Chapter 57 (2/5)

Down in the Cargo Hold

"Well this got fucking pointless." I say to the large empty room.

There are only two things in here, me and the large scroll I left behind. That's fine, I need to come to terms with some stuff and here's as good a place as any to add a few more storage seals to the scroll. That way when the Captain comes back with more cargo it'll be quicker to seal it all away. They might not even need to bring it into the boat at all, it's possible I could seal it away on the dock.

"This was supposed to be me getting away from it all. Not dealing with people." I gently give the scroll a shove to unroll it across the ground. "And it just had to be these people. Seriously who the hell did I piss off?"

"Me for starters." Naruto says from the open doorway. He's standing in the doorway, blocking the exit, and he's mad. Really mad, it's like he came here for a fight.

"Hey Naruto." I say to him. I only glanced up from the scroll for an instant before returning to it. I don't care if he's here for a fight, I'm not participating. "How's things?"

"You. Me. Outside. Right now." He demands as he stomps towards me.

"Why the hell would I do that?" I pull out a scroll from inside my coat that holds my ink and brushes. "I've got better things to do."

"Because you said the only way you'll come back to Konoha is if someone drags you back kicking and screaming." He stops an arm's length away from me.

"And?" I look up from the scroll to blandly look at him. It's like I'm not even invested at all in this conversation. "Do you really think you can defeat me?"

"That is it!" He shouts and his eyes flash red for an instant. "Why does everyone keep underestimating me? I am not some weakling! I can stand on my own two feet! I do not need to be coddled like an infant!"

"Naruto Uzumaki." I rise up to my feet to stare him straight in his eyes. "Do not make the mistake of thinking that I consider you weak. You're the jinchuuriki of the Ninetails. You're being trained by a Sannin, arguably the most skilled of the three. It's not a question of how strong you are, it's a question of how much resolve you have."

Naruto's face scrunches up in confusion. "Resolve?"

"Yes. Resolve." I levelly reply. "Do you posses the constitution to go as far as is needed to defeat me? Let me clear some things up for you. I've taken a beating from Lee with five gates open. I went on to win that fight. I've been literally disarmed, beheaded, had my legs cut off and my heart ripped out. I do not stop fighting. Even when all of that happened to me I continued to wage war against my opponents. Do you truly want to know what it will take to beat me? For me to admit defeat and surrender to you so you can bring me back to Konoha?"

"Yes." He confidently replies. "I do."

"You'll have to kill me four times." Once my words sink into Naruto he stares at me in shock. His mouth is open and his eyes are wide. "You'll need to destroy four of my five hearts. That means sheathing cold hard steel in my chest. Ripping me to shreds with the Rasengan. Spearing your hand into my torso to crush my heart. Can you do that? Can you go through the pain of killing me? Imagine it, watching the light leave my eyes only for it to come back. Then having to do it all over again. Then again. And again after that. So you see, it's not a question of if you're strong enough. It's can you bring yourself to kill me?"

"So that's why I asked you if you think you can defeat me." I continue speaking. "Not because I don't think you can but because I know you're not like me. You're a good person, you don't like hurting people. You abhore killing and do everything possible to avoid it. You want to make friends with the world. Someone like that, like you, simply can't attack someone they once saw as a friend with the intent to kill. Not to mention doing it four times. It goes against who you are as a person."

"Alvarcus what do you mean that you're not like me?" Naruto softly asks. "You made it sound like… what do you mean by that?"

"You're a good person." I turn away from him to look at the scroll again. "I'm not."

"But you are a good person. You're just lost." He quietly says to me. His anger has left him. "You don't like hurting people. You'd never kill a friend. You don't enjoy killing at all. I know you, you've never been like that."

"The Alvarcus you knew is gone." I softly admit to him. "I've changed. Naruto I have enjoyed hurting people. I have enjoyed killing on multiple occasions. I have killed someone I consider a friend."

"I refuse to believe that." Naruto tries to convince himself of that too, not just me.

"Only a few days ago I tortured two shinobi to death. It wasn't because I was ordered to, it was because I wanted to." I quietly say to him without tearing my gaze off of the scroll. I can't face him. I just can't. But I can't stop talking. Everything I've violently suppressed is spilling out. "Before that there was this girl, she liked me. I think something might have formed between us but that bond never got a chance to blossom. I watched her head fall off her shoulders. Then I brutally slaughtered everyone who was in the team that did it. I ripped them to shreds and I loved every moment of it. The rush of exhilaration I felt when their blood flew through the air, the burst of joy when the light left their eyes, the screams they made as I burned them alive. It was delightful. I still have some of their hearts. But that's not the worst part. No, that award goes to Gina. We lived together for two months. She was a medic, she patched me up when I needed it after battles. But eventually I had to leave her behind in hostile territory. I just couldn't leave her to that horrible fate. So after we shared a heartfelt hug, I gently took her face in my hands and broke her neck."

"Alvarcus…" Naruto hoarsely says. I don't know what emotion he's feeling, I'm too busy wrestling with my own.

"So that's why we're not alike. You may house a monster within you but you are not one. However I am a monster. What else can I be?"

"You're not a monster." Naruto weakly tries to reassure me. "There's still hope. You can be saved still."

"Don't you dare lie to me!" I snarl at him as I whirl to face him with pure rage in my eyes. "I know what I am! I am the scum of the earth! I am the one who wades into a sea of blood simply because he can! I am a monster! It doesn't matter what I do from now on! It won't matter even if I save the world from a great evil! I have committed grave sins against humanity, unforgivable sins. Do not try to feed me false hope! Do not think that you can bring me out of the darkness and back to the light! The light doesn't want me anymore! I am not the Alvarcus you once knew. I am not a good person. I am a monster."

