Reputation is not everything

Having read in the newspapers about the incident with the elder Potter, Rabastan Lestrange realized that ridding Britain of a magical epidemic was far more prestigious than causing harm and then blackmailing the authorities with it. To divert suspicion onto the Weasley twins, he first familiarized himself with the shop's advertisements and chose their newest prank items. Then, under the invisibility cloak, he visited the shop and cursed them all.

Of course, panic didn't start immediately, and the authorities reacted even later. Most victims turned to the clinic only after trying other treatments, and it took time to discover the connection between the illness and the trick candies. As a result, the "relaxation epidemic" spread for some time before the law enforcement took an interest in the Weasley twins and their products. The twins themselves had no clue about the situation, so they kept selling pranks and pranking others.

Their favorite target for pranks was Percy, who now lived away from the family. So, when he visited the Burrow again, the twins slipped some of their new absent-mindedness candies, disguised as caramel toffees, into his belongings. Percy found them at work, carelessly sniffed them, and in a fit of absent-mindedness, left them on the nearest table, immediately forgetting about them. He went off to fetch documents from the Department of International Relations. His colleagues assumed someone had brought sweets for tea and helped themselves. Among those who indulged was the Minister himself.

Half an hour later, the top ranks of the Ministry were found in a confused state by Percy, who had fortunately avoided the same fate. The victims were immediately sent to the clinic, and an investigation into the mass infection of "relaxation" finally began. It must be said that the Ministry could act quite energetically when it concerned themselves, so by the end of the day, the clueless and protesting Weasley twins found themselves in Ministry holding cells.

Even under Veritaserum, the twins maintained their innocence but couldn't fully clear themselves. The infection was attributed to a side effect of their untested products. Newspapers reported that the culprits of the epidemic had been found and that the Department of Mysteries was working on its resolution. A mob of aggrieved citizens vandalized the Weasley twins' shop, and they were sent to Azkaban pending further investigation.

Azkaban was located on a distant and desolate island in the North Sea. Being a prison for wizards, it was protected from escapes by various enchantments, including anti-apparition spells. The anti-magic wards affected both prisoners and staff, so both were equally limited in their use of magic. The main deterrent to escape had been the Dementors, but since their departure, Azkaban's security relied solely on sturdy locks and the prison's reputation as "the place from which no one ever escaped, so don't even try."

Apparating directly onto the island was impossible, so prisoners were transported by Portkey to the nearest shore and then ferried by boat. Azkaban was built atop a rock and the sea, with the prison structure rising upwards. The uppermost floors were considered the least comfortable due to frequent storms in the North Sea, which the prison's odd triangular architecture was designed to withstand. No matter how fierce the storm, the building never swayed.

The twins were brought to the island and, as especially dangerous criminals, placed on Azkaban's top floor, where only three Death Eaters captured during the Battle of Hogwarts were currently held: Antonin Dolohov, Joshua Travers, and Augustus Rookwood. The cells here had no front wall; a thick vertical iron bar grid replaced it, locked by two large padlocks. This allowed drafts to constantly pass through, making the cells cold even in summer, but it also allowed prisoners to freely converse with each other. Food was pushed through the iron bars, so the door never opened.

Since the Death Eaters were in the nearest cells to the exit, the new inmates were led past them. After the locks clanged shut and the guards left, the veterans of Azkaban asked the newcomers who they were.

"We don't talk to Death Eaters..."

"...we want nothing to do with them," replied the twins in unison, now sitting in cells opposite each other.

Dolohov rasped a laugh.

"They don't want to... Hear that, Josh, Augustus? They already share a floor with us, will eat the same crap as us, and they still claim they have nothing in common with us!"

Laughter from the neighboring cells echoed his words.

"Don't ask them, Anthony, I can tell you they're Weasleys. I remember one of those oddballs working in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, and these two are spitting images of him."

"Our father is not an oddball!"

