Chapter 1 : How our whole life started

Mother thought that I'm a fool, calling me the fairest of us sisters. I'm not. They're talking about me all the time. The tea party, all those party that I don't want to go. I'm ugly, the clothes I have don't fit me. I just wanted to hide. Why does Ella have that face? I'm envious. Mother is more beautiful than the former baroness but why do I look like this? What did I do to deserve this?

My stepfather is a fool. He put those burdens on mother. I heard them fighting. Stepfather was lied to by a traveling merchant and he was having a load of debt. Mother had to use our inheritance to pay for them. And stepfather learnt nothing from that. He left the mansion to find the merchant who fooled him into investing in and was killed by mountain robbers.

Ella was never told that, even until now. She was lied to by her nanny that stepfather's cargo ship got caught in a rainstorm and he was lost. She prayed everyday for stepfather to be found and came back for her. I like the shining in her eyes so I didn't break it to her even though I was jealous of her beautiful appearance. Everytime our breakfast was late, I could see her tears staining her sleeves. I could see it and I'm sure mother could see it too. Mother was very sharp but she said nothing so I kept quiet.

Mother had to shoulder everything since marrying into this household. She even had to clean up stepfather's mess before he died. She held it all down but as strong as she was, I noticed she cried sometimes. Maybe I inherited her sharpness. The remaining debt, this rundown house, and the stare from the other households that she had to bear. We had to fire all servants, and do the house chores which we'd never had to do before.

I think Ella hated us because we chased the servants away. She cried a lot saying that she didn't want them to leave and that she had no one left on her side but mother was not bad to her. Mother didn't treat her like how she treated us, but Ella got all that she wanted. She got everything, what more did she need? I thought about that a lot at that time. Love, was that what she wanted? Her father gave her everything she wanted and mother had to cut other expenditures because of them being prodigals. Mother was kind although strict then, but after that day she yelled all the time.

"You must be perfect, fix your posture, sit upright, don't curse, don't cross your legs, be ladylike".

I'm trying mother! And I hate it when mother told us to marry a rich man. Didn't mother married three ? And we never had a good life.

Soon after firing the servants, Anastasia and I had to clean. Mother would cook, but the food she cooked taste horrendous. We're lucky that we're still alive after eating those poisonous dishes. But mother ate them without any changes on her face. How admirable, I wish I could be just like her. To be a perfect and strong woman who could keep a straight face no matter how strong the storm and lightning had hit her.

Ella had to tend to the garden but after eating mother's cooking for a day, we decided that she had to cook. Anastasia would tend to the garden while mother and I would clean. But Ella said that she wanted to care for her friends, so she did the two chores. Ella's a weird girl, befriending those dirty animals. Mother then sew handkerchiefs and became a tutor to feed us.

Ella was 8, a year younger than Anastasia. Why didn't I cook? Well, I tried to but I nearly burnt the kitchen and Anastasia only knew how to eat. The same thing could be said to me though. Ella was very close to the servants after the former baroness' death, so she went to the kitchen almost every day and we were sure she could cook.

But I wonder why my stepfather let a noble daughter ran around playing with the servants and not let her learn etiquette at a young age. Well, my stepfather was a good for nothing low rank baron anyway. I can't expect more from someone who made my mother worried all day long.

Even though she cook edible food, Ella was a klutz. She wasn't careful and broke many things. The plates, the cow fences, the antique vase stepfather bought from a merchant although I doubt if it was even real to begin with. Mother's last straw was when Ella tried to clean the locket that mother got from my late grandmother and lost it after she went to feed the chicken. The locket was priceless to mother and she kept it dearly for years. Mother became so angry and had her locked up in the grain warehouse for one night. The locket was found a few days later in the shed where we kept our horse.

Ella then stayed in the warehouse most of the time to run away from chores. Mother said nothing and we had to fill in her role. Who knew what she did there.

Anastasia meanwhile can't speak for herself and always had to have me to stand for her. I'm the older sister so I had to give in. I was mean to her, but it's because she copied me all the time. She tore my dresses a lot trying to wear it as she was chubby back then.

I saw mother cried again one day, months after stepfather left us, as Anastasia caught a bad fever. She was shivering, coughing, crying and not eating for a week. We couldn't even call a physician to tend to her as we barely had enough to keep the household whole. Anastasia lost a lot of weight and she, who was once bright became dull after the fever.

Anastasia spoke less and forgot about a lot of things. She recovered after a while but she's not as smart as she once was. To cheer her up, I acted more like a child, not that I was much older at the time, arguing over menial things with her, making funny faces and acting dumb.

Mother thought it was funny. I've never seen her smile for a while so I kept up with the act to make her happy. It became a habit, almost like this was the real me, doing this foolish act since I was 12.