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Naruto asks me with a spark of something in his eyes. "I refuse to accept that anyone is irredeemable. One day I will make you realize that you're a good person, that you've alway been one. You've just gotten lost, that's all. You're not gone forever, you just need someone to reach out and help you find the right path again."

"Oh and you think that person is going to be you?" I shout at him in anger. "News flash, once this mission is over I'm going back to Orochimaru. I can assure you that he's only encouraging my descent into darkness."

"It might be me, it might be Sasuke, it might be anyone." The spark in Naruto's eyes has caught fire. "You haven't made the jump to darkness yet. You still feel regret and remorse for your actions. If you didn't you wouldn't have bothered telling me any of this. Someone, someday, is going to reach out to you. They'll extend a hand to pull you out of your darkness. When that person does reach out to you, you better take their hand."

I know what is in his eyes now. It's something I used to have myself. The tiny spark has grown into a raging fire. The Will of Fire burns brightly in him.

"Because if you don't, I'm going to find you and beat some sense into you." Naruto resolutely says. "Then I'll make you take their hand. That is a promise. I do not go back on my promises."

Naruto turns on his heel and confidently walks out of the room. He meant every single word he said to me, he thinks I can be saved. That I can be redeemed.

"Alright Naruto. Say someone does find it in their heart to reach out to pull me from my darkness. There's just one tiny thing you overlooked." I quietly say to the empty cargo hold. "Am I even worth saving anymore?"

"Kakashi." Anko pins her superior in a very intense stare. It's just the two of them in one of the cabins of the ship. Kakashi has taken over one of the two beds, he's laying on it and making good use of his time to read. Anko is sitting on the other bed while glaring at him. "You let him manipulate you."

"You're right." Kakashi snaps shut his newest book. "I could have stopped him. I could have fought him and won, even with all of his tricks I have at least two up my sleeves to counter them."

"Why didn't you?" Anko asks in anger. "He could be my chance to find Orochimaru. He's a missing nin, you know what we're supposed to do to missing nin. Capture or kill."

"Anko I can't." Kakashi says with true emotion. He's under great strain as if he's carrying a huge burden. "He's my student. Even if he left the village. Even if he's learning under Orochimaru. Even if he's a missing nin. I simply can't bring myself to truly hurt him."

Anko sits there and looks at Kakashi for a long time. Many minutes pass as she debates with herself over something.

"Who would have guessed that you have a soft spot." Anko has made up her mind. "I've only just taken Ino under my wing, I can't imagine how conflicted he must make you feel. I won't try to bring him in."

"Thank you Anko." Kakashi sags in relief.

"This generosity does not extend to next time." She says with a tone of finality. "And don't think for an instant that I'm not going to try and get information out of him on this mission."

"Of course. You're more than welcome to try, I won't stop you." Kakashi agrees. Then he opens his book back up. "I doubt you'll get anything out of him though. He's a tough little bastard."

"He has to be with you as his sensei." Anko playfully tosses an insult at Kakashi.

"Haha. Very funny." Kakashi turns a page in his newest book. "Now get out of here, you're bunking with Ino not me."

"Aw, don't you want me to take your body heat?" Anko rises up from her spot and moves towards the door.

"No." Kakashi flatly says without sparing her a glance. "Mine is my own. Steal Ino's or something."

"Kakashi you scoundrel!" Anko bashfully fans herself, as if she's never heard anything promiscuous before. "I would never abuse my teacher student relationship like that! No matter how cute the little genin mini me is! Those books are such a bad influence on you!"

"Goodbye Anko." Kakashi rolls his one visible eye.

"You're no fun today." She pouts as she finally leaves Kakashi alone to his book.

That Night

"Naruto?" Shikamaru calls out to his friend. "You okay there? You've been very quiet ever since you went to confront Alvarcus. That was hours ago."

The three younger shinobi are all sharing a meal together. They're in one of the cabins and are eating on the beds. It's something that they'd never do at home or under adult supervision, but neither of those things are happening right now.

They tried to invite Alvarcus to eat with them but he declined. He said something about needed to set up the world's best hammock and scampered up the mast to the crow's nest.

"You really have been off for a while." Ino agrees with her genin teammate. "Did he say something to make you like this?"

"Oh." Naruto looks up from his meal. He's been idly poking at it and has barely touched it at all. "It's… nothing."

"Doesn't sound like nothing." Shikamaru presses forward. "He did something, didn't he?"

"He talked about some of the stuff he's done." Naruto looks at each of them in the face, one after the other. "It's pretty bad."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad are we talking?" Ino asks.

"A strong nine." Naruto doesn't hesitate to respond. "A very strong nine."

"That's bad." Shikamaru winces. "What did he do?"

"I don't think I should say." Naruto hesitates to share what he learned with Ino and Shikamaru. "I don't think he even wanted to tell me that stuff, it just sort of came out. Once he started to he couldn't stop."

"You can tell us." Ino gently urges. "We won't tell anyone."

"No." Naruto decides. "I won't betray him like that. You'll have to hear it from him. If I told you he would never forgive me, he'd never trust me again."

"Can't blame you for that." Shikamaru lazily plops back fully onto the bed. "This whole mission got really messed up quick, didn't it?"

"You can say that again." Ino agrees. "First there was me getting forced into it, then the Kusa base and Eito, now Alvarcus popped up out of the blue. I've never been on a mission that spirals out of control like this and we've only just met the client!"

"You've got to get out more." Naruto joking says to here. "I went on three missions with Sasuke and Alvarcus before they… you know. Now those really spiraled out of control!"

"Really?" Shikamaru asks in mild interest.

"Oh yeah!" Naruto eagerly starts to share his experience with his friends. "And get this: They were all D-ranks too!"