"You're the oddballs!"

"He just likes Muggle technology!"

"It's fascinating—Muggles have so many amusing things..."

"...full of pranks, yes!"

"...shame we can't use them in our pranks..."

"What are you here for, then? Joined the Death Eaters?" Dolohov asked.

"No, definitely not!"

"...never Death Eaters..."

"...we have a prank shop..."

"...and there's an epidemic of paralysis and diarrhea in Britain..."

"...and it's incurable..."

"...yeah, and they blamed our prank products..."

"...but we're totally innocent..."

"...not even a little guilty, they say it's a side effect..."

"They're right," Rookwood chimed in with a smirk. "Amateur work often causes such effects. Those kinds of products need thorough testing by magical medics before they're allowed to be sold. Did you test them?"

"No, why?"

"...we never make mistakes..."

"...and testing costs money..."

"...big money, yeah..."

"Then you were rightly imprisoned as a potential public threat." Rookwood smirked again. "I remember when we were in power, your shop didn't get shut down. There were more pressing matters; we simply didn't have time to deal with you."

"An Avada Kedavra would be more humane than your products," Travers added. "Quick and painless, whereas your pranks make you suffer first."

"No one's ever died from them!"

"Not once, ever!"

"Well, there's a first time for everything, young men."

"...it's still unfair..."

"...locked in Azkaban for nothing..."

"...we were just joking..."

"Should've thought before you joked," Rookwood said, almost fondly commenting on the twins' passionate complaints. "Now you'll have time to ponder what jokes you can make and which ones you shouldn't."

"We're not staying here," Fred said, speaking alone for the first time. "George, they didn't even search us properly—they didn't take it. We've got the Weasley Wizards' Universal Magical Lockpick!"

"You shouldn't have said that, kid," Dolohov stepped up close to the bars to get a good view of the cells down the corridor. "Soon they'll be serving dinner, and I'll tell the guard they forgot to confiscate your lockpick."

"No!" Fred panicked.

"You wouldn't do that, would you?" George followed suit.

"You said we have a lot in common..."

"...and friends don't rat on each other, right?"

"Then let's make a deal. You unlock both your locks and ours right now, then hand me the lockpick. Afterward, we all return to our cells, and we'll put the unlocked locks back on. The food distributor's used to things being in order; he won't notice anything. Then at night, we'll all escape together."

"So you're saying the Death Eaters will escape because of us?"

"No, we don't want that!"

"That's stupid. Think about it: if you escape alone, they'll search for you thoroughly. But if you escape with us, they'll hunt us, and you'll be forgotten—if they even remember you at all. And if they do catch you, I'll let you say we released you, not the other way around. Augustus? Josh?"

"Of course, we'll confirm it," Rookwood answered for both of them. "We've got nothing to lose."

"There's something to that, George..."

"...exactly, Fred..."

"...but can we trust them?"

"...we'll have to..."

"Decide quickly, boys, there's little time before dinner. If you hesitate, I'll definitely turn you in. Maybe they'll shorten my sentence for it."

The reply to Dolohov came in the delicate squeaking of a lock. Fred slipped out of his cell and within minutes unlocked the others, then handed the lockpick to Dolohov, adding:

"Don't forget, you promised."

"We'll keep our word." Dolohov took the lockpick and placed his lock back in a way that concealed the unlocked shackle. "If the guard notices something, the nearest of us grabs him through the bars, and the rest of us escape the cells to deal with him."

Half an hour later, the guard appeared with dinner for the prisoners. As predicted, he noticed nothing—though everyone was ready to attack if needed. The three Death Eaters quickly wolfed down the porridge, which Fred and George, used to their mother Molly's cooking, turned their noses up at.

"Is this what they serve here?"

"Let's escape, George!"

"When's the escape?" Fred asked Dolohov, reasonably assuming the Death Eaters knew best.

