Hopefully, this Pandora's box wouldn't be so painful when it is opened again.

After being tormented throughout her past a thousand lives, Xiangyue had but one goal in this life: to live and die peacefully. Never would she touch the matters of the immortal realm again, never would she live to suffer again.

"I'll live an invisible life, become an easily-forgettable existence. As long as I can die quietly without regrets, that's all I want."

As Xiangyue carved those words into her heart, she also shut away her memories of her life when she was an immortal. There was no use of residing in memories that could only cause her pain, she wanted nothing to do with her past.

After clearing her mind, Xiangyue scrambled up, exhausted from what she had experienced, and began her slow descent down the mountain.

Moments after Xiangyue left the clearing where she was reborn, the air stirred in slight disturbance as a figure appeared. The wind gently ruffling his robes as his long black hair danced along with the breeze, it appears as though a gentleman has stepped out a portrait. The graceful aura surrounding him could only be described like a mountain stream gurgling through the rounds and edges of its surrounding boulders and pebbles, clean and steady. His clear, dark blue eyes made a quick scan of the clearing.