"In two hours, the daily shift will change—they start the night shift fresh. One hour for the previous shift to leave the island, then the whole night is ours. I'll tell you when the time comes."

"But we're still not sticking with you," Fred warned. "As soon as we're out of this corridor, we're going our separate ways..."

"…so you're Death Eaters, huh…" George picked up.

"…which means you're on your own, and we're on our own…"

"As you wish," Dolohov smirked. "It's easier to lighten the load."

The three prisoners, who had served fifteen years, knew that each of Azkaban's three corners had identical vertical staircases. One of the staircases, considered the main one, led to the prison's administration, and security there was tighter. But at the emergency exits below, there were only two guards stationed. Security was minimal there because Dementors had once roamed the corridors, and after they left to join Voldemort, the security remained lax. Voldemort's government didn't need it, and the current one had barely been in power for a week.

The other two prisoners, who had been incarcerated for less than a day, were the first to slip out of their cells when the time came. Cautiously, they headed towards the main exit through which they had been brought in. The three hardened convicts waited until they disappeared onto the landing, then sprinted in the opposite direction. Two floors down, they veered off the stairs into the corridor where Lucius Malfoy and his son were held. There weren't many dangerous criminals left in Azkaban, and the upper floors were empty, so there was no one to notice the escapees as they raced along the floor, searching for the Malfoys.

"Lucius!" Dolohov called out, finally reaching the cell where long platinum hair peeked out from under a ragged gray blanket. Lucius had already laid down to sleep.

Malfoy jumped up on his cot and stared through the bars at Dolohov, who was grinning in greeting.

"Are you with us?" Dolohov asked directly, wasting no time on explanations. Not that they were needed—Lucius was quick to understand.

"Where would I run to?" he replied. "I've got a son, a wife, and property in Britain. Some Ministry officials have already promised to clear me. Besides, Harry Potter owes Narcissa his life; she'll use that when the time comes. Escaping would only ruin things."

Dolohov nodded in understanding.

"I figured you had other plans. Alright, stay well."

The three of them hurried back to the staircase. They silently descended and stopped three flights from the first floor. Dolohov peered through the gap between the flights and saw two guards below. They looked relaxed and were chatting about something, but they were facing the stairs, so a surprise attack was out of the question. The Death Eaters exchanged glances—they'd have to fight their way through. Just then, the alarm sounded.

It came from the main staircase, signaling that the Weasley twins had encountered the security post and were breaking through with force. Yet, the two guards below didn't abandon their post, as they were supposed to by protocol. Their downfall was curiosity. Hearing the commotion, they stepped a few paces away from their station and peeked into the corridor on the lower floor.

Dolohov nodded to his companions and dashed down the stairs first. Within seconds, the escapees caught the guards from behind—no magic was needed; the fight was decided by sheer numbers and a good old-fashioned brawl. The two unconscious guards were quickly searched, relieved of their wands, and tied up with strips of their own clothing. The confiscated keys fit the outer door. The three prisoners burst into the prison yard, dimly lit by the waxing moon, and sprinted along the wall toward the only exit from the yard—a gate blocked by iron bars.

There, the twins were already playing a game of tag with the guards. Having taken wands from the previous post, they were now fighting the guards by the locked gate. Dolohov sent a couple of stunning spells into the backs of the guards, while Rookwood found the right key for the side door by the gate in the captured key ring. Without waiting for the scuffle to end, the Death Eaters left the twins and the guards to each other and darted outside.

The boat on the shore was also locked, but there was a key for that too in the bundle. The escapees boarded the boat, grabbed the oars, and began rowing across the ocean toward the distant shore, faintly visible in the moonlight.

"That was the only boat," Travers, who was rowing, remarked, facing Azkaban.

Dolohov, sitting at the helm, glanced back. In the darkness, not much could be seen, but the sounds of the commotion were approaching the shore.

"Doesn't matter," he concluded. "The boys themselves said they weren't going